Author: Christine Wyrtzen

GUILT IS A TASKMASTER

He [Jacob] instructed the first [servant], “When Esau my brother meets you and asks you, ‘To whom do you belong? Where are you going? And whose are these ahead of you?’ then you shall say, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob. They are a present sent to my lord Esau. For he thought, “I may appease him with the present that goes ahead of me, and afterward I shall see his face. Perhaps he will accept me.” So the presents passed on ahead of him. Genesis 32:17-20

         Have you ever wronged someone and then felt so guilty that you couldn’t look him in the eyes? You couldn’t face the disappointment you’d see there. You avoided him instead. Or perhaps you’re selling your soul to win his favor back. He’s probably enjoying the power you’re giving him, by the way. This adds pain to your groveling.

         Jacob is about to meet Esau. He has avoided him for many years after cheating him out of his inheritance. Now, the Lord told Jacob to go home but to do that means going straight through Esau’s land. No more hiding. Jacob wasn’t afraid of seeing the hurt in Esau’s eyes, he was afraid for his life. His plan was to send three groups of servants on ahead of him. Each one would bear expensive gifts and each one would have a heartwarming speech for Esau. All this was just to prepare for the moment the two brothers would lay eyes on each other.

         Jacob thought to himself, “If I do this, I will appease him.” The word ‘appease’ in Hebrew means to ‘cover his face.’ Not able to look in his eyes, he will avoid it by presenting gifts instead.

         While this may work in human relationships, it does not work with God. When I feel guilty and the thought of seeing Jesus puts dread in my heart, I can be like Jacob and commit myself to the gift of hard Christian labor. All He wants is a sincere apology. Somehow though, I ascribe the ‘hard to please’ label to God and believe Him to be unreasonable. By bringing gifts, I believe I can make Him like me again.

         Because of Jesus, there is no need to appease God. Christ’s own blood appeased God for me. He did all the grueling work, brought the gift of His sacrifice on ahead of me so that all I had to do was come in His name. A simple, “Forgive me because of what Jesus did for me!” brings instant reconciliation. No games. No conditions. Only grace and favor.

For all those who are working, show them rest in Your grace. Amen

Journal Question: Who is it that refuses to forgive you and makes you pay a steep price? Write God a short letter and tell him that you’re going to stop comparing Him to this person. Ask Him to show you what “It is finished!” means.

GOD AND I – SHIPWRECKED

Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God. Acts 14:22

            I must be clear, not only as I share the Gospel with others, but in my expectations of what following Jesus means. To embrace Jesus is to embrace a life characterized by a cross.  Paul was clear in his encouragement to the disciples in Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch. “Stay true to Jesus.  Don’t be surprised by suffering. To enter the kingdom, you must endure tribulation.”

            I must renounce the prosperity Gospel.  It is not only unbiblical but also rooted in deception. Who is the author of deception?  To embrace the enemy’s lie is to set myself up for disillusionment and then, anger. God and I will shipwreck on the rocks of false expectations.

            Every prophet suffered, as did every member of the original twelve disciples. Everyone was martyred except for John, who lived in the isolation and loneliness of exile.  Jesus suffered most of all and led the way for any who would follow in His footsteps. He was clear as He defined the path in front of me.  Discipleship involves taking up a cross.

            I have often hid behind my pain in shame.  I was made to feel, by some, that I was suffering because of sin, or lack of faith, or because I lacked in Christian maturity. This shame kept me from reaching out for love and encouragement. Who are the ones God uses mightily for the kingdom?  Those acquainted with suffering.  Those who suffer evil perpetrated because of other’s sinful choices. (Yes, I believe in God’s total sovereignty. While He isn’t the author of evil, He is sovereign over all of it, as He redeems it in my life.)

            This I firmly believe; my greatest calling is carved out of the healing of my deepest wounds. Just as Jesus’ cross turned into an emblem of redemption, every place of suffering in my life glimmers with the same redemptive potential.

Expose any vestige of the prosperity Gospel in my thinking. It is poison to our relationship! I love You and trust You no matter the severity of the path. Amen

DIDN’T GOD ALREADY DO THIS ONCE?

And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and he is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him.” Genesis 32:6

            When your brother wants to kill you and you hear that he’s on his way with 400 men, where does your mind go? Mine goes to calamity. So did Jacob’s. He was filled with anxiety – then he was depressed.

            But wait! Not long before this, Laban, his father in law, was on the hunt for Jacob. He came at him with more than 400 men but God delivered him. How short was Jacob’s memory?

            How short is mine? When the same kind of trial overtakes me, the kind that almost did me in the first time yet God preserved me, why do I automatically run to that calamitous place again? Where is my faith? God did it once but can He do it again?

• It’s almost like I believe God is anemic. He barely pulled it together the first time and the chance of Him accomplishing it again is slim.
• Or, I believe that His generous spirit toward me has expired. He’ll do something wonderful just once. If I ask for it twice, He’ll be turned off.
• Or, I just got lucky that God came through. My language sounds like this. “What are the chances that God will do this again?” Like it depends on God’s whims.

