Encouragement Skill #1

1.) LET THEM KNOW THEY’RE NOT ALONE

Just hours after the towers fell on 9/11, a recovery team heard cries for help and discovered part of a stairwell that had survived surprisingly in tact.  They found a half dozen people huddled  (all strangers before that morning) and embracing each other as hours before, everything around them roared and crumbled.  This shows us in a stunning way that when hard times come, we need to know that we are not alone.

Pain isolates us from other people and we begin to believe that no one has ever gone through what we are experiencing and that what we are feeling is unique.  We feel lonely.  Is there anything worse than believing you are alone and no one cares or understands?

God made us for community, not isolation.  He created us to be interdependent, not independent.  While we are not to be parasitic, we can humble ourselves to need others in a healthy way. It’s possible to need God and people.  Needing another to walk beside us doesn’t mean that our faith is not enough.  It means that we know God often expresses Himself through another believer.

Perhaps you are already fully engaged in this series because you love and care for people. You’re already thinking about a way to communicate to them that they do not suffer alone.  There are many ways to say it and show it.  Send a card, or a text, and know that just one line can make such a difference in someone’s survival.  Examples ~

  • Though I don’t always tell you, God brings you to my mind so often and I pray for you.
  • I struggle to find the words to tell you that my heart hurts when you are hurting.  
  • I woke up in the night thinking about you.  Though we are apart, in Christ we are connected. 
  • As I prayed for you, Jesus gave me a heart for you and what you are going through.  I felt the heaviness of your situation.

A neonatal nurse who worked in a pediatric hospital once told the story of twin boys who were born early, each under three pounds.  They were placed together in an incubator.  One was healthier than the other and the prognosis for the smaller child was poor.  One morning when the nurse came in to start her shift, she noticed that the strong brother had his arm wrapped around the weak one.  This happened more than once over the next few weeks and the weak one lived.

Paul the apostle is usually perceived as someone strong and independent, yet he said of a woman named Pheobe, Welcome her in the Lord as one who is worthy of honor among God’s people. Help her in whatever she needs, for she has been helpful to many, and especially to me.  Romans 16:2  We’re not told what Phoebe did but however she expressed God’s care, it imparted supernatural strength to Paul.

How will you let your hurting friend know they are not alone today?  Ask God to give you just the right words.

Really Reaching Those Who Hurt

Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked to us on the road?   Luke 24:32

I know how I feel when the Spirit of God speaks to me.  It’s especially meaningful when I need Him the most.   It’s wonderful, it’s convicting, it even causes me to ache for my future home with Jesus. I bet I feel like the group Luke describes.  They were walking down the road; Jesus showed up and began to share with them.  They didn’t recognize Him until afterward when they reviewed how they had felt when He spoke to them.  They described the experience like this ~’Did our hearts not burn within us as He talked?.’

What is it your hurting friend needs most? I often struggle to know how to reach out, having exhausted all my creativity to make a dent in their place of pain.  But really, what they need is a word, a touch, from Jesus.  When we speak, or sit beside them, or send a card, or extend meaningful touches, we should leave them feeling that something sacred occurred.  The memory of us being there should be akin to feeling that their ‘heart burned within them.’

This series will explore twelve creative ways to extend encouragement. Each suggestion helps lay a groundwork for God to show up.  So, who is it for whom your heart aches?  Who is it that has drained you of internal resources?  Who is it that is no longer affected by anything you do or say and you wonder what you should do next?  There are things we can do and there are things we can say.  Gestures will only make a spiritual impact if the Spirit has fueled them.  Over the next two weeks, I’ll be offering one suggestion a day.  Think of it.  That person you care about, the one who has shut himself or herself away into a place that is hard to reach, they just might feel Jesus’ touch.

Twelve encouragement skills can be perceived as twelve formulas.  Know that they are not and I need to qualify something. You and I can’t give away what we first don’t posses for ourselves!  If I don’t work out my own theology of pain and God’s sovereignty, I will not be able to provide the deep soul care others need despite my best efforts.  My words will ring hollow and they will be able to see through me.  Credibility builds a successful bridge.

Someone who knows Jesus well can say just a few words and I’m changed.  Someone who has not been with Jesus in a long time, and exerts effort from their own heart, can say a hundred words and fail to move me.  I received a note some time back from someone I hadn’t seen in a while.  The note simply said, “He has heard your cry.”  This note came on a day when I had asked the Lord if He was listening.  I was discouraged, weary in prayer, so for this note to arrive meant a lot to me.  The one who wrote it was undoubtedly nudged by God to write just one sentence.  She was obedient.  Five words, Spirit-driven, gave me my breakthrough.

Prepare our ears, then our hands, to do Your work of compassion.  Amen

Up Against a Wall

The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of His people. Psalm 33:10

Walls keep enemies on the outside but they can also keep someone who wishes to be free on the inside. Walls are their prison.

