But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand. Psalm 31:14-15

Anyone who has struggled with an anxiety issue knows how crippling it can be. Something triggers it and that ‘thing’ is different for everyone. It can be a fear of the dark, or something more defined and unique like a creaking of the floor outside a closed door, a thunderstorm, or a dreaded car coming up the driveway. Whatever sounds or smells triggered the original stressful event are the sounds and smells that stay with you for life. None of us are unaware of the PTSD our soldiers suffer from their time overseas. The sound of a balloon popping sounds like gunfire and sparks as much terror as though they were still on the battlefield.

In my thirties and early forties, I faced my own triggers, not by choice but out of necessity. They were performance related. What was the catalyst? The ticking of a clock backstage.

As a 14 year old teenager, I was performing in very stressful situations where I simply wasn’t prepared. An hour before going on stage, music was being thrown at me to perform. Little of it involved just sight-reading. That would have been easier. Most of it was improvisation ~ looking at a piece of music, transposing it, then modulating to other keys while crafting an intro and ending. It was never just one piece of music but five or six for one evening. Three to five thousand people were often attending. While backstage, I watched the clock. It felt like a bomb about to go off. “I have thirty minutes to learn this. Fifteen minutes. Seven minutes. Oh no, I’m not ready. But I have to be!” Then I would hear my name being announced, I would flip a switch in my head and walk out. You get the progression of fear, I’m sure. I felt like Job when he said, “That which I feared has come upon me.”

How creative is God when He is called upon to heal complicated issues? I found out when anxiety crippled me twenty years later. I cancelled concerts due to ‘illness’ but what people never saw was the thirty-year-old woman huddled in a ball on a nearby hotel floor. God came to my rescue. He assured me that He was Lord over the clock and Lord over all time. In fact, He operated outside of time and space and had me in His hands. In the space of several years, performance anxiety was replaced by a joy of knowing that I didn’t take the stage alone. I was not under pressure to perform without supernatural help. (I also learned to say ‘no’.) I gave my mind, memory, talent, and hands to the One who is all-powerful. Currently, I do not suffer from any stage related anxiety at all.  Praise be to God! I can see a clock and not even make a painful association

God’s healing is creative and personal. God’s healing is unlimited and love-driven. God’s healing was conceived long before the painful event ever happened to you or me. He is a God of intervention, not a God of passivity. Though life can catch up to us and momentarily pin us to the ground, God has already visited us here on His heavenly timetable. He has woven an intimate cocoon where He and His child can step out of time and rebuild what was shattered so long ago.

I love You more because of how You love me. I know that’s childish but You knew that’s how it would be. Thank you for giving me wings out of confinement. Amen

O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Psalm 4:2

People can trample on beautiful things in my life. I lend someone something very precious but they are careless and break it. I share my good news with someone whom I assume will be joyful over my joy, but it stirs up envy instead.   I announce a spiritual breakthrough with a really good friend but the telling falls flat and I don’t know why.

Family and close friends are turning King David’s honor into shame. His reign, obviously anointed by God, is in jeopardy because of family jealousy. His power hungry son, Absalom, wants to de-throne him. The glory of David’s kingdom is being trampled on. Those once loyal to him are aligning with his handsome, manipulative son. Absalom is preying upon their naiveté with vain words, making promises he cannot keep. He sways them because he’s handsome and most people are gullible around a fast talker. These are the darkest days of David’s life. Though he experienced the treachery of King Saul earlier in his life, the pain of that pales in comparison to the treachery of a son.

Demonic driven ungodliness, resident in Absalom, takes its toll. Because Satan hand-picked Absalom, it doesn’t take long for this son of David to unravel what has been secure. David now lives in inflicted shame. The arrows of character assassinations penetrate his soul. He probably understands that Absalom isn’t working alone. He has the power of hell behind his efforts. Satan’s infiltration into the heart of Absalom has fashioned a formidable foe and perhaps David remembers the same murderous look in the eyes of a once demonized King Saul.

“How long, Lord?” David asked what you may be asking today. You’re waiting. You’re clinging to God’s promises. You’re aching for redemption. You’re longing to see God justice come to pass. You wonder if God is going to allow this adversary to take you down. You feel certain that you will be a spiritual casualty. Hold on! David did resume his throne. Today, God is still on His! Though the plans of your antagonist might appear effective, God is not worried nor is he intimidated. He honors His children in due time and while you wait, He crowns your inside world with peace.

