I’M NUMB. I CAN’T EVEN CRY!
So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, along with the child, and sent her away. And she departed and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. Genesis 21:14
What was it like when you got the worst news of your life? Someone did or said something and you felt your stomach fall to the floor. “This can’t be happening to me,” you said to yourself. “I have to be dreaming and any minute, I’ll wake up.”
Hagar, homeless? Her life with Abraham gave her security. Surely someone who loves and serves God wouldn’t be sending she and her son out to the wilderness to die! Family doesn’t act like that!
What feeds unbelief is that what has always seemed impossible has just fallen upon me.
- I’ve got a thriving ministry or business but now a family member is chronically ill. My life, as I knew it, has ceased.
- I’m comfortable and happy in a marriage that has spanned decades. One day, my husband leaves and I find a note on the counter.
- My child is late getting up one morning and I find him dead in his room. He committed suicide.
I’ve been the recipient of earth shattering news, several times. I was numb for weeks before the tears set in. Did Hagar weep as she left Abraham’s camp or was she also numb, walking but not feeling her feet?
The very time I need God is the time I can turn away from Him. My theology takes a bad turn. I conclude He’s on vacation; doesn’t see, doesn’t care, and has turned into someone who breaks His promises. If I could gently take you by the shoulders today and look into your eyes, I would tell you this. “This is a grand opportunity for faith, a time pregnant for the power of God to be on display. Put up your shield of faith despite how things appear.”
There is no end to my life’s story unless You declare it over. As long as I breathe, You have a plan for me; one that offers a future and a hope. I’m looking up instead of down. Amen