Author: Christine Wyrtzen

I’M NUMB.  I CAN’T EVEN CRY!

So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, along with the child, and sent her away. And she departed and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.  Genesis 21:14

         What was it like when you got the worst news of your life?  Someone did or said something and you felt your stomach fall to the floor.  “This can’t be happening to me,” you said to yourself.  “I have to be dreaming and any minute, I’ll wake up.” 

         Hagar, homeless?  Her life with Abraham gave her security.  Surely someone who loves and serves God wouldn’t be sending she and her son out to the wilderness to die!  Family doesn’t act like that!

         What feeds unbelief is that what has always seemed impossible has just fallen upon me.

• I’ve got a thriving ministry or business but now a family member is chronically ill.  My life, as I knew it, has ceased.
• I’m comfortable and happy in a marriage that has spanned decades.  One day, my husband leaves and I find a note on the counter.
• My child is late getting up one morning and I find him dead in his room.  He committed suicide.

         I’ve been the recipient of earth shattering news, several times.  I was numb for weeks before the tears set in. Did Hagar weep as she left Abraham’s camp or was she also numb, walking but not feeling her feet?

         The very time I need God is the time I can turn away from Him.  My theology takes a bad turn.  I conclude He’s on vacation; doesn’t see, doesn’t care, and has turned into someone who breaks His promises.  If I could gently take you by the shoulders today and look into your eyes, I would tell you this.  “This is a grand opportunity for faith, a time pregnant for the power of God to be on display.  Put up your shield of faith despite how things appear.”

There is no end to my life’s story unless You declare it over.  As long as I breathe, You have a plan for me; one that offers a future and a hope. I’m looking up instead of down.  Amen

CAN SOMEONE ELSE RUIN MY LIFE?

So she [Sarah] said to Abraham, “Cast out this slave woman with her son, for the son of this slave woman shall not be heir with my son Isaac.” And the thing was very displeasing to Abraham on account of his son. But God said to Abraham, “Be not displeased because of the boy and because of your slave woman. Whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for through Isaac shall your offspring be named.  And I will make a nation of the son of the slave woman also, because he is your offspring.”  Genesis 21:10-13

         There are so many things that happen to me that tempt me to believe that my future is ruined.  Betrayal, whether it be family or friend, can render me penniless and it would appear that I’ll never gain my financial footing again. Can a disowned son or daughter have a golden future?  Does financial ruin write the end of my story?

         And how about this?  Does the demonic and emotional residue of abuse break me half?  Do I believe I’ll never stand up straight again?  The over-arching question is this, “Can God triumph over the cruelty of others?”

         If there were victims in the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar, it would be Hagar and her beautiful son.  As a slave, she took orders from her master’s wife to sleep with Abraham.  Getting pregnant wasn’t her fault.  It wasn’t her ambition for Abraham to father her child.  She was wronged; no doubt about it, and her child bore the stigma of all children born outside of wedlock.

         Ishmael watched the celebration of Isaac’s birth.  He felt the favor of God on his half brother and felt his father’s joy over the promised child.  Bitterness set in. When Isaac was weaned and a party was thrown in his honor, Ishmael mocked and laughed.  In a swift overreaction, Sarah commanded Abraham to throw Hagar and Ishmael out of the house.  Oh, the cruelty!  If Sarah hadn’t instigated the plan of infidelity in the first place, she would have no ill feelings on this day toward Hagar.  There would be no Ishmael to remind her of her fatal mistake.  Instead of bearing up well under the consequences, she threw family out of her camp.

         Does God triumph over cruelty, over rejection, over injustice?  Oh yes.  Though it appeared to be the end for Hagar and her son, God saw her plight and pledged His blessing.  They would not starve and die in obscurity.  God would bless them in spite of the wrong done against them.

How many times have I thought, ‘This is the end!’  But You’ve turned all ends into beginnings.  Oh, how mighty You are.  Amen

IT’S ALL SO FRAGILE

I hold my life in my hands continually, but I do not forget your law.  Psalm 119:109

    What makes you faint today?  Physical danger, serious illness, a bitter confrontation, treachery?  David understands.  For many years of his life, he faced things that make grown men fall to their knees.  Hunted down by friends, even family, he faced death daily.  Rejected by his closest companions, he experienced betrayal at their hands.  He knew what it was like to hold the essence of his life in his hands and see how fragile it was.  In spite of that, in spite of the high alert and consistent adrenalin rush, he made much room for God’s law.  He pushed other matters to the side so that internal space was reserved for what gave him the courage to live.  God and the words God speaks.  Continue reading “It’s All So Fragile” →

WHEN TWO PARTS OF MY LIFE COLLIDE

And the child grew and was weaned. And Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned. But Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, laughing. 

