No Longer On Speaking Terms

I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, Lord, as you know. I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly. Psalm 40:9-10

What do you do when the person you were counting on lets you down? You reach out for help in your hour of need, and they are nowhere to be found. You start asking questions. “What happened? I thought you loved me.” But when your words do not move them, something in you starts to hide. Silence begins to feel safer.

There have been times I have prayed for what seemed desperate. I reasoned that since God loved me, He would surely provide it. But then nothing happened. So I prayed harder. I tried to stir up more faith. Outwardly, I said the right things about God. I defended Him to others. But inwardly, the first threads of disillusionment had already begun to unravel. My testimony sounded thin, even to me.

That is why these verses arrest me. At first glance, David sounds as though he has just come down from some mountaintop. He speaks so openly of God’s faithfulness and we might assume that the breakthrough has already happened. But the rest of the psalm tells a different story. David is still in trouble. He is waiting. His soul is ragged. But he is still talking.

Faith is not only praising God after the answer comes. Faith is continuing to speak of His love while the ache still hurts. It is refusing to let sorrow tarnish His character. It is choosing to say that He is faithful, while part of me still waits for visible proof.

This is the kind of faith I cannot manufacture on my own. It must be born of God. In my need, I am still commanded to speak of His faithfulness. Not because my emotions are always aligned, but because the foundation beneath my life is stronger than my present feelings. His promises are not invalidated by my confusion.

Lament and praise can live in the same heart. I can tell Him that I am hurt, confused, and weary, while still refusing to conceal His goodness from those around me.

Give me grace to speak of Your faithfulness even while I wait. AmenSave

Tethered

And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?”  Genesis 22:7

Can you feel this pivotal moment between Isaac and Abraham?  Isaac knows there’s going to be some kind of sacrifice.  The wood is ready, but where is the lamb?   With this question on his mind, he turns to ask his father.  Was it a casual inquiry or was he beginning to probe the unthinkable?

These kinds of moments are awful to live through.  Our gut knows that something is dreadfully wrong and we look to someone wise to tell us that this isn’t what we fear it is.  We feel like a child.  And we are.  We turn to the only wise Father to voice our questions.  Like Abraham, He welcomes us.  He understands our frame.  We are safe to need Him.

To live childlike with Him, even on good days, is to secure a posture that prepares us for the hard moments when we will cry out, “Abba, Daddy!”  We know it won’t feel awkward on our tongues.  With the right theology, it will be instinctive to run home for strength. 

The world says that maturity is becoming independent.  God says that maturity is to become more childlike.  The cynicism and fear that comes with age begs us to move us away from dependence on anyone.  We must intentionally cultivate childlike faith.  Life may seem like it is unraveling but God holds the threads. 

It’s possible, and necessary, to be tethered to the Rock of Ages.  How strong the cords of Love that held us fast! 

I need nothing, and no one, more than I need You, Lord.  Amen

Seeing The Future Through Someone’s History

Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you. Hosea 10:12

Is it possible to glimpse someone’s future by watching the pattern of their life? In many ways, yes. The repeated choices of righteousness or unrighteousness begin to trace a direction. If I understand the ways of the kingdom, I can often see where a person is headed. Patterns preach. They tell the truth about what a life is moving toward. What can interrupt a dark trajectory, however, is repentance.

If someone has a history of anger and I know him well, I can usually sense what will set him off. But I can not know whether an unrepentant heart may suddenly break open before God ~ even as I can not know whether a faithful saint may one day wander. But I do know the moral architecture of Scripture. We live in a sowing-and-reaping world. Seeds become harvests. To notice the likely fruit of someone’s life is not superstition, and it is not cruelty. It is biblical discernment. At times, to see clearly is simply to agree with God about where a path leads.

That clarity becomes especially painful when the life I am watching belongs to someone I love. What do I do when I foresee a shipwreck coming? I pray. I ask God to have mercy. I ask Him to shatter the schemes of the evil one who blinds the minds of unbelievers so they cannot see the glory of Christ. I ask Him to make my loved one spiritually needy enough to finally look up.

