RE-GROUPING FOR THE NEXT PHASE

And he inquired about their welfare and said, “Is your father well, the old man of whom you spoke? Is he still alive?” They said, “Your servant our father is well; he is still alive.” And they bowed their heads and prostrated themselves. And he lifted up his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother’s son, and said, “Is this your youngest brother, of whom you spoke to me? God be gracious to you, my son!” Then Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there. Genesis 43:27-30

            Joseph had it all planned out. He would test his brothers, temporarily incarcerate Simeon, send them back to Canaan and then return to Egypt with Benjamin, and all the while, none of his family would know who he was. The next phase would be more personal, more difficult to play out without disclosing his own identity. How would he serve them a meal, see Benjamin, and then talk of their father without his heart giving way? Years of pent up grief and homesickness were bubbling at the surface, begging escape. The only recourse when weeping was close to exploding was to excuse himself to re-group in private. He kept them waiting while he wept in the next room.

            Knowing when to re-group can be tricky. When emotions are strong, whether grief, anger, or frustration, it’s hard to reign them in for a better time. I don’t believe I have the restraint to keep overwhelming feelings in check instead of express them. Continue reading “Re-Grouping For The Next Phase” →

WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THE END

And when we came to the lodging place we opened our sacks, and there was each man’s money in the mouth of his sack, our money in full weight. So we have brought it again with us, and we have brought other money down with us to buy food. We do not know who put our money in our sacks.” He replied, “Peace to you, do not be afraid. Your God and the God of your father has put treasure in your sacks for you. I received your money.” Then he brought Simeon out to them. Genesis 43:21-13

         Who would have thought that too much money in their sacks would be a problem? That’s a good problem unless the ruler of Egypt has your future in his hands and will perceive that the money is stolen. Then you have some explaining to do. It appears that fast-talking will be your only salvation. How limited their spiritual perspective is! They do not know that the ruler they fear is Joseph. They do not know that God is writing the plotline of this severe testing of character. Ignorance is a good thing. If they knew, perhaps their people pleasing would kick in ~ in order to gain favor. After all, they, and their children, were hungry.

         Ah, God does all things well. A spiritual test is never enjoyable. It takes me to edge where, for a moment, everything hangs in the balance. What I think, what I do, all seems so critical and so fragile. Never is the war of the flesh stronger than when I am reacting to a customized test from God. He knows just how to take me to the end of myself in order to confront what is in my heart. When I arrive at that ‘ugly thing’ I’ve not been willing to see before now, I expect His hand to come sweeping down to pronounce a death sentence. I’m positive that it will be my ultimate humiliation.

         But then, upon humble acknowledgement and prayers for grace, I hear the same words the brothers heard from Joseph. “Peace you to. Do not be afraid.”

         “Search me and know me. Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me.” Ps.139:23 is not a prayer for the fainthearted. I am spiritually dull and don’t know myself well at all. And since “God desires truth in the inward parts.” Ps.51:6, arriving at it is arduous. But a God who accepts humble sinners is at the other end, bent down with his arms open to me. The painful discovery I made is only new to me. He knew it all along and, oh, how he loved me in spite of it.

Just yesterday, you revealed an ugly truth and today there is peace. I wouldn’t want to belong to anyone else. Amen

GETTING CLOSE ENOUGH TO MERCY

When Joseph saw Benjamin with them, he said to the steward of his house, “Bring the men into the house, and slaughter an animal and make ready, for the men are to dine with me at noon.” The man did as Joseph told him and brought the men to Joseph’s house. And the men were afraid because they were brought to Joseph’s house, and they said, “It is because of the money, which was replaced in our sacks the first time, that we are brought in, so that he may assault us and fall upon us to make us servants. Genesis 43:16-18

         The brother’s history of sin against Joseph makes them skittish. Rightly so. How many would forgive being sold into slavery by a family member? (And it’s happening today all over the world.) Though it has been nearly two decades, to them it feels like yesterday. Though they didn’t know Joseph’s identity yet, their guilty conscience causes them look for God’s judgment anywhere it can be found. They assume that this ruler in Egypt will be the instrument of God’s discipline. While they prepare for hardship, Joseph prepares a feast in their honor. Mercy is not rational.

         When I consider my past sins, I can turn away from God in fear. I cannot conceive (though I know a lot about the cross) that God will have the face of mercy instead of judgment.