The Word of God has a lot to say about keeping our boundary lines secure in order to stay spiritually safe. But scriptures also reveal that God builds a wall in order to thwart the freedom and success of a wayward child. Though that is comforting when we want our loved one to be protected, it is also difficult to watch the struggle. We understand what is wrong but they don’t understand what God is trying to tell them.

The person in captivity lives discouraged because God’s wall obstructs every attempt to move forward. None of their plans come together. What has worked for others just doesn’t work for them. They apply for jobs but never hear back. They save money to fund their dreams but unexpected expenses keep draining their resources. What seems to add up on paper never becomes a reality. Unexpected medical expenses and car repairs (and other flukes) eat into their profits. The result? They are confined inside the wall that Gob built.

And here’s where it affects us. We tell them, “You just need to pray about your future. Only God can fix all of this.” But God is not a cosmic genie – there to facilitate a prosperity that is all about them and not about Him. Telling them to pray and ask for what’s on their wish list doesn’t address the fact that they want everything but God. Until they desire Him and the life He wants for them, the walls won’t come down.

Let’s say for the sake of argument that they did pray, and God in His mercy gave them what they asked for. Would that inspire them to give their lives to Christ? I doubt it. Their new idol would glitter and the joy of success would further shield them from their true spiritual needs.

When we watch someone we love get hemmed in by God, is there anything we can do? Three things.

1.) Bathed with a lot of prayer, there needs to be a conversation with the one who is stuck. They need to know that God is thwarting their path out of love and mercy. He is waiting to bless them, first with Himself, then with spiritual success.

2.) We need to stop trying to help them succeed. We are getting in the way of what God is trying to do.

3.) Ask God to quickly bring them to a place of submission. Ask Him to open their heart to sense His wooing. We are called to fight the fight in prayer by restricting the enemy from deceiving them and releasing them to desire Christ.

Lord, they are in a battle and don’t even know it. I see it so I am putting on my armor to get engaged. I will be Your prophet and your intercessor. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Save

Save

Waiting in My Moab

Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation. For the hand of the Lord will rest on this mountain and Moab shall be trampled down in his place. God will spread out his hands in the midst of it. Isaiah 25:9-11

         From it’s very beginning, the land of Moab was cursed.  The child, Moab, was born to Lot and his daughter.  Incest was the foundation of his personal history.  As his line increased, the nation of Moab grew stronger and became more evil. They practiced sorcery, open adultery, incest, and prostitution. They even threw unwanted children into the fire. When Moab is spoken of metaphorically in scripture, it refers to any place where evil reigns and God is dishonored.

         As a nation, we are residing in Moab. We are waiting for the Lord’s salvation. He is the One who will bring down the pride of His enemies, stripping them of the very things of which they are most proud. He will break their power and disable their ability to sin. He will destroy all their fortresses. While we wait, and faint because we see no sign of redemption, we can have great hope in the promises of a God who preserves his people until the day of deliverance.

         ‘Living in Moab’ can also describe the personal existence of many of God’s children. Maybe you are one of them. Moab may represent your home. You co-exist with unbelievers who are resistant to the very idea of Christ Jesus. Idolatry and blatant materialism are at the center of your loved one’s life. They sin boldly without the slightest wince. The closer you get to Jesus, the more friction you feel in your ‘Moab’. Continue reading “Waiting in My Moab” →

When Life Isn’t What I Dreamed It Would Be

“And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You. Psalm 39:7

Last night, this quote from John Piper was sent to me. It struck me so deeply that I actually dreamt about it.

Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped it would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have. John Piper/Desiring God Ministries

Life is a series of losses to be grieved. On the other side, God waits to be embraced and that is the most difficult thing of all. Satan wants me to believe that I’m forced to embrace the One who withheld my dreams. The very idea of intimacy with God, in that case, is distasteful. Who wants to be a friend with the person who has hurt you the most!

I have to look at the broader picture and take myself off center stage. Every chosen man and woman in Christian history was favored, but then afflicted. The ones who triumphed and experienced some unforgettable mountaintops along the way did so by trusting in the character of God. In spite of suffering, they partnered with a God who loved them and called them.

While Piper’s quote is short, each part penetrates and challenges.

I weep deeply over my disappointments. Tears are not the end of my journey but they are a part of it. It takes courage to admit that my hope has been spent. Think of the times you may have commented to someone, ‘You must be broken hearted!’ Rarely does someone admit it. The hurt is minimized because down deep, we suspect we can’t survive coming to such a conclusion.  Instead, we give our pat answers. ‘It’s just a bump in the road.’ ‘I’m a little sad but I’ll get over it.’ For me to know true joy, I have to embrace the unvarnished truth. Otherwise, unspent grief spills out in depression and/or anger. Most spend their lives trying to numb out pain.