The past does not have to be the final prophet of the future. With God, the cycle can break. With God, repentance can turn a life around at the deepest level. With God, there is forgiveness, mercy, and a clean canvas on which grace can begin to paint again. He is able to redeem what looked certain, rewrite what seemed inevitable, and bring beauty out of what had all the markings of ruin.

Jesus, thank You for mercy that interrupts judgment, forgiveness that breaks dark patterns, and grace that gives a soul a future again. Amen

The Current Of The Spirit

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

Last night I had a dream. I was in a large auditorium filled with strangers, though here and there were faces I loved—dear friends, even my parents. On the stage sat a grand piano under the glow of a single spotlight. It became clear that I was about to give a concert. And yet there had been no rehearsal and no prepared program. In spite of that, I was aware of a holy calm.

I climbed the stairs, sat at the piano bench, and waited for the opening words. Then they came: There is a current of grace. God’s grace. And when you find it, you can ride it instead of fighting it. You can lift your feet and let the Spirit carry you. From there, the music, the words, the atmosphere, everything seemed gathered into the current. Time disappeared.

For those of us who have lived much of our lives on a stage, performing becomes a familiar companion. I have known it as a pianist, flutist, singer, and Bible teacher. It is second nature to me. But the stage can also tutor the soul in the wrong things. A life in public can become a long hallway lined with others’ opinions, and it is a suffocating place to live.

Grace, however, is the holy current that moves beneath weakness, beneath inadequacy, beneath all the places where I don’t feel like I am enough. I do not have to thrash in that river. I do not have to impress anyone in my own strength. I can lift my feet and let myself be borne by the life of Another.

In this current, I’m called to write devotionals. Each morning feels like stepping onto a stage with no guarantee except this: His grace is enough. His thoughts are better than mine. His current still runs. My part is not to force revelation, but to enter the river.

Jesus, teach us to know the feel of Your current. Make Your grace so familiar, so unmistakable, that the moment we drop our feet back into the riverbed and begin resisting You, we feel the strain of it. Amen

Trusting God With Her Son’s Future

By faith, after Moses was born, he was hidden by his parents for three months, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they didn’t fear the king’s edict. Hebrews 11:23


Fear is one of Satan’s oldest and sharpest weapons against the children of God. Because we were not created for evil, darkness unsettles us. Cruelty feels foreign. We cannot find our way through its maze or make sense of it. No wonder Scripture says so often, Do not be afraid. God keeps repeating it because fear so easily becomes the atmosphere we breathe. I think I’m finally getting the message that I should be able to encounter evil without being moved to terror. That does not mean evil becomes less evil. It means God becomes weightier.

This small verse about Moses’ parents has escaped me. Pharaoh had issued a horrifying decree: every Hebrew baby boy was to be drowned. And yet Yocheved carried a son in her womb and did not live under the king’s edict as though it were the highest word over her life. She hid Moses after he was born, and when she could hide him no longer, she made a bold and costly plan, one that would eventually place him in Pharaoh’s own household. No wonder she is remembered for faith.

Her courage was immense in the eyes of God.Threats from the powerful can paralyze. They can create an atmosphere of dread that seeps into the bones of the weak. Yocheved teaches us what unshaken trust looks like. She hid her baby. She saw the beauty of her son. She discerned that this child’s life mattered in the purposes of God. And somewhere beneath her planning, her tears, and her risk-taking, there was confidence. The king’s decree was not ultimate. God was.

Darkness still flexes its muscles. We are not always able to tell which threats are empty and which are not. There will always come a moment that makes even the strong tremble. In that hour, faith becomes a lifeline. And whether I can trust God in the dark will depend, in large part, on whether I have learned to trust Him in the light. Faith is not improvised in the crisis. It is cultivated beforehand. The time to prepare for the dark is while the light is still shining.