         There’s a new song out by Big Daddy Weave called Overwhelmed. It’s currently my husband’s favorite song. Here is the part of the song that I hear him singing throughout the day.

God, I run into Your arms

Unashamed because of mercy

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You.

         It is not possible to describe the gift of God’s mercy. He brings me close when I should be alienated. He forgives when I should be punished. He makes me a friend when I have proven to be His enemy. He opens His arms wide when I’m convinced that all access to Him will be locked.

         Joseph is a type of Jesus. He shows us what unthinkable mercy looks like. My part is to dare to believe such good news. How tragic to run from God my whole life, only to discover that I ran from mercy. In His hands, He holds the robe of His son. He waits to put it around my shoulders. When I wear it, I am as sinless as His Son, Jesus. Mercy not only forgives, it removes my sin completely.

Mercy is free but it’s on the other side of true remorse. Show me the difference between remorse and living with a guilty conscience. Amen

WHAT I LONG FOR

            May God Almighty grant you mercy before the man, and may he send back your other brother and Benjamin. And as for me, if I am bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.”. Genesis 43:14

            Since Joseph’s disappearance, Jacob had held Benjamin close. He wasn’t going to let him out of his sight for fear that some bad end would also come to him. Years of playing God had become normal but in his old age, God tested him. For all to live, Benjamin must go to Egypt. Jacob didn’t give in easily. At the first suggestion, he adamantly refused. Only famine and the threat of extinction wore him down. He finally abdicated. “If I lose all my children, then so be it.”

            Are you tired of fighting? You’ve held on to hope and clutched your dream. You’ve not let anyone too close for fear that your resolve would be challenged. You’ve controlled things quite artfully. No one knows that your iron will is fragile. I know. I’ve been a dreamer, too.

            No one can predict the moment when I will stop fighting. My resolve to make things work crumbles. Continue reading “What I Long For” →

WHEN GOD HEMS YOU IN

Now the famine was severe in the land. And when they had eaten the grain that they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, “Go again, buy us a little food.” But Judah said to him, “The man solemnly warned us, saying, ‘You shall not see my face unless your brother is with you.’ Genesis 43:1-3

            Does God sometimes confine His child? Yes.   Perhaps you object. “What happened to the God of spacious places?”  He’s that, too. There’s a time and a season for everything. When it’s time to train and direct a child’s steps, a Father confines. When it’s time to deliver, confinement ends and spacious places begin. For our good, God initiates both.

            There were a few times in my life when God asked me to do something extremely difficult. I objected and had many reasons why it wasn’t possible; I didn’t feel I could handle it, I felt it was a mistake deep in my spirit, and/or I didn’t want to face a certain issue. Jacob knew this kind of dread. He swore that Benjamin would never go to Egypt. He made this paternal declaration to his sons; the kind that children know is definitive. They knew not to argue.

            But then God overruled. Famine increased; food decreased. Options disappeared. God hemmed him in so that the only option was Egypt. I’m sure it seemed to Jacob like he’d never see Benjamin again. Was he frustrated that God didn’t provide another way? Probably. It probably seemed like God was cruel. Yet, eternal purposes prevailed and confinement initiated a lifesaving journey for the tribes of Israel. Egypt was the doorway to their future.

            There are so many ways God confines for my good. He can make me so uncomfortable in a job that I realize it’s time to leave. Misunderstood, rejected, unappreciated….these are often the catalysts for ultimate change. He can also cause this discomfort so that I learn to treasure Him above my own comfort.

            Oh, how He can hem me in emotionally. For my good, there may be an issue it’s time for me to confront. I may have run from it for a lifetime but God places me in the path of others who stir up this old wound. I can’t escape the triggers. With nowhere to run but God, I am forced to deal with something I’d rather forget.

            I don’t like to feel trapped. By nature, I recoil from the one who won’t let me escape. My last instinct is to draw closer to the very One who hems me in. Yet, that is what I must do with a Sovereign Father. I must intentionally run to the One who is wounding me. I hang on to the theology of God’s love and goodness. Through my tears, I know that the wound he inflicts is a life-saving one. Every step I take toward Egypt moves me closer to life, not death.

On the other side of every confinement has been abundant life. Help me remember that in this place of frustration. Amen

WHEN I’VE REACHED MY LIMIT!

