Author: Christine Wyrtzen

If I’m a spiritual orphan, I have no roadmap for knowing how to function in a relationship.  How could it be otherwise?  An orphan’s early life was void of relationships so knowing how to relate to others, even superficially, is absent.  

Here are some questions you’ve probably asked yourself.  I’d love to be close to someone but how do I know when ‘close’ is ‘too close’?  When is it okay to need a friend, spouse, or child, and when is my need out of balance?  Can others sense my deep emptiness and if so, do they avoid me? 

I’ve been a spiritual orphan and, after redemption, I’ve mentored a few spiritual orphans.  I had one of them ask me, “Am I toxic to you?”  And later, this.  “When you see me coming, do you sigh in weariness?”  The questions are surely ones that make one squirm but they were asked in desperation.  Fear of abandonment was driving them.  

Before I can relate to anyone deeply in a healthy way, I have to know how to relate to my Heavenly Father.  He is the instructor of the heart.  He is Wisdom.  His guidance is specific and He invites me to come home to Him.  He offers to be my Father in whatever ways I need Him.  The good news is ~ I can not need too much. He’s always glad to see me coming.  The more I need Him, the more He likes it and blesses me.  As I spend time with Him in study, prayer, and meditation…my needs will be re-defined.  Over time, I will feel the desperate need in my heart for others tempered.  God does spiritual surgery on me even when I sleep.  

In the safety of my relationship with Him, I learn how to be intimate.  I learn to look to Him first for what only He can give.  I learn to sense His nudging when I’m around others.  He may cause me to think twice before saying something inappropriate.  He also may prompt me to ask for help when I really need it.  On this frightening journey of connecting to others, He is my guide.  I will learn ~ sometimes people come through for you.  And just as often, they don’t.  And when they don’t, my Father waits for me to come home to heal.  His frustration with others’ choices is evident and if the offense is bad enough, I sense a measure of righteous anger in His heart.  I learn that He is ‘for me’ and not ‘against me.’  And He longs to heal me when humans are flawed if I will just live with Him in His presence.  Why did I wait so long to go home?  Why did I run from the very One I needed all along?  Those are the questions!

Who is like my God?  No one.  He said in Isaiah 46.  Listen to me, I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.  I will be Yours throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Intimacy.  Lord, You know I craved it like water.  I found it, first, in You. Amen

Have you ever faced an event for which you were unprepared?  Each of us have taken a pop quiz in school without the benefit of preparation. Some children, though, are raised in homes where there is little or no instruction for life.  They never know what’s coming and what the experience will be like; whether it’s the first day of school, a trip to the doctor or dentist, or getting their tonsils taken out unexpectedly.  The result of living without instruction is that they are perpetually unprepared.  Anxiety is their bedfellow.  It appears that most every person around them lives carefree in comparison to themselves.  Others seem to know what to do next while they are frantically trying to figure it out.  There is no confidence from parental involvement.

While my parents were wonderful to provide for our physical needs, emotional needs were ignored.  Not intentionally.  They weren’t cruel people but neither of them were able to give my sister and myself what they never received.  That’s the truth behind the behavior of every person.  Without Jesus, we can not give away what we have not first experienced ourselves.  In our house, we were never taught how to live life.  Not knowing how to navigate events was hard enough but even more dangerous was the absence of teaching about understanding people.  How do you handle a bully?  How do you handle a conflict?  How do you handle the loss of a grandparent?  How do you handle money?  How do you handle the minefields of adolescence?  All of these common life experiences had to be dealt with the best way a child knew how.

God is not an absentee parent.  He doesn’t adopt me into His family, hand me the Scriptures, and then tell me to do the best I can.  He is as engaged as I need Him to be.  King David, all through the Psalms, praises God for His instruction.  The Hebrew concept for ‘giving instruction’ is what happens when you shoot an arrow at a target.  The arrow is aimed with a target in mind and it  penetrates the very spot for which it was intended.  God is a Father who brings targeted instruction in the very area I ask for it.  In prayer and meditation, He is specific.  “Go here, not there.  Do this, not that.”  I never need to figure out anything on my own.  His intimate involvement in my life heals all former abandonments.  His Word comes like a strategic arrow.

Every child at one time or another has thought of packing his bags and leaving home.  What would happen?  He’ll end up on the streets with a small backpack and the stuff of life will require him to cope the best way he can.  This orphan-like existence is not to characterize any child of the King.  Listen to this testimony from Psalm 119.  Oh, how I love all you’ve revealed; I reverently ponder it all the day long. Your commands give me an edge on my enemies; they never become obsolete. I’ve even become smarter than my teachers since I’ve pondered and absorbed your counsel. I’ve become wiser than the wise old sages simply by doing what you tell me.  If you are one who has lived without instruction, live in scriptures like this one and be sure to engage the 2nd birth agent….the Holy Spirit.  Ask the Spirit to breathe over you so that you become fully assured that He has Your back and is taking care of you if you ask for guidance.