I refuse to finish my life with fear winning. Keep training me. Amen


Kindness of God Amidst Consequences

Now as soon as Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, Jacob came near and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and wept aloud. Genesis 29:10-11

When Jacob first saw Rachel, he wept.  In fact, he wailed. It was not a quiet tear slipping down the cheek, but the kind of weeping that breaks open and cannot be contained. I find myself wishing, as I often do with Scripture, for more detail. What was in those tears? Was he stunned by the kindness of God? Relieved to have reached the end of a long journey? Overwhelmed by Rachel’s beauty? Or did something in him simply give way all at once? We are not told. We are left to wonder.

What we do know is that Jacob did not arrive in that field carefree. He came there because he had to leave home. His departure was not the beginning of some romantic adventure; it was the fallout of deceit, the aftershock of sin. He had wronged his brother and complicated his own future. That kind of history leaves a mark on the soul. Yes, God had met him on the road. Yes, He had spoken a blessing over him in a dream. But blessing does not erase consequences, and mercy does not always cancel the painful harvest of what we have sown. But here, in this moment, God gave him a gift he could not have scripted for himself. Grace met him in the middle of consequence.

That moves me deeply, because it is so often how God deals with us. He does not pretend our past did not happen. He does not wave away the shadows cast by our choices. But neither does He leave us to live only under those shadows. He knows how to lay unexpected kindness right in the middle of a complicated story. He knows how to send beauty across the path of a person who still carries regret. He knows how to make the heart break open, not only with sorrow, but with astonished joy.

As I look back over my own spiritual journey, I can still see the places where painful consequences have lingered. Some choices leave long shadows. And yet, grace has never stopped meeting me there. God has not only helped me endure the harder parts of my story; He has also redeemed them in ways I never could have imagined. I know now what it is to weep for relief, for surprise, for joy, for the sheer tenderness of being met by God in places where I expected only loss.

There was a time when I thought tears belonged mostly to sorrow. But God is teaching me another kind of weeping—the kind of tears that say, without words, I did not know You would be this kind.

Make my heart even more open to the surprising kindness of Your grace. Amen

Reflection: What joyful tears could be yours? All that it requires is renouncing the lie that you’re exempt or excluded from God’s blessing.

The Promise Feels Dead

Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to be his wife. And Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife, because she was barren. And the Lord granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived.  Genesis 25:20-21

God’s chosen family stood once again under the shadow of barrenness. History was repeating itself. God told Abraham that he would father many nations, yet Sarah’s womb stayed silent for years. Then, God intervened, and Isaac was born. But when Isaac took Rebekah as his wife, the promise seemed to enter the same wilderness all over again. Rebekah was barren. The word of God hung over an empty cradle.

I know that kind of tension. There have been seasons when God clearly led me in a particular direction. He confirmed it in ways I could not deny. He opened the door and I stepped through in faith. But then, things fell apart. Prayer felt like it was falling to the ground. The life I expected did not appear. And in that silence, I was tempted to gather up all my ingenuity and force the promise to bloom. But I knew that the best I could produce was an Ishmael, not something breathed by God. Holy callings do not mature under the heat of human striving.

Perhaps you are living inside that same paradox now. God called you to something brand new. He made the way clear. You reordered your life in obedience. And now everything feels eerily barren. Dave Wilkerson called it the death of a vision. Many true callings pass through a temporary graveyard. They enter the severe mercy of apparent lifelessness, where no amount of pushing can produce fruit, and where all our small acts of self-salvation are exposed for what they are.

But maybe this, too, is part of God’s kindness. He is making sure the calling stays sacred, unpolluted by fleshly ambition. If I am standing in a place that feels dead, the wrong thing is to force a resurrection. The right thing is to return to the posture that honors Him most ~ rest, worship, and waiting that still expects Him to speak life.

