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Let my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word!  Let my plea come before you; deliver me according to your word.  Psalm 119:169-170

‘Give me understanding’ ~ to finally realize, have skill with concepts, perceive with accuracy.

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​I have a huge decision to make, Lord.  I know in my spirit that something is wrong with a certain situation, Lord.  I have no peace in my spirit.  The weight of indecision is crushing me.  When I think about it, I can find what appears to be righteous but is it all a smokescreen?  Is it really of Your kingdom or is it all unrighteousness?  I know that the evil one is good at masking what is unholy. My discernment can be skewed.  May it not be!

​God, I cry out for understanding.  I need to come to a divine realization about what is really happening.  I need to be skillful with the concepts of the kingdom in order to diagnose it correctly.  I need to perceive what is in front of my eyes with Your wisdom.  Help me see behind all the posturing and pretension.

​I am grateful beyond words that my cries are not made in vain.  They do not dissipate into thin air.  They come directly to You and You listen compassionately.  You are vested in every care that concerns me.  You love the prayers of Your children.  You take pleasure in answering and giving wisdom to those who seek it.  I am the seeker today.  I am the one pleading for deliverance from what is elusive and obscure.

​Let the truth come forth as arrows coming to my heart.  Let me rejoice in the relief that truth brings.  Melt away the stress of indecision.  Put an end to the wrestling that has plagued me day and night.  Bring deliverance and then give me the courage to act on whatever truth You reveal.  I am bold because I stand as one loved, and as one holy, in Your presence. All because of Jesus.

​Let my soul live and praise You, and let Your rules help me.  Psalm 119:175   In Jesus name, Amen

Our fathers trusted in, leaned on, and confidently relied on You, and were not ashamed or confounded or disappointed.  Psalm 22:5

Lord, let long forgotten vows make their way to my lips.  Let me declare what I have not spoken for a long time.  Let the deadly routine of what has become comfortable be shaken.  Just as you make me holy, make this relationship holy.  I am a lover, not a frozen companion.  I am a receiver, not a resistant abstainer.

There is no breech that You cannot mend.  There is no unspeakable topic that You cannot facilitate.  There is no fear that You cannot annihilate.  I lay out my heart before You.  Though I tremble, nothing is off limits to Your probing of my heart.  Bring to mind every single place that needs grace. I will tread upon that which I’d rather forget because Your love makes me strong.

If I declare my love and affectionate words are not returned, I forgive in advance.  If my heart courageously opens and another heart remains closed, I know that You hold my heart in Your hands.  If I broach a difficult subject and there is no closure, I know that You will reward my obedience.  I will give grace where it is not deserved and I will ask for grace where it is not merited.  No matter the outcome, Your grace is enough.  I feel like a small child as I confront my fear but I am tall, graceful, fluent, and agile in Your kingdom.  Imprint this picture on my soul.

I want to finish well.  Marriage is a picture of Your love for Your church. You rejoice when my marriage looks like the marriage You envisioned in the Garden.  Bless my endeavors.  How it needs the wind of Your Spirit.  I can see every way this undertaking might fail but help me see that if I do my part, my obedience will be credited as righteousness.  In Your eyes, there will have been spiritual success.

Lord, if You come today, I won’t want anything to exist that I regret. I take hold of the hem of Your garment, Your tallit, and ask for an infusion of Your strength.  No ground is more intimidating than this but ~ You, Lord, are the strength of my life.  Of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1 In Your name I pray these things, Amen

Blessed be the Lord, my Rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.  Psalm 144:1

Trains ~ Perceives by sight or some other sense.  Distinguishes and discriminates.

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PRAYER:  Teach me how to fight my enemy like You did, Jesus.  He comes at me like he came at you; quoting scripture, presenting spiritual arguments in such a persuasive way that it’s hard to discern if what I’m hearing is a God-breathed idea.  But You knew the difference when You were in the desert and You will train me to develop my spiritual senses, too.

Many decisions lay in front of me.  How do I know Your plans for me?  My enemy mimics Your voice and wants to lead me to do something spiritual at the wrong time.  The consequences are too great if I am a novice.

He told You to turn stones to bread when You were hungry.  It wasn’t an evil idea Lord, because You did it later with the loaves and fishes.  The miracle in the desert would have just been premature but how did You know?   Was it because He promised You a way out of pain before it was time?

Today, I am asking You to teach me, train me, make me sharp and discerning.  You promised You would when You sent Your Spirit to live inside Your children.  “He will become your teacher and guide,” You said.   How I need You.  Satan would have me move when I should be still, speak when I should hold my tongue, overextend myself when I should simplify, feel guilty when I should celebrate Your forgiveness, and even bring an end to something holy when it’s nearly time for advancement.

Speak Your Word into my spirit.  Speak loudly and clearly.  You promised that Your sheep would know Your voice.  So, let me know without a doubt that it’s You and not him.  Or, let me know that it’s him and not You.  Give me the precise Word to speak to overcome the voice of the tempter and liar.  Make me skilled and seasoned with the Sword for a battle that I cannot see.  All for Your honor and glory.  In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” Genesis 22:2

When God calls me to a difficult act of obedience, because there appears to be great risk involved, I label it ‘blind obedience’. But, is it really?

There is nothing more difficult than what Abraham was told to do with Isaac. To obey was agonizing. Yet, I contend that his obedience wasn’t blind.

• Blindness is not having any idea where to put your feet. Abraham walked each step toward Moriah on the foundational stones of God’s character.
• Blindness is not being able to perceive what is ahead. When I obey God, I know what’s ahead; the blessing and spiritual prosperity that comes with following God’s instructions.
• Blindness involves the fear of falling and causing great personal injury. Abraham knew the God who held him fast and had already experienced His supernatural protection and provision.
• Blindness involves great risk. But ‘risky’ usually means foolish. God is not careless with His children. There is no risk when I walk in the purposes God has always had planned for me. Though pain will be part of it, the joy of eternal purposes being fulfilled far outweigh it. No risk involved.