Genesis 21:8-9  ESV

         Sarah laughed for joy when Isaac was born.  But Ishmael laughed in scorn when Isaac was weaned.  A great party was thrown in Isaac’s honor and the scoffing of the elder son dampened the celebration.

         If only Sarah could have done things differently years before. When God’s promise of conception didn’t occur for next 25 years, she concocted her own solution.  She told Abraham to sleep with Hagar in order to produce a son.  Oh, how that haunted her on this day as Ishmael, a son whom she also loved but conceived out of God’s will, mocked her Isaac.  Paul described the dynamics well. But just as at that time he who was born according to the flesh persecuted him who was born according to the Spirit, so also it is now. Gal. 4:29 ESV

         I can be sure that whatever I make happen in the flesh will collide with what God is doing through my spirit.  Dead works and Spirit-breathed endeavors strain against each other. One is of God.  One is not.  Children even perceive the difference.  Cruel things are said on the playgrounds as Christian children are despised and taunted.

         Where is there holy conflict today?  Perhaps your church is a mixed bag.  There are righteous pockets of activity, places where God’s Spirit is breathing abundant life into those who are spiritually hungry.  This, unfortunately, co-exists alongside fleshly ministries that are birthed through ambition instead of prayer.  Enthusiasm is mistaken for holy fervor.  Know this ~ that whatever is of the flesh and what is of the Spirit will create sparks.  There will be a kingdom clash that no amount of mediation will be able to fix.  What is the remedy?  Things of the flesh need to be exposed and repented of at the altar.  Dead works are for the fire.  Cold hearts need the fires of revival.  Oh, that our churches would cease being divided kingdoms.

Show me where Your Spirit is working and where holy activity is simply being mimicked. If I can do something about it, give me the courage to step up to the plate.  May Your kingdom come to the messes of my own making.  Amen

Journal Question:  What are you trying to unify that needs to separate?  Ask God for the wisdom to do what needs to be done.

WHEN PROMISES TAKE A LONG TIME

The Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did to Sarah as he had promised. And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the time of which God had spoken to him. Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him, whom Sarah bore him, Isaac.  Genesis 21:1-3

         I look at Abraham and Sarah’s life in retrospect and it’s plain to see that God fulfilled every single promise.  He did it in ‘His appointed time’, not theirs.  From their perspective, He took a long time.  As they waited, they doubted, blamed, and took matters into their own hands.  It’s hard when promises take a long time to materialize.

         When others look at my life in retrospect, they will also see that God was true to every promise He made.  It is only I, in the midst of waiting, who struggles.  Because some promises don’t come true when I think they should, I am tempted to distrust the One who made them.  But I cannot live my life as an island.  I must place my story into the whole context of scripture, the mega-story, to learn about the nature of the Promise-Giver.  If He has never, ever, broken His Word, would He really start with me?

         From the time God first promised the birth of Isaac to the time Sarah became pregnant was 25 years.  I can groan at the thought of such waiting.  Yet, that’s nothing.  The ‘appointed time’ for the birth of Abraham’s greater offspring would occur 2,000 years later – in the birth of Christ.  God is never in a hurry and never feels pressured to make things happen because I’m unhappy.

         I sometimes judge my life and my effectiveness by worldly standards.  The prime of life, supposedly, occurs in one’s thirties.  By the time I’m fifty, others believe I’ve lived my dreams and am working toward retirement.  It’s hogwash.  God didn’t even make His promise about Isaac until Abraham was 75.  Some of the most effective trailblazers for the kingdom didn’t even warm up until their later years.  When God promises fruitfulness, we can’t feel pressured by age, education, ability, or human weakness.  When God calls a man or woman, they are equipped.  Period.  His promises will be fulfilled ‘at the appointed time’ and that is right on time.  In this I rest – as I wait.

You know what I still pray for ~ and in what promises I stand.  I adjust my clock to Your calendar.  Amen

Journal Question:  What promise has God made to you that you’re still waiting to see fulfilled?  What is your posture?  If it’s anything but hopeful expectation, talk to your Father about it.