I’m on the road of life, with You, and You’ve got me by the hand.  Amen

Confidence, a healthy confidence, is a wonderful thing.  Well loved children from stable homes usually have it unless someone on the outside has corrupted it with bullying and/or public humiliation.  There are precious few who are not afraid to answer questions in a class.  The rest think twice before raising their hand.  Introverts really struggle with it but so do many extroverts.  Why?  Because of the risk of embarrassment and humiliation.

What was your most humiliating incident?  You probably don’t have to think too hard.  The memory of it is always readily there to replay.  The enemy makes sure of that.  For me, it was a moment in the recording studio.  For one project, I had a coveted producer in Christian circles.  I was excited when he asked to be involved in one of my later albums.  He was exceptionally gifted and the good news is that when you pleased him with a performance, you felt the light of his favor.  When he wasn’t happy, you felt like a worthless musician.  On one particular day in the studio, I had sung a verse to a song over 50 times.  He had asked for a certain interpretation that I just wasn’t feeling.  Finally, exasperated, he pushed the intercom button and said for all to hear.  “She’s never going to get it.  I give up.  Let’s go have lunch!”  I’m not sure he was ever really happy with the song, or with me.  Every time I hear that CD and the song comes up, the memory is vivid. 

Confident adults have a firm sense of who they are.  They were probably defined well by the people who raised them; their heart was affirmed, their personality accepted, their gifts discussed and defined.  But without such a home, in a family where conversation and engagement were absent, identity is one huge void waiting to be shaped by anyone powerful.    Humiliation feels like it’s a threat on every corner. 

One of the scriptures God used mightily to call me out of hiding was this one from the Psalms.  

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.Psalm 18:19   Shy. Retreating. Slow to speak. Finding safety in mainstream thinking. Afraid of creativity.  Condemning self-talk.  These were the places from which Jesus called me one day in prayer.  I saw Him extend His hand down into the pit to give me a hand as I climbed out.  The invitation was clear.  “Come out and live with Me in spacious places.  No barriers.  No fear.  All thoughts and ideas are welcome.  No humiliation in My kingdom.”  Before I could feel safe with people, I had to learn to feel safe with Jesus.  Words became plentiful.  Creativity was born.  How well I remember the day I left the cave of wordlessness.

If you are one who fears embarrassment, start researching scriptures like Psalm 18:19.  Live in them and be sure to engage the 2nd birth agent….the Holy Spirit.  Ask the Spirit to breathe over you so that His invitation to spacious places can penetrate your heart.

For every daughter in the shadows, let her hear Your call to step into the light.  Amen

Orphan Profile #1 

I LOOK INSIDE OTHER PEOPLE’S WINDOWS AND WISH MY LIFE WERE DIFFERENT

Unhappy with our lives, we will peek into the windows of other’s lives and wish we could be part of their family.  We do it as children and unless we make our home Jesus, we will do it until we die.  That hole of never belonging will drive us toward those who appear to have what we need.

Though the adults in my life as a child were wonderful people, they didn’t really engage children.  I rarely remember anyone having a conversation with me.  I was lonely and wondered what it would be like to feel valued.  Did grownups really ask children why they were crying?  Did they want to know what they were thinking and what they dreamt of becoming?  This wasn’t the world I knew.

When I was seven, Robin, a friend from church, invited me to her grandmother’s house on a  Saturday afternoon.  My friend was turning 8 and her grandma was going to throw a doll’s tea party for her.  She invited only me and told me to bring my favorite doll.  My mother drove me there and walked me to the front door.  When it opened, her grandma (a spirited woman named Birdie) burst with excitement and greeted me.  She knelt down to my eye level and said, “Well, Christine…how are you today?  I’m so glad you came to my house on this beautiful afternoon.” Just for a moment, I wondered what it would be like to be a part of her family.  The thrill of being engaged like that stayed with me.  I will never forget how it felt and can easily tear up just telling you the story.

Throughout my teen years and into my early adult years, I was prone to envision becoming a part of other’s families.  I can name three without thinking too long.  I had to work overtime not to appear needy and I was probably aloof to overcompensate.  The ache went with me into my 40’s.

As you read this, perhaps you identify with my story.  You know what it’s like to go on vacation and see other mothers, or fathers, playing with their children and finding joy in their company.  There are so many present day reminders that trigger the longing from the past.  Are you relegated to live in want and neglect?  You probably give your children what you still crave for yourself.