And Jacob their father said to them, “You have bereaved me of my children: Joseph is no more, and Simeon is no more, and now you would take Benjamin. All this has come against me.” Then Reuben said to his father, “Kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you. Put him in my hands, and I will bring him back to you.” But he said, “My son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead, and he is the only one left. If harm should happen to him on the journey that you are to make, you would bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to Sheol.” Genesis 42:36-38

         Have you ever had a “That’s it, I quit!” moment? Over the long haul, you had held your tongue, you kept functioning, you stayed civil in a strained relationship, and you weren’t even aware that you were so fragile on the inside. But then it happened. It might have even been a little thing that sent you over the edge but there was no more elastic in your spirit to assume the weight of it. You snapped.

         Jacob’s breaking point was in this part of the story. Joseph is dead. Simeon has been seized by an Egyptian ruler and imprisoned. (None of them knew that the ruler was Joseph.) Now, in order to release Simeon, they must bring back another brother, the prized child of their father. Jacob’s soul rips the rest of the way. This was his limit and he declares there is no way that he will release Benjamin to anyone’s care but his own.

         Everyone has a limit. The issues vary. The amounts of stress vary. The ways each person abdicates his hope vary. Some cry. Some erupt with strong words. Some just walk away and never look back. Continue reading “When I’ve Reached My Limit” →

DO I RECOGNIZE THE TREASURE?

I rejoice at your word like one who finds great spoil.  Psalm 119:162

When I think of discovering spoil, I picture a scene in the movie, THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO.  Underneath the turquoise waters of an island called Monte Cristo, a penniless man (and his friend) discover the vast treasures of the lost ship SPARTA.  After diving into the shallow waters of a cave and discovering hundreds of trunks of gold, there is outrageous rejoicing. Coins are thrown into the air in celebration and there is dancing on the rocks because this treasure forever changes their future.   That’s what a good treasure does. Continue reading “Joy Of One Who Finds A Treasure” →

AGE AND GUILT

Then they said to one another, “In truth we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the distress of his soul, when he begged us and we did not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us.” And Reuben answered them, “Did I not tell you not to sin against the boy? But you did not listen. So now there comes a reckoning for his blood.” They did not know that Joseph understood them, for there was an interpreter between them. Genesis 42:21-13

         It appears at this point that Joseph’s brothers are accepting the responsibility for the hard times they are experiencing. They are reviewing their past sins against Joseph and are connecting the dots between wrongdoing and consequences. Wouldn’t everybody, given the same circumstances? That’s the question. Don’t most people, with age, own their mistakes?

         I can’t even count the numbers of people I’ve talked to who decided, after many decades, to confront an abuser from childhood. There was a kind of magical thinking that people in their senior years would admit the truth. It’s assumed that godly guilt would have set in at some point in their lives. But hopes for fairness and justice are smashed when the confrontation goes poorly. I’ve heard a comment like this more than I can count. “How could a man, at 67 years old, still deny that he did anything wrong?!”He does, and we will too if we’ve not bent our heart to the Teacher over the years. Truth can be shunned no matter what the age. Only a truth seeker will own his mistakes.

         One of the hardest parts of growing up is to see the adults of our lives; teachers, pastors, lawmakers, etc. with adult eyes. Our childhood vision begins to clear. With it comes the painful realization of someone who sinned against us. Thoughts of confrontation soon follow and when anger drives the timing of it, instead of the prompting of the Spirit of God, the results are usually heart-rending.

         Is there a way to tell ahead of time whether someone will be receptive to truth when confronted? While not entirely ironclad, I believe there is. Does that person have a track record of owning truth? Is the person humble? Have there been smaller things that the person has been willing to own and apologize for?

         The sad truth about people in general, even the elderly, is that ‘men love darkness rather than light’. And, ‘the way is narrow and few there be that find it’. In the midst of this reality though, you and I can pray for the Spirit of God to open blind eyes. God is powerful and prayer can till up hardened soil of unbelief. One last thing ~ confrontation should always occur on the other side of forgiveness When the heart is hot ~ keep silent.

