Author: Christine Wyrtzen

Do you live in fear of embarrassment and humiliation?

Do you struggle to find enough comfort to feel better?

Do you hide your pain because there’s no one to turn to?

 

Listen to Christine’s interview where she shares ten orphan ways of living.  She knows.  She wrote them.  She lived them all.

https://soundcloud.com/cwyrtzen/are-you-a-spiritual-orphan

HOW BOLD ARE YOU?

And Jacob came safely to the city of Shechem and from the sons of Hamor, Shechem’s father, he bought for a hundred pieces of money the piece of land on which he had pitched his tent. There he erected an altar and called it El-Elohe-Israel. Genesis 33:18-20

         Imagine moving to India, and just outside a major city, you erect a monument with the inscription, ‘The Mighty God Of Israel.’ As you do it, you know that everyone around you is a Hindu. Your proclaimed affiliation with any God other than Hindu gods marks you as different. In today’s world, that invites retaliation, even death.

         Jacob’s boldness is a challenge to every modern-day Christian. Timidity will not serve God well in these days when opposition is growing. While many have enjoyed walking in neutrality, never revealing their beliefs for fear of not fitting in, the time is here when we are being forced to choose publically whom we will serve.

         In Mosul, Iraq – this Saturday at noon – every Christian is facing a deadline imposed by ISIS. They have three choices. Pay the Jazeera tax and convert to Islam, renounce their belief in God, or die by beheading. This ultimatum was given less than 10 days ago and as I’ve been praying for our brothers and sisters, and their children, I’ve been envisioning what is transpiring behind closed doors. Parents are preparing their children for the end. They are comforting them with the promise that they will see Jesus in a few short days but also getting them ready for the short burst of horrific persecution.

         It is prudent for us to put ourselves in their place. By doing so, our heart is stirred to pray with an intensity born of identification and empathy. It also enables us to role-play for what may be coming our way. Are we bold enough to display our altars to the God of Israel in the midst of Shechem?

How long, Lord, before You come and reign? How long will the blood of martyrs spill on our streets? For Your honor and glory, may only Your sovereign plans for Your people prevail. Amen

WHOSE FACE DO YOU DREAD SEEING?

Esau said, “What do you mean by all this company that I met?” Jacob answered, “To find favor in the sight of my lord.” But Esau said, “I have enough, my brother; keep what you have for yourself.”         Jacob said, “I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me. Genesis 33:8-10

         The last time Jacob saw Esau, he feared his murderous rage. He threatened to kill Jacob for stealing his inheritance. Now, years later, it is clear that Esau moved on and relinquished his need for revenge. He accumulated a degree of wealth and saw prosperity as God’s favor. Only a shalom with God could prompt him to say, “I have enough favor. Keep what you have, my brother.” This moved Jacob so deeply that he called Esau’s face – the face of God.

         This wasn’t just poetry. The night before this meeting, Jacob had actually seen the face of God in his all-night wrestling match. When it had ended, Jacob named the place ‘Peniel’ which means ‘I saw God’s face and lived.’ What did Jacob wrestle with God about? Considering the timing, it was probably over Esau. Jacob was afraid of his brother, suffered from regret and shame, and needed peace in his soul. Before he could find peace with Esau, he needed peace with God.

         From whom are you estranged today? When it’s someone in the family, the fracture wears on you and takes years off your life.  You relive strained conversations over and over again. Regret hangs over the relationship like a dark cloud. The dread of seeing this person keeps you imprisoned in a place of fear. They don’t move toward you because of anger. You don’t move toward them because you’re afraid. What ends the stalemate? Seeing the face of God.

         “The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?” Ps.27:1 How can I move from a cold recitation of this bible verse to real peace and strength? A wrestling match with God. I must take all my regrets, my sins, my failures (and all the self-talk that comes with them), and relinquish them in the presence of God. I’ve had many wrestling matches in my life with Him. Some lasted days, others spanned years. God wanted to forgive. I couldn’t accept it. God wanted to love me. I objected because of my unworthiness. God wanted me to face a painful place by physically going there. I feared that would cause me to regress rather than heal. I have many spiritual monuments in my journey that are marked, “I have seen the face of God and lived.”

         Whose face do you dread seeing? What reunion have you been putting off? Seek God first and the strength of His peace will be the spiritual fuel you need to make a phone call or go and knock on the door of the one who despises you. Shalom awaits.

My relationship with you has been messy, Lord. You have been faithful to lead me through my own objections and unbelief.   Your face is beyond words. Amen

Journal Question: Who is it that you have dreaded seeing? Write down all your objections and take each one to God today.

SHOWING OFF YOUR ‘STUFF’

And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.” GENESIS 33:5

         How humble Jacob was as he introduced his family to Esau. The unspoken message was this ~ “God has been very gracious to me even though I sinned greatly against you.” You might ask, “How could he feel differently? Look at what he did!” True. But entitled people overlook their own sin and expect to be blessed anyway. Many years earlier, Jacob had felt entitled to Esau’s blessing so it would have been natural for him to have an attitude when introducing his family.