Obedience is not blind. With my faith in tact, there are so many things I can count on and see with my spirit-eyes. In fact, there’s 20/20 vision. God’s history, recounted in the pages of scripture, show me the outcome of those who remember God and walk in His ways.

What has God told you to do. You’re fainting, perhaps. Frozen in place. You were told to leave a family business. Start a new ministry. Confront a family member. Stay in a marriage where you are not loved. Without faith in God’s character, courage will not come to you. Please know that you can embark on this journey to Moriah with a full backpack. Love, promises, a solid history of the One you follow, future blessing, and perfect companionship.

Silence the voice of the accuser who reminds me that the stakes are too high. The only voice I want to hear is Yours, Lord, urging me to follow You and live! Amen

. . . so that the world may know that I love the Father, I do exactly as the Father commanded Me Get up, let us go from here. John 14:31

The Trinity had always been together, functioning in perfect harmony from before time. Their synergy is described in terms of a rhythmic slow dance. They moved in perfect sync. Each had a clearly defined role and the execution of them was achieved without the slightest hint of friction. So, imagine how their rhythm was disrupted when the Son left the Trinity to go to His mission field. Intimacy was disrupted as the Son became a child in Mary’s womb. God the Father bade His Son goodbye and watched Him leave. God was able to see into the future and though there was no fear of the unknown, there was still pain. He knew what awaited His child. Jesus did too – until He woke up as an infant in His mother’s arms.

What kept Jesus going? He was born in political upheaval and Roman rule was crude and cruel. The first way Jesus survived would due to His connection with His Father. The way He persevered was due to the love He felt for each of us. The way He endured resulted from His desire to be obedient to His Father’s call.

Jesus wouldn’t have made it without the fuel of all three catalysts. Before time, God envisioned the 40 days of temptation in the desert. He knew Lucifer intimately and could predict the all out war that would be waged. God knew who would accept Jesus as the Messiah. He knew the faces of those who would openly reject Him, too. He foresaw the close calls; the brushes with death as crowds plotted to kill Jesus. He meticulously planned each way of escape to ensure that His Son would fulfill His mission at Calvary. And yes, the Father also rejoiced, in advance, over the disciples that would be called and mentored. He looked down through the ages and saw an unstoppable church on the move. It would be battered but it would prevail. He saw it all and He felt what human parents feel at their child’s departure. Joy and agony.

The exact same way the Father infused fire and endurance into the life of His Son, He’s willing to infuse fuel into you and me. No magic formula. It’s about connection. This is the joy set before us.

I never want to live again through my iron will and gritted teeth. Always Lord, be near and fill me with Your fire. Amen

Tomorrow is the first month’s anniversary of our son’s death.  In some ways, it seems like a year has gone by.  So much emotion has been packed into so short a time.  For the first several weeks, sleeping soundly was impossible.  I’m just now starting to catch up.  What better place to do it than to go home to my roots.

While I live in Georgia and call that home, my roots are in New England in a little town called Petersburgh.  I am fortunate to be able to go back to my childhood home (my sister still lives there) and walk the grounds that overlook the river, and then go to bed in my old bedroom.

There’s something about going home that allows you to get your bearings.  I finally slept last night – all night – for a good 11 hours.  I’ve gotten out to drive all the back roads I love and it has given me much time for reflection and conversations with Jesus.

There’s also something about going home to the heart of God that allows us to get our spiritual bearings.  He is the safe place.  He hushes our agitation.  He speaks into the void where emptiness eats away at the soul.  He puts all our questions to rest as faith believes that He is enough ~ even without answers.

I’ve printed out Hebrews 11:1 on an index card and have been living in it for the past four weeks.  Here it is in THE MESSAGE.  The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see.  The meaning of ‘getting my spiritual bearings’ is unwrapped in this scripture.  Trust in God is the firm foundation that makes life (even in the midst of tragedy) worth living.  Trust in God is my handle on what I can’t see.

Suicide leaves so many questions behind.  Haunting questions.  Most never know the answers to why someone took their own life.  While here in my childhood surroundings, spiritual rest is intermittent amidst the grief but it is there nonetheless.  My trust in God has not been shaken loose from its moorings.  He’s got me.  He’s got my son.  He’s got the answers.  For everything I cannot see, or know, I do know in whom I have believed.

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.  Psalm 39:7

Faith doesn’t exist if I can cope on my own.  Faith begins when a situation looks hopeless and it appears as if Satan is winning.  I’m called to invest my heart when it feels like folly if I do.

Abraham probably felt exhilarated when he received the promise of a child.  High on spiritual adrenaline, he was full of faith.  But when faith meets the real world and the thrill of hearing from God is dulled by life, faith is tested.  The miracle of Abraham’s story and why God blessed him so much was that his faith did not weaken when he considered the odds against he and Sarah.  They had always been barren.  They were now old.  They had never known anyone their age who had conceived.  It seemed preposterous to believe they could be the first.

Faith defies feelings ~ because it requires me to believe God though I have sunk comfortably into disbelief.  It’s so easy to grow complacent, throw my hands up and give up.  I can feel relieved not to trust anymore and to let my hope die.  Faith is uncomfortable, challenging me to confront it and then open my heart to God and the promise of a blessed future..

 When things are the bleakest, faith has a starting place.  And, when there is no proof that faith is rational, that’s when I cling all the more to it.

You are Power, Peace, and the Promise.  I trust.  Amen