You understand Your earth-bound children. The clock moves slowly. Give us peace beneath the current of the storm as we dive deeper into the resources of You. In Jesus’ name, Amen

 

Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.  Psalm 69:20

The Psalmist knew human nature.  He knew that we are often punished for the breadth of a lifetime for mistakes we’ve made.  Grace, even from Christians, can be absent.

Some families don’t forget words spoken in a scathing argument, even though the blowup might have been twenty years ago.  People in our hometowns may gossip about the choices we made in our teens whenever we come home to visit.  Even church congregations have a way of reminding us of the sins for which we’ve already repented.  Many of us probably knows what it’s like to wear a scarlet letter.

God, because of His mercy, loves to offer a clean slate on the other side of forgiveness.  People just don’t give that kind of gift easily.  We are fragile beings, petrified of being hurt again or being made to look like a fool again.  God is so different.  He will grant me unconditional pardon even in the face of the high probability that I’ll sin the same way again. Will He be hurt when it happens?  Yes.  But even then, He won’t compile all my previously confessed sins and use the great number of them as a way of disqualifying my next act of repentance.

The Psalmist is breaking under the heavy burden of blame.  He wants God to change the minds of the ones who are throwing stones.  Since God is the one who can turn the hearts of kings and princes however He wishes, the Psalmist knows that God can also change the mindset of those who point fingers.  Perhaps they will look at their own sin and remember how much they need God’s forgiveness.  Whether they will or not, God will be there for him to offer a supernatural peace that sustains him.

Are you around someone who refuses to extend mercy?  Does their reproach cause you to hate yourself?  Perhaps you feel that God is also your constant accuser, never letting you forget your past even though you’ve begged for His forgiveness.  You and I must always remember that Satan can sound like the Spirit of God.  He has been quite successful at disguising his voice and donning righteous robes.  He suggests that reviewing our sin is really holy conviction when it’s nothing more than nasty accusations against forgiven children of God.  Don’t be fooled.  Hold your head high and throw off the shame.  Joy and peace are on the other side.

I dread being around people that never let me live the past down.  Oh, that’s not You, Lord.  Yesterday’s failures are a forgotten subject.  I am standing tall in the light of new mercy.  In Jesus name, Amen

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GETTING TO THE DANCE PART

Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe!  Psalm 150:4

How comfortable are you at the thought of dancing before the Lord?  Our answers will differ according to our denominational affiliation and history.

In scripture though, a ‘dance’ is referenced many more times than the way it is in this Psalm.

For instance, when the creation of the world is described, the interaction between the God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is described as a continual slow dance.  They move within their unity with grace, joy, and precision.  I was also surprised to discover that something the Apostle Paul wrote connects to the idea of a dance.  Here it is.  Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more.  I Thess. 4:12   I miss a lot of the meaning of scripture once it is translated from Greek to English.  Unless I become adept enough in my Bible study skills to do some word studies, I’ll never know I passed over something golden.  So Eugene Peterson, in THE MESSAGE, translates Paul’s verse this way.  “One final word, friends.  We ask you ~ urge you is more like it ~ that you keep on doing what we told you to do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living, spirited dance.” I love this!  Having lived for decades in a religious prison camp, I was overjoyed to discover that there was another way of life in Christ.  Dancing surely describes it.

When I choose to learn a new skill, it seems like it is all work.  It is not natural for me to perform it.  The thinking and coordination it takes to accomplish it can feel daunting.  I fear I’ll never master it.  Practice is the key because once it becomes second nature, the joy kicks in.

So it is with God’s instructions and my obedience.  When I first decided to follow in His footsteps, it was like walking in foreign territory.  It was all struggle on my part; impartation of grace on His.  At some point, the practice began to pay off.  Now, I wear some of His ways like a second skin.  I no longer have to harness every inclination.  I more fully understand the ways of Jesus and find that practice makes them a part of me.

I know, in part, what Peterson speaks of in his paraphrase today.  Oh, to dance with the labor part behind me!  To no longer have to look at my feet and think over every move means that I can close my eyes and enjoy the waltz.

Help me not lose heart today, Lord, over things I’m still learning.  One day, doing it will feel like breathing.  In Jesus’ name, Amen