         Humility is becoming. How do I view everything I enjoy today? Just because I’ve always had it doesn’t mean I always will. God does not owe me. Every good thing comes from above from a gracious God who gives me, not what I deserve, but what I don’t deserve. Every breath is a gift. My salvation is a gift. Momentary grace to live in the difficulties of these times is a gift.

         Spiritual arrogance is unbecoming. Perhaps you’ve witnessed it in others. They talk about themselves and their family incessantly. They brag on each member and are quick to tell you everything they did right in raising them. (Spiritual formulas abound on child rearing.) All of this unfolds as you are held hostage. There are few questions about your life – only story after story about theirs. When the topic finally turns to you and your family, there is the feeling that you are under inspection to see if you measure up. If everything isn’t perfect, you’ve clearly done something wrong and you feel their displeasure. There is no compassion for struggle of any kind.

         How much do you enjoy their company? How would the reunion between Jacob and Esau have gone if Jacob had approached confidently and said, “This is my extensive family. Isn’t it impressive? I told you I was the one who should have the blessing and obviously God agreed! Look at what I own.”

         I know many who have been faithful yet struggle. Their pain can become a wedge in their relationship with God. After their faithful service to God, shouldn’t he bless them with health? After raising their children in church, shouldn’t their kids love Jesus? Disillusionment with a God who is perceived as stingy plagues them. Bad theology was a set up for this disaster.

         How do I show off my ‘stuff’ today? After all, I may have it all today and none of it tomorrow. Either way, God has been gracious toward me and given me way more than I deserve.

Help me see every single thing I enjoy as a gift from you. You are Grace. Amen

OVER WHAT AM I UPSET?

He [Jacob] himself went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. Genesis 33:3

         When I’ve wronged someone, I can have many reactions. Picking one, I can obsess over the wrong thing. Am I upset about what I did? Am I upset because the other person is angry? Am I upset because the consequences seem out of line with the offense?

         I see the miracle of Jacob bowing down to Esau after all that has transpired between them. They were never close, not even as children. Yet now, Jacob treats him as one treats a royal in Near Eastern culture. In court protocol, one bows seven times, refers to himself as a servant, calls the royal ‘lord’, and brings gifts of homage. Jacob did all these things.

         When I’ve wronged someone, it is easy to be more upset about their response than my own sin. Not knowing what to do with their anger, I am tempted to hide. Jacob didn’t have the luxury. God told him to return to Canaan and to obey, he had to pass through Esau’s territory. There was no escaping the reunion. What is astounding though is that when Jacob sees Esau, he doesn’t defend himself in any way nor does he blame Esau for the seething anger he felt.

         When God is the One I’ve offended, I can have complicated reactions. Instead of remorse, I can be angry that God is displeased. I can condemn his law and call it unreasonable. Who am I to judge the One who is righteous? Am I arrogant enough to think He’s making a mountain out of a molehill? Do I dare say to a holy God, “What’s the big deal? I was just doing __________!”   Even if I don’t say it, do I feel this way?

         There is one more complicated reaction. I can be angry because God’s forgiveness is so radical. While it would seem this is good news, if I despise myself, I will be angry when God wants to forgive yet I want to punish myself and make myself pay over the course of a lifetime.

         It will do me well to remember court protocol when I’ve sinned. I come before the throne in prayer and bow low. I call Him, “Lord”, and refer to myself as His servant. I bring Him the gifts of my heart and my service.

         If God is at a distance because of sin, over what are you upset today? It would be good to isolate the reason because anything other than remorse puts your relationship in cobwebs. Satan is always nearby to weave the strands and encourage estrangement.

Your reactions to me are always holy. I am always Your servant. Amen

Journal Question: Are you experiencing distance with God because of a certain issue? Ask God to help you sort out the cobwebs of your heart. Find out where you are in the wrong and make things right. You’ll be glad you did.

I HAD MY LAST BAD DAY

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.  I Peter 1:8

         The quote, “You just had your last bad day!” is still getting a lot of attention. You remember it from a previous devotional?  I told the story of Mollie, our newly adopted golden retriever.  I shared how we rescued her from a shelter not long ago.  Just after Ron and I picked her up, I caressed her face and whispered to her, “You just had your last bad day!”

         This morning I woke up thinking about why this is touching so many.  I believe it’s because it is a fairy tale story.  Each one of us longs to experience what it’s like to be the object of such a beautiful rescue effort.  Continue reading “I Had My Last Bad Day” →

HOLDING ON – REFUSING TO BE FAITHLESS

Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”   Genesis 32:26

         I know the verse, “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16   I learned it as a kid but learning the words and understand the meaning can be many decades removed. Jacob wrestled with God until he prevailed. Though his hip gave out, the pivotal source of power for a wrestler, he did not quit. Pain and fatigue did not deter him from the goal. The blessing was of such value to him that nothing killed the desire.