WHEN GOD WITHHOLDS

In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this.” Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know that you have done this in the integrity of your heart, and it was I who kept you from sinning against me. Therefore I did not let you touch her. Genesis 20:5-6 ESV

Does God ever see me when I’m about to sin and do something to prevent it? Apparently yes. And as a parent, I understand as I remember the times I removed a temptation from a child because I knew it was too much for him to handle.

In order to save the lives of his family, Abraham turned over his wife to a pagan king. He did it to ‘help God’ as he believed that he must take matters into his own hands to preserve the promises God had made regarding his descendants. Abimelech was the innocent party, as he had no idea Sarah was married. As part of his harem, he would have slept with her but God intervened to reveal that Sarah was Abraham’s wife, not his sister. Fear gripped his heart and he acted honorably toward Sarah for fear of the consequences.

I’m so glad that many of the things I have wanted, and asked for, God didn’t give me. I’m chilled as I think about it.  God removed things, and people, that would have harmed me on my spiritual journey. He also removed them because I couldn’t handle the temptations their presence brought me. It felt cruel years ago but time has revealed that God prevented dangerous detours in my spiritual journey. He kept me safe and often that meant saving me from myself. My spiritual immaturity would have acted out. My wounds, then unhealed, would have been too influential in the process of righteous choice-making.

You may be experiencing the pain of loss. God seems cruel as He takes away what you believe you need. It can be a person, resources, or an opportunity that holds promise. His direct involvement to block your way is a stumbling block in your relationship with Him. How can you desire intimacy with Someone who is wounding you?

When I move beyond Bible doctrine and Christian education, the essence of Christianity is pretty simple and extremely childlike. Jesus loves me – and I trust Him no matter what because He already proved how much He loves me. Period. What is the answer when God appears guilty of withholding from me what is good? I remember that my view is limited so I choose to trust Him. The most brilliant rationales by men fall apart when measured against the goodness that drives the decisions of an omniscient and sovereign God.

However things appear today, You love me and always act in my best interest. When I distrust this, Lord, I put my heart in danger. Help my unbelief. Amen

 

GOD IS NOT PASSIVE IN MY MISTAKES

From there Abraham journeyed toward the territory of the Negeb sojourned in Gerar. And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, “She is my sister.” And Abimelech sent and took Sarah. But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, “Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man’s wife.”  Genesis 20:1-3

            Twenty years has passed since Abraham journeyed into Egypt, feared for his life in the presence of a Pharaoh and passed off Sarah as his sister.  Pharaoh took Sarah as his own and God intervened to clean up the mess.  Now, Abraham is doing the same thing again.  Really?   He would do this twice?

            But, it’s been twenty years after all.  It’s not like these events are weeks apart and the lesson of disobedience is still fresh.  After two decades, Abraham is having another crisis of faith and falls in a similar way.  Imagine that!  I am not going to throw stones at him as I review the ways I struggle with my faith and end up distrusting God.  There are always patterns in my disobedience too.  If my life were captured in the storyline of scripture for all to see, it would be even more humbling than it is.

            So on the eve of Isaac’s conception, Abraham’s choice to give up his wife to yet another king puts the entire Abrahamic line in jeopardy.  God is not passive as He watches this.  He is a Father who springs into action when His children mess things up.  His inexhaustible mercy causes Him to preserve the promises He made in covenant love.  For Abraham however, there was a silent period.  His tent was empty.  Sarah was gone.  He had nothing but time and quiet to reflect on His disobedient choices.  He could not perceive all that God was doing to rescue him.  Sarah’s absence screamed hopelessness.

            Are you in some crisis today?  Does it appear as if it’s the end?  You are also suffering in silence, unaware that God is doing anything on your behalf.  “Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Phil.1:6  God was active in Abraham’s storyline and you can be comforted that He works behind the scenes in your story too.  Even when you and I mess things up, He makes a way for our return.  He never lacks the ingenuity to know how to get our lives back on track even though we’re sure we’ve done irreparable damage.  Oh, how powerful repentance is as it unlocks the power of heaven.  God will step in to minimize the damage and correct our unfortunate detour.

I’m counting on Your active participation in my story today.  Have mercy on me as I wait to see evidence of Your saving hand.  Amen

THE POWER OF DESPERATION

So they made their father [Lot] drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab. He is the father of the Moabites to this day. The younger also bore a son and called his name Ben-ammi. He is the father of the Ammonites to this day.  Genesis 19:35-38  ESV

         Put yourself in the story of Lot’s daughters.  You’ve been displaced from your home.  Your husbands are dead.  Your mother is dead.  All that is left is the two of you and your father is old.  He is not likely to re-marry and your entire future depends on having children who will care for you and carry on your family name.  What will you do?