I grieve the losses. Nothing is as intimidating. I believe that if I start crying, the tears will have no end. It’s an illusion. While much of grieving is solitary, I remain in a small community to keep my perspective. I surround myself with those who will encourage grief and not condemn. They speak Jesus’ words over me and give me whatever time is needed to emerge from the ashes. This is one reason not to make shallow people your best friends. Continue reading “When Life Isn’t What I Dreamed It Would Be” →

What Is This About?

For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.  Hebrews 6:4-6

Can believers lose their salvation?  This passage is not talking about a believer who fell away.  It describes one who tasted, flirted, and whose behavior was even shaped by time in the company in God’s congregation. He sensed the aroma of the Holy Spirit and was inspired by the messages of the eternal age to come, but after all of that, he fell away.

Perhaps you’ve known him.  He spent time in church.  He knew the songs.  He cried a time or two at a tender story.  His reputation was upstanding.  He seemed to enjoy the community but if you looked for solid evidence of his sanctification, it was absent.  He stayed the same from day to day, year to year, and a testimony of real change was missing.  With time, boredom set in and he lapsed into indifference. The lure of the world’s culture worked its charms. Though he hung out in the company of Jesus, he was not overcome with His glory. He learned the stories and the Christian rhetoric as if it were a script for a play but the language failed to bubble out of a changed and grateful heart.  He was an actor.

How has he re-crucified the Son of God and held him up to contempt?  By being close to Jesus but not giving his life to Him.  His departure was a declaration that Jesus isn’t glorious and His offer of salvation isn’t worth accepting.  He would stand with the crowd who crucified Jesus and agree from the sidelines that this person is worth rejecting.  He sees the cross, beholds Love, hears the offer of forgiveness, but walks away unimpressed.  Jesus is humiliated and rejected all over again.

We are told to be a discerner of spirits.  In looking for spiritual fruit, I must remember that there is a counterfeit for every fruit of the spirit.  A pretender of the faith can do loving things while feeling nothing.  He can look joyful but feel angst.  He can appear to be peaceful while sitting on a ton of anger.  There is the appearance of the Spirit’s fruit but it is not authentic.  You and I know the difference.  There is a mimic who finds it difficult to keep up appearances.  Once he falls away, whatever warmth once drew him to Jesus’ company leaves and his heart is hardened.  The spirit of repentance will be even farther from him, just as it was for the likes of Esau.

Your lessons for understanding people are deep.  I cannot possibly understand this without the help of Your Spirit.  Translate this message in just the way I need to hear it explained.  Amen

The Anniversary Of A Suicide

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.  John 1:5

Our enemy knows that God is Light.  He was once an archangel in heaven and saw the brilliance of the glory of the Godhead.  For much of eternity, he trembled and led the angels in worship.  Was God’s light so bright that he often had to look away?  We don’t know but one thing is for sure ~ he bowed in worship and led others to do the same before his appetite for power and autonomy corrupted him.  

Since Satan has seen God’s brilliance, and since he knows that Light overcomes darkness, why does he wage all-out war to wear out the saints?   And he shall speak great words against the most High and shall wear out the saints of the most High.  Daniel 7:25

Doesn’t he know that God’s children will tap into the ‘surpassing power of God’s greatness to all who believe?” (Ephesians 1:19) 

Doesn’t he know that we are well aware that victory over him was declared at Calvary?  (Hebrews 12:14)

Doesn’t he know that we have read the scriptures and we celebrate that he was paraded in defeat and humiliation before the whole spirit world?  (Colossians 2:15) 

Doesn’t he know that we take notice of the gift of God’s armor and put it on?  (Ephesians 6) 

Isn’t he aware that Paul calls it the ‘armor of Light’?  (Romans 13:12) 

Hasn’t he learned that we are aware of both our powerlessness in the flesh and our invincibility in the power of the name of Jesus?

Yes, he knows!  But he counts on the fact that, in times of distress, we will not stop to take stock of what is true about God, about His provisions and His promises.  Today is a day for our family to lean into God’s grace, asking Him for the courage to continue to trust His providence and promises. This is the second year anniversary of our son’s suicide. At 3:00 a.m. on this day two years ago, we answered a knock at the door that brought traumatic news the likes of which we’d never experienced. Ron heard the news first, then came and sat on the couch with me. He said, “This is the worst night of our lives.” And it was.

The feelings were both numbing and overwhelming. And on days like today, Satan counts on us caving into our overwhelming feelings.  He knows how hard it is to exercise faith in the throes of pain and distress.  He knows that our instinctive reactions to the memories of traumatic events involve emotions first, then thoughts.  He knows that by wearying us with battle after battle, we just might succumb to disillusionment and distrust of our Father.  What is the alternative?  