Lord, today I borrow Solomon’s prayer: I am but a little child and do not know which way to go. Lord, keep me from birthing what You have not breathed. Amen

In Want For The Heart of God

There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day.  At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table.  Even the dogs came and licked his sores.  The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side.  The rich man also died and was buried.  In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side.  So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’  Luke 16:19-24

Lazarus lay at the gate in full view. He was not hidden. His sores were visible and dogs came to lick them. His hunger was also obvious. His weakness was impossible to miss. People walked by him, heard him, saw him, and kept going. That is part of what makes this story so sharp: suffering sat at the front door, and no one bent down.

The rich man saw Lazarus every day. He moved between purple linen, good food, and comfort, while Lazarus longed for crumbs. It would have cost him almost nothing to help. A little food. A little kindness. One small act of mercy. But his heart had grown insulated. Purple linen never touched the rags of the beggar.  He had everything, yet somehow had no room for compassion.

Then death reversed the whole picture.

Lazarus was carried by angels to Abraham’s side. The rich man lifted up his eyes in torment. The one who had begged for crumbs was now comforted. The one who had refused mercy was now begging for a drop of water. Just a drop. But Lazarus could not help him. This was eternity, and God’s judgment was final.

This story is not mainly about money. It is about the heart. God is not impressed by what I own, nor does He overlook what I ignore. He watches how I respond to the suffering placed near me. He sees whether my heart is soft, whether mercy moves me, whether I can still be interrupted by another person’s pain.

Life has many seasons.  I may be the beggar.  I may also be the rich man.  As a beggar, there is grace for every need, no matter who denies me.  As a rich man, I follow Christ, who showed me how to be a servant by laying aside his royal robes to walk the path of humility.

Jesus, I align my perspectives.  Amen

A Locked Door

When the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!”  John 20:19

The disciples are undone. They had grown to love Jesus with the kind of love that changes the whole shape of a life. He had spoken to them of a kingdom, and they believed Him. But only days earlier, they had watched Him be arrested, condemned, and crucified. Now everything inside them is shaking. The future they thought they were stepping into seems to have collapsed. So they gather behind locked doors—to grieve together, and to hide.

And if sorrow were not enough, fear is there too. If this is what they did to Him, what will they do to us?

Yet into that shut-up, trembling room, Jesus comes. He enters the very place they have sealed off. Not as an intruder breaking in, but as the risen Redeemer coming to His own.

He knows how to enter rooms we have closed tight, the places where the light has gone dim, and hope has lost its edges. No locked place is beyond His reach. The risen Christ comes into spaces barred by unbelief, trauma, sorrow, and shame. He is not unsettled by our fear, nor silenced by our silence. He comes carrying the finished peace of His cross. It is a peace purchased by His blood and made unshakably true by His resurrection.

Lord Jesus, speak Your peace where our hearts have forgotten how to rest. Amen

Grasping What Really Happened

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.  John 19:30

Jon Oswalt, an Old Testament professor from Asbury Seminary, wrote about some little-known happenings at Passover.  He said that on any given day, two lambs were slaughtered in the temple; one in the morning and one in the evening.  On Passover however, 250,000 lambs were slaughtered.  I can’t fathom it, can you?   Here’s the quote from Oswalt’s writing. 

“At Passover time, rivers of blood poured off the high altar, so much so that there was a gutter system under the altar designed to carry that blood away into the Kidron Valley.  Think about it: if Jesus waded across the Kidron on his way from the Upper Room to Gethsemane, he may have waded through blood up to his knees.”

Knowing that this would have been a yearly reality for the Jewish people, I’m surprised that they had long periods of disobedience, and subsequent captivity, given the horrific scenes they saw at each Passover.  It was visually evident how God felt about sin.  Such carnage was proof.  What must they have done to their hearts and consciences to be able to cope with the traumatic scenes each year?

Fast forward to the cross. Oh, what a moment when Jesus said, “It is finished.”  Did His mother understand the implications of His words? Did John and the few others who stood nearby? It was not mere commentary on life being over. In time, they would have a theological peg on which to hang the finished work of the cross. No more sacrifices!  No more bloodshed!

Fix my heart at the cross until I live in the freedom of what Your finished work has secured for me. Help my unbelief. Amen