         These two women were not inclined to throw all their hopes on God.  Their father hadn’t done that either.  They took matters into their own hands, got their father drunk, and each slept with him in order to conceive.

         They gave birth to the father of the Moabites and the father of the Ammonites.  Both peoples would be cruel to Abraham’s descendants.  Both peoples would worship famous idols; Baal and Peor.  Children would be sacrificed at their altars.  Yet, these two young women would never see into the future to understand the power of their choices.  For them, it was immediate relief from a seemingly impossible situation.  From their limited viewpoint, their plan had been successful.

         And this is the problem when I take matters into my own hands.  I cannot see down the road.  My own ingenuity can appear to have worked.  What I need comes to me as result of my actions and I can even thank God for it.  What I don’t know is the long-term effect.  I remember three things today.

1. Desperation should never replace actively hoping in God.
2. Desperation is never a valid excuse for doing my own thing.
3. My judgment is always impaired when I am desperate and this is the time to press in to God’s heart for wisdom.

The only answer to every problem I have is You, Lord.  Don’t let me cave early to anyone else’s suggestions, including my own.  Amen

WHEN I KEEP LOOKING BEHIND ME

But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.  Genesis 19:26

         Looking back upon what God told me to leave behind endangers me every time.  God calls me out to something new, by faith, and because everything familiar and tangible is behind me, I keep looking back as a sign of attachment.

         What’s behind me can even be painful, but I’ll keep rehearsing the past.  People may have hurt me and though God called me out into the freedom forgiveness offers, I am still obsessed with what happened.  So much so, that I constantly nurse my grudges.

         Lot and his family had been prosperous in Sodom.  They not only enjoyed great wealth, but prestige.  Lot’s wife (we don’t know her name) was fleeing to the mountains for her life and leaving every worldly good behind her.  Certainly a scary endeavor!  But God gives grace and courage when He calls us out and offers wings for our journey.

         She paid for this disobedience with her life.  Her act of looking behind her is not unlike the children of Israel who stayed preoccupied with Egypt.  Or, as my 8-year-old grandson put it, after hearing the story of the Israelites building the golden calf to worship, “Nana, they had the memory of Egypt in their hearts.”  A great way to capture their spiritual problem.  In spite of the fact that they had been slaves with little, when times got tough, they pined to return to their captivity.

         Three things capture my heart today.

1. When God calls me out, I will trust that it’s tailor made for me.
2. I will not trust my own senses as I’m traveling in a new direction.
3. I will remember that my security is not in what I left, but who I belong to.

No matter what’s behind me, it’s not better than what you’re leading me to.  Before it takes shape, hold me tight when it appears as if you’re leading me to a vacuum.  Amen

THE COST OF MEDIOCRITY

And as they brought them out, one said, “Escape for your life. Do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley. Escape to the hills, lest you be swept away.”  Then the Lord rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the Lord out of heaven. And he overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.  Genesis 19:17,24,26

         Lot’s wife lived by example.  She didn’t take God all that seriously.  She believed Him enough to know that she should flee the city but not enough to believe the consequences of looking back.  Is Lot responsible for that?

         Not everything a wife does is her husband’s fault nor vice versa.  We are each responsible for our own choices.  However, the leadership each of us see modeled in those around us do affect us.  Parents who mock God will usually raise children who do the same.  Husbands who live a life of mediocrity will probably see their family live lukewarm toward God.

         Lot had faith, but for the most part it was second-hand faith.  He had tagged along with Abraham, seen that God was real, yet only followed God when it was convenient for him and his family.  His last major choice had been to choose the land of Sodom for his home.  He conformed to fit in a godless society, so much so that he became popular enough to rise to the status of mayor.  What do these kinds of choices communicate to Lot’s family?  “Don’t take God too seriously!”

         As the entire family fled Sodom, no doubt they heard the roaring fire behind them.  They felt the heat on their backs.  They could see the glow of the flames out of their peripheral vision.  The temptation to look back was strong.  Talk about a show!  Because she’d never seen her husband pay a steep price for mediocrity, her decision to turn around was pretty easy.  It cost her everything.

         If God has called me into the ministry but I choose to stay and work in a family business instead, will I be struck dead?  Not likely.  It will appear that I’ve gotten away with disobedience.  But there will be unwelcome fruit in other places and that always begins with my family.  Their eyes are always watching.

Am I flirting with what You abhor?  It’s hard to even ask the question.  Show me.  Amen