         There are situations that can appear absolutely hopeless. Evidence wants to prove that nothing changes because of faith. Things get worse. The pain of watching everything regress nearly shuts me down. The fatigue that accompanies long-term stress wears on me and causes me to look ten years older than I am. Faithlessness beckons to me like an old friend and promises me rest. The thought of my heart sliding into hopeless oblivion is attractive. I just want the striving to cease.

         Is this where you are today? You’ve been wrestling with God for a long time over one single thing. The more you pray, the more things seem to decline. To continue to keep your heart alive to hope and faith appears futile. You’re fast approaching the line where quitting pretends to be the smart thing to do. Dreaming is painful. God appears to be cruel as He withholds the blessing you seek.

         This is what it is to live in the shadows. And I have. But let me testify that I have seen powerful prayers answered in a week. Last week brought three miracles in quick succession. I have also labored in prayer over two matters and saw both answered. One breakthrough took twenty nine years, the other took thirty two. The deliverance of both was glorious. There were moments in the journey that I collapsed into faithlessness. It was a lonely place and I didn’t stay there long. ‘Prevailing’ brought the blessing – and now I will have greater stamina in the next spiritual battle because I know not to give up.

         Over what issue have you taken hold of God in prayer today? How long have you labored? Hang on. Dig your fingers into the fabric of his robe and don’t let go. Today could be the day He speaks a word and prison bars open wide.

I love You, Lord. I love what I learned about You through wrestling. I value what I learned about myself in the battle. Treasures of the darkness. Oh, thank you. Amen

You were ransomed from the futile ways of your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish. I Peter 1:18-19

Suppose my child is out playing in the back yard, a place that has always been safe, a neighborhood protected by Crime Watch. When my back is turned, my child is snatched. Hours of anguish pass. The police and FBI are called and they set up my home with every kind of technology available, assuming that the kidnapper will contact me. A day passes. There is a phone call with a demand for ransom. I expect to see a settlement of a dollar amount but instead there is a message that calls for the life of my other child in exchange for the life of my first. How willing would I be to hand over him? It would be excruciating to weigh the options.

After Adam and Eve sinned, God’s heart was broken. He looked upon His precious creation and saw them in the enemy’s clutches. They were in bondage. Their cries could be heard across the great span that separated them from His presence. Cries for love, for justice, for mercy, for a new day. The ransom required was the ‘giving of God’s only Son.’ No dollar amount would win their freedom. Only innocent blood. The miracle is, He gave what was most precious to Him in exchange for me! And I wasn’t even His child yet, only an enemy.

As I enjoy God’s tender mercies this morning, I am closing my eyes for a moment to remember at what great cost I have been bought and redeemed. When Jesus died, God looked upon Him as He bled and saw my face. Through the great pain of watching His Son suffer, He saw into the future and saw me come limping home. He was writing my future adoption papers with red ink. I was bought with a price I would never be willing to pay if the tables were turned.

Oh, how great a love You showed to me. Wake me up and don’t let me take it for granted. My salvation trembles in my spirit. Amen

GOD DRAINED HIM OF STRENGTH

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. Genesis 32:24

Jacob is about to meet Esau. He thinks Esau will surely kill him and he’s afraid. Jacob sent everyone on ahead of him with gifts and he is alone for this long night of waiting. He has begged God for his life and reminded Him of his covenant blessings. But who can guess what God will do?

Of all nights, this was a night he needed sleep. Yet God comes to him in the form of a man and wrestles with him all night until he is absolutely spent. He is listless and exhausted from the hand-to-hand wrestling match. Though I have never wrestled with God in the flesh, I do know the deep weariness that comes from no sleep. It’s usually before an important event. When I’m about to speak to a significant group of people, I try to do everything right ahead of time. I aim to get plenty of rest, prepare myself spiritually, even go a day ahead to spend time in quiet and focus. I’m poised for a good night’s sleep yet, in spite of all the preparation, I usually sleep poorly or not at all. There are nights I feel like I wrestled in prayer. There are also nights I feel that there was a battle being waged over me. I wake up exhausted and depleted.

“Doesn’t God answer prayer?” you might ask. I used to wrestle with this question because belief in God’s goodness was at stake.  No more. I am at peace though I still strain against the experience. Know this. God will drain His servant when the stakes are high because ‘when I am weak, He can show Himself strong.’ I must be emptied of all self-effort so that I do not strive with His Spirit when what I say and do really matters.

Someone today is facing one of the most important days of their lives. Could be a court date, an interview for a new job, a doctor’s appointment to strategize on future care. You haven’t slept well. You feel like you’ve been up all night and you can’t imagine how you will get through your day. Maybe you’re frustrated with God for your weakened condition. Don’t back up from him. This is the time to run home.

My advice. Throw all your cares upon Him. Ask Him to fill you with all that He is, to live through you, to make every word you speak — His words. Don’t battle with Him. You are too spent for that. And perhaps that is the point. God longs for us to know that He is our strength and never is that more true than when we have none of our own.

You are large in someone else’s eyes when I am small. Do not let me despise my smallness. Forgive me, Lord, for when I stand in the way of what You want to do through my weakness. Amen