            History, and the fears that accompany it, are powerful forces. To believe that God will write new chapters in my life requires standing amidst very powerful emotions. If I feed my fears, faith dies. If I feed my faith, fears die.

How dare I be skeptical of You, Lord!   Who am I to doubt Your power? And how very sad to doubt Your love but You’ll have to help me. Amen

Journal Question: Where do you have to trust God for a second time? What makes you discount a second miracle?   Do you doubt God’s love, His power, or what? Ask God to help you figure it out and bring you to a resolution based on truth.

PRAYING TO THE COVENANT MAKER

And Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant. Please deliver me from the hand of Esau, for I fear him. But you said, ‘I will surely do you good, and make your offspring as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.’ ” Genesis 32:9-12

         How desperate have you been in prayer? Days can go by and prayers are pretty casual. “Bless my family today and help them love You more!” I might even pray this while driving or eating my morning yogurt.

         But there is another kind of prayer. It sounds like Jacob’s prayer before Esau comes to meet him with 400 men. It’s the kind we pray when we are fighting for our lives.

         There’s a door jam in our house that borders our guest room that has been gripped and wet with tears on many, many occasions. Getting up in the night to pray, I lay my head against it, hold on to the frame tightly, and plead with God to remember His covenant with me and my family. Utter desperation was the backdrop of these prayers.

         It is not arrogant to come humbly before God and remind Him of His promises. It is to take hold of His robe and plead for your life. It’s the equivalent of a child saying to his father, “But you said!” Is not a father’s heart moved by that? Does a good father respond with a rebuke? “How dare you remind me of what I said!”

         God is a Covenant Maker and does not make promises begrudgingly. He loves to do it and is passionate about keeping them. My relationship with Him, just like Jacob, is often one of wrestling over my Canaan. I don’t engage God with a fist in this wrestling match. I am one trying to get to the bottom of my own angst and inaccurate perceptions of His character. In the end, I am aware of my own unworthiness and humbled by His gracious heart.

You have heard all my pleading. I’m glad that I never have to stop being Your child and undoubtedly, Lord, you’ll still hear lots of pleading before I’m home. Amen

HOW CAN I SOFTEN THEIR HEART?

And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, instructing them, “Thus you shall say to my lord Esau: Genesis 32:3-4

         After all these years, Jacob is about to meet Esau, the brother he cheated out of covenantal privileges. He is afraid for his life and rightly so. Terrified of the reality, he sent messengers on ahead to test the waters, to speak of him and see what kind of heart Esau had.

         Have you ever feared meeting with a certain person? Tensions between you are high and over the years, there’s little else you can think of when your soul is quiet. The strained relationship weighs heavily on you. In order to test the waters, you ask someone who is in good standing with them to speak of you. You ask them to reveal your present circumstances and tell how your heart has changed since last they saw you. By doing this, you will have an idea on how wise or unwise it would be to restore the relationship.

         A mediator is oftentimes needed. When judgments have been made, fairly or unfairly, softening the heart of the estranged is difficult.

         Jesus is the mediator we can count on. When God was misunderstood, He sent Jesus to show us His heart, personality, and character. Jesus softened our hearts and paid a great price to restore the breech in our relationship.

         Jesus is still a mediator, not only between us and His Father, but between us and anyone else with whom we suffer a distance. When a foundation of prayer is laid, He goes ahead of us to change the one we fear. Nothing is too hard for our Mediator, Jesus. He can give them a dream, speak to them in the night, cause them to remember a story about us that they had forgotten, or make sure they cross paths with someone who can speak about us in a way that makes them softer.

         What can I pray if I am estranged from my brother, sister, parent, or friend? “Lord, would you give them your eyes for me? Would you bind their thinking to yours? Would you loose the lies they believe and the revenge they seek? Till the soil of their heart so that they are approachable.”

         Not only are the hearts of kings in God’s hands, but so is the heart of your nemesis.

You, Lord, are the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid? Amen

Journal Question: What relationship have you given up on? Would you be willing to entertain the thought that God can change their heart toward you? Begin writing a strategic prayer today.

WHEN A PEACEMAKER BECOMES A FIGHTER

When Abram heard that his kinsman had been taken captive, he led forth his trained men.  Genesis 14:14

         Abram surprises us all when he takes up arms to fight.  He has always been a peacemaker.  No one who reads his story in the preceding chapters has any idea he has a small trained army within his own household.  Now, they are revealed and are released to go fight the enemies who have taken his nephew, Lot, captive.  Though Abram’s brave men are greatly outnumbered, they are fierce warriors with God on their side.  They defeat the captors and free Lot.  This is not the first or last time we will see God’s economics astound us.

         It’s always a shock when a peacemaker is willing to fight.  It’s equally shocking when a fighter lays down his sword and pulls a chair up to the table to seek peace. Both have earned a reputation for responding to life in a certain way but out of the blue, they make different choices and shock everyone around them.