Oh, we can choose to believe that hardship is an opportunity to flex new faith muscles.  We can know that it’s possible to sing through our tears.  When drowning under the sea of trouble, we can rely on the surpassing power of God’s greatness.  We can don our armor and put-on Christ.  We can take the Light of the world into our fears, into the darkness of unbelief, into the chasm of sleeplessness, and into the worst of our ‘what ifs’ to discover that a foundation in Christ is solid as a Rock.  In the darkest moments of today, there is still light. Our son is worshipping at the feet of Jesus.

The world shakes but You, Lord, are unshakeable.  Amen

Consider The Worst Part

Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD: Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn.  Isaiah 51:1

When Jesus talked with the woman at the well in Samaria, He took intentional steps to prepare her to receive Truth.  They began by talking of the mundane; water, thirst, and drinking.  He made a segueway to its spiritual counterpart; spiritual water, spiritual thirst, and the possibility of a drink that would forever quench thirst.  Jesus conversed about all of this because it needed to precede the revelation of Himself.  Thirst needed to overtake her and wake up her heart ~ for she had stopped dreaming of a Savior long ago.

She came alive as Jesus talked. She rose to engage Him in animated conversation.  Thirsty, she finally voiced a desire to what He was offering.  “Give me this drink,” she said.  But Jesus didn’t answer…. “I’m speaking of myself and this is how you drink of me.”  He immediately brought up the subject of her husband which unearthed the most painful of any possible admissions she might have to make.  She had been married five times and lived with a sixth man.  I often wondered why Jesus’ strategy was to change the subject. Perhaps it was to put His finger on the most painful place in her life.  By doing so, the message was this ~ If you want the most profound encounter possible with Me, you must drink of Me where you need Me the most.  Because she didn’t shy away, she received new life.

What is the worst part of your story? Have you dared unearth the need associated with the memory?  Where does it feel risky to trust God?  What would Jesus say if He sat on the edge of the well with you.  “I saw you at twenty four when you wanted to give up.”  Or, “When you were little, scared and hiding, thinking no one cared, did you know that I was there?”  In these crises of faith, in the darkest places of unbelief, Jesus calls us to a new awareness that there is such a thing as Living Water.  If we drink of Him, we will never need look again to fickle sources to give us what we think we need to feel whole.  We will find Him to be enough.

The Christian life begins when I learn the truth about God, when I learn the truth about myself, and apply the truth about God to the truth about me.  The Gospel is life changing only when it starts with great spiritual need.

Lord, I want to know the hope to which You have called me and Your incomparably great power for me if Ibelieve in You.  Amen

Living In The Middle

“You cannot serve God and money. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Matthew 6:24-27

The anxiety of trying to serve opposites is tormenting. What does this have to do with worrying? What I’ll eat? What I’ll wear? What others think of me? Whether I’ll be employed? Whether I’m seriously ill? Anxiety serves Master Satan. To worry is to wonder if God is faithful and Satan is the author of that. Worry leads to autonomy. I take care of myself because I believe God won’t.

Remember the daisy game? ‘He loves me – He loves me not.’ Though it was childish, I do remember the bit of suspense as I neared the end of the petals. Which way would it be? Love me – or loves me not? This is the stuff of serving two masters.

‘God loves me – He loves me not.’ Continue reading “Living In The Middle” →

What’s The Difference?

And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not. Malachi 3:18

God tells His people that when they are in heaven, they will ‘again’ see the distinction between righteous and the wicked. “Far be it from me”, God says way back in Genesis, “that I should treat the righteous and unrighteous alike.” We expect to see such distinctions when God judges the peoples of the earth and separates believers from unbelievers. But, can we tell a difference today?

After all, everyone lives with the effects of the fall. We suffer unjustly at the hands of ungodly men and women. We are all vulnerable to COVID. The many hurricanes which have plagued our southern states have devastated Christians and non-Christians alike. Yet, God says that we can tell the difference how we handle adversity.

  • A child of God experiences peace in dark times. The unbeliever flounders without a compass.
  • A child of God exerts his authority over the dark forces at work. The unbeliever is captive to them.
  • A child of God is able to hear the voice of His Father, the voice that comforts him. The unbeliever is desperate for consolation.
  • A child of God has his eyes set on home. The unbeliever lives with a nagging fear of death.
  • A child of God knows the power of prayer to affect his life. The unbeliever is limited by his own problem solving skills.
  • A child of God looks for the supernatural redemption of his pain. The unbeliever finds pain senseless.

Which one are you? Oh, if you don’t yet know the a luxury of being a child of God, I pray that, even now, God is setting your heart, mind, and will free to hear the Spirit of God calling you to faith so that you, too, may find your home in Christ.

Thank You for taking up residence in me. There begins the distinction. Oh, how great is Your love. Amen