Older doesn’t always mean wiser. Keep us from cynicism. Amen

SHREWD FOR THE SAKE OF CHRIST

By this you shall be tested: by the life of Pharaoh, you shall not go from this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of you, and let him bring your brother, while you remain confined, that your words may be tested, whether there is truth in you. Or else, by the life of Pharaoh, surely you are spies.” And he put them all together in custody for three days. Genesis 42:15-17

         When I hear the word shrewd, I don’t naturally think of it as a Christ-like attribute. It has negative connotations but there is such a thing as Spirit led shrewdness. Joseph made use of it here, not for self-protection, and not for revenge, but for kingdom purposes. He withheld information about his true identity and then went on to manipulate events for his brothers’ ultimate good. One theologian suggests that ‘Joseph played the role of a detective conducting a tough interrogation. He could not proceed with full transparency and expect to get accurate information from them.’

         The Hebrew word for shrewdness ‘ormah’ is translated as ‘good judgment’, ‘prudent’ or ‘clever’. (Proverbs 12:23; 13:16; 14:8; 22:3; and 27:12) Shrewdness is called for when I must do God’s work in hostile circumstances. Jesus instructed His disciples to be ‘shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves’. Although this is a life-saving spiritual skill, there is little instruction on how to do it. And without it, many Christians are led into danger. They lack critical discernment; they trust the wrong people and end up in captivity. I know. I was in such captivity for 22 years as I trusted wrong people in ministry.

         We are taught that a Christian should always be transparent, always be nice. If asked a question, we should be up front and answer it completely. But there are for varying circumstances. Openness and transparency should be reserved for those who earn it. I am to walk wisely as, once in a while, I am in proximity to someone who does not have God’s interest at heart. They have a track record for dealing treacherously with others. In my gut, I feel it would have negative consequences to be fully upfront with them. I find myself giving them partial truths, a kind of Joseph-answer, in order to protect kingdom enterprises that are fragile. If I am prayerful, void of personal agendas, I can rest in the assurance that shrewdness is wisdom.

         The danger here is to read this superficially and conclude that to be on God’s side is to condone all deceit. It should be the exception rather than the rule. Anger, unforgiveness, and personal agendas are signs that plans made with good judgment are skewed. I remember that Joseph had worked through betrayal. He had suffered well. The deception he employed was for his brother’s good, not for his need to make them pay. Ultimately, he knew that God making all of them into a nation hung in the balance. What he did, he did for God, not Himself.

Don’t let false guilt get in the way of sharp judgment. Amen

 

SPIRITUAL GIFTS AND HEAVY PRICE TAGS

Now Joseph was governor over the land. He was the one who sold to all the people of the land. And Joseph’s brothers came and bowed themselves before him with their faces to the ground. Genesis 42:6

         How fun it is to be a child and have a dream that someday everyone will bow down to me. It’s hedonistic to picture it coming to pass. Power such as this is an opiate for a kid.

         Joseph’s dream was from God but the way he perceived it might happen was not; it would take many years. Joseph needed the maturity to handle spiritual power and his brothers needed the humility brought about by years of failure and hardship.

         Spiritual gifts are wonderful things but my flesh quickly skews how they should be used. I don’t realize that I’m to exercise my gifts as Jesus would if He lived through me. Instead, I am self-centered as I use them only to feel good. I am a young Joseph. I am wide-eyed and immature, unwilling to embrace the heavy price tags associated with them. Here are a few.

• Teaching ~ I can teach what I want to teach and enjoy the accolades of others recognizing my giftedness. But God is supposed to choose the topics, choose the audience, and craft every word. I will be loved and I will be hated but He promises grace.
• Shepherding ~ I can shepherd those I’m attracted to and feel good when I’m appreciated. But God wants me to restore the broken and confront the ungodly. I must relinquish my need for acceptance.
• Leading ~ I can wear my power recklessly and lead others where I think they should go. I can enjoy being up front and having people answer to me but what about servant leadership? God calls me to lead by example. True spiritual power is about laying my life down.
• Showing mercy ~ I am gratified when I am able to extend mercy to those I feel need it and deserve it. It’s rewarding to dry their tears. But God also asks me to show mercy to those I feel are undeserving. He will also call me to withhold mercy for someone’s good until He says it’s time to act. Drying another’s tears too quickly interferes with what He is trying to tell them.

         Spiritual gifts are wonderful things, aren’t they? Yes, but joy is found when I use them in a way that earns my Father’s approval. I follow Jesus by doing only what His Father tells me to do. Every gift is under His control. I will be loved and I will be hated. I will be embraced and I will be shunned. When I rise up under God’s anointing, I commit myself to experience every mountaintop and valley on the narrow road to glory.

Your gifts, Your way, through me. Amen