         Each of us is bent, because of our personality, more toward one or the other.  Gentle spirits love peace and hate conflict.  Feisty spirits love a good fight and see those who seek peace as being weak.  We build a track record for only responding one way and those around us count on us reacting as we have always done.  I am a peacemaker, by nature, and not easily inflamed.  It takes a lot to anger me and while that can appear admirable, I can tell you that it can be a fault.  A friend once told me, after hearing a few stories where I was badly harassed by others, that I was patient to a fault.  She was right.

         A balanced child of God, one who is like Jesus, does not act solely out of his personality type.  He listens to Jesus and follows Him even when he is asked to do something difficult.  A fighter needs to learn to be still.  A peacemaker needs to learn how to fight.  There is a time to take the hill and there is a time to flee conflict.

         Many of us can live our lives thinking that the bents of our personality are righteous.  Peacemakers applaud all peacemaking and throw stones at those who always want to lead a charge.  Fighters ridicule peacemakers and believe them to be weak.  May we meet in the middle?  Both are needed and both, acting under the direction of the Spirit, play pivotal roles in the purposes of God.

Teach me when to fight and not retreat.  Give me the boldness to step outside of my peacemaker box.  Amen

Journal Question:  Which are you, a peacemaker or one who does not shrink from challenges and confrontations?  What can you learn from an opposite today, a godly opposite?  Whom do you admire that is unlike you?  Ask God to stretch you in a more balanced direction.

THE COMFORT OF HIDING

He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress. Proverbs 14:26

         How can being afraid of God make me secure?  It can’t. Yet the picture of a God angry at humanity and poised to punish them persists in the minds of most people.

         ‘Fearing the Lord’ never means being afraid if I am His child.  Oh, if only I had known this in the first three decades of my life.  The ones who claimed to speak for God misrepresented who He was and I kept my distance. I studied Him but never drew close.

         To ‘fear the Lord’ means to tremble with wonder over His beauty.  I was created to worship beauty and that begins with the Creator of everything beautiful.

         I am secure if I know that the One who is greater than any evil offers me a place to hide in Him.  Turning away from the storm, I can bury my face in the Rock of Ages and know that He who is Love will shelter me.  I don’t need to fear that someone bigger will come along and, again, put me at risk.  I am held securely because there is no one who can threaten me.  I seek refuge in the One who has written the last chapter in history and He is the victor. Every foe today is already defeated. Either they don’t know it yet or they are very well aware of their end and just pretend to wield a power that isn’t theirs. Continue reading “The Comfort Of Hiding” →

CRUSHED IN SPIRIT

A soothing tongue is a tree of life but perversion in it crushes the spirit.  Proverbs 15:4

         We often don’t equate words with weaponry.  We believe that to do mortal damage, it must be inflicted physically, if it is to do real harm.  Words don’t leave visible wounds and that’s why recklessness with words abounds.

         I am struck by the power of Solomon’s words.  Perverse words don’t just sting, causing someone to wince and then get over it.  They have the ability to crush the spirit.  Anyone who has been the recipient of a tirade can attest to what happens to their body as words are used against them as a weapon.  I hear many wives and husbands say that a bitter confrontation with their spouse leaves them physically weak.  As the barrage of accusations come their way, they feel themselves sinking and diminishing.  Some are even reduced to a state of wordlessness as they lose their sense of personal power.  Continue reading “Crushed In Spirit” →

SWEAR TO ME!

Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” Therefore he named it Galeed, and Mizpah, for he said, “The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight. Genesis 31:48-49

         When God is left out of relationships, things deteriorate quickly. This is true whether it involves families, churches, or even nations. Good covenants, the kind God makes with us, are beautiful treaties. They promise protection, provision, inner prosperity, and longevity. The knowledge that such a covenant exists is a comfort to us. When life gets challenging, we know that there is someone to whom we can run.

         Unfortunately, there is another kind of covenant. It is the kind Laban made with Jacob. Although they were extended family, there was hurt and distrust. Neither wanted to be vulnerable to the other. To ensure that there would be no malice, a covenant was made. Stones were assembled into pillars and oaths were taken. In essence, this was their agreement. “Even when you can’t see me, you don’t need to fear me. I will not harm you.” This is one of the first non-aggression pacts.

         Politically, countries make treaties like this kind today. The two parties are enemies but neither can afford the fallout of war. In order to self-protect, they draw up a non-aggression pact.

         What is most tragic is when these unspoken pacts exist in a family. “You stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours.” “Swear that you will never do that again and I’ll make it worth your while!”  Such words certainly break the heart of a God who sees His beautiful design of a family defaced. What is the cure for these self-protective, non-aggressive promises between people? The personal revival of both parties.

         If I love God and you love God and we both live our lives for His glory, neither of us need fear the other. We may or may not be close friends. That is beside the point. Just the knowledge that spiritual integrity exists erases the need to continually look over our shoulders.

If there are unholy standoffs that can be healed with prayer, make me aware. Amen

Journal Question: Do you have any relationships that function under the umbrella of non-aggression pacts? Is there enough trust in the relationship to discuss this? Write out what a holy covenant of trust would look like with this other person. Make this your prayer today.