Remember, you got a new Father at your 2nd birth.  He will move over you to begin to fill the empty void your early family created.  You are not meant to know perpetual emptiness.  How?  Here’s the homework.  For every orphan profile that describes you, and it may be 10 out of 10 or 1 out of 10, make healing from that your spiritual journey for the next year.  If you are looking in other’s windows, start researching scriptures that talk about God wooing, God accepting, God making you His and creating a place to belong.  Live in these scriptures and be sure to engage the 2nd birth agent….the Holy Spirit.  As you read the verses and meditate on them, ask the Spirit to breathe over you so that His Words can penetrate your heart.  Ask Him to write those scriptures on the doorposts of your new foundation.  Seek Him and He will be found!

  Lord, You said ~ “Though my mother and father forsake me, You would receive me.”   Ps. 27:10  We are often barely moved  by this unless Your Spirit hovers over us to create a place in our hearts where Your Word can permanently rest.  Make a way for us to know and feel that we, individually, belong to You.   Amen

I will not leave you as orphans.  I will come to you.  John 14:18

I’ve often wondered if these words, spoken by Jesus to His disciples, confused them.  He was their Lord.  They were His friends so why refer to them as orphans?  The older I get, I don’t believe they were confused.  They had learned to depend on Him for everything.  He calmed the storms at sea.  He made food materialize out of nothing.  He rebuked the demonic and gave the dark spiritual world orders and parameters.  The thought of life without Him must have stirred up a panic inside their group.  What would they do now?  Who were they without Jesus?  How would they care for themselves without the spiritual power to do the miraculous when necessary?  They did not know, until this promise, that He would come to them in another form and put that same kingdom power within them. 

They battled orphan-like feelings just like we do when we feel like Jesus isn’t there to take care of us, whenever we feel like He’s distant.  Let’s jump into some definitions.

An Orphan ~ A child whose parents are dead and who is without care protection.  

An Orphanage ~ A residential place where orphans live.  They may have house parents in the facility but no child calls them Mommy and Daddy, because they’re not their real parents.   

A Spiritual Orphan ~ Someone who feels alone, trying to get their needs met the best way they can, not knowing how to receive the love and care of their Heavenly Father.  

The Spiritual Orphanage ~ Earth.  Spiritual orphans live dependent on the people of earth and the things earth offers. 

As you read the definition of a spiritual orphan and how that person forages off the land, does that describe your life?  Is there someone whose love you crave, whose love you are convinced you can’t live without?  Do you have a parent who, as of yet, has not expressed that they love you and are proud of you?  Perhaps the amount of their praise is stingy compared to how they relate to your other siblings.  I know many adults who are visiting assisted living facilities, daily,  trying to do whatever they have to do to get their parents to say they love them.  Listen, human beings are broken cisterns which hold no water.  By looking to the people of Earth, we relegate ourselves to an orphan’s plight which never ends well. 

Monday, I will begin with the first of ten orphan profiles.  Would you ask God to prepare your heart this weekend?  Without His Holy Spirit, we will not see ourselves.  We won’t recognize our great need.  We will be the orphan who is defensive and refuses to acknowledge he wants life any differently.  May it not be!  Perfect love and care is yours, in God, and within reach.  Your Father is asking you to put your arms down and stop fighting.  Begin now in prayer.

  For all the scriptures I’ve known but felt little, I’m asking Your Holy Spirit to prepare to write them on my heart.  Blow over my barren landscape.  Amen

“Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.”   John 3:5

I am born again into the kingdom of God by two agents; water ~ which is the Word of God and the Spirit ~ who opens my eyes to the Word so that I can understand it.  Preaching of the Word is not sufficient for a new birth.  It must be accompanied by the breath of the Spirit who moves over a darkened mind.

These two change agents are what is necessary for my eyes to be opened to my need for a Savior.  If I only read the Word, it is a strange language which seems to have no value.  Think about your favorite scripture; the one you’ve cherished for years, the one you’ve typed out, written on a card to a friend, highlighted and dated in your Bible, and perhaps even taped to your bathroom mirror.  You could write out that same verse for ten unbelievers and it would mean nothing.  They would be puzzled by how life-giving it is to you.  That’s because the wind of the Holy Spirit hasn’t opened their eyes.

There have been so many places in my heart that needed change.  There have been lies about God that held me hostage.  There have been areas where despair ruled and faith was absent.  I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have victory.  I memorized many verses in an attempt to bring the change I was seeking but the truth of them didn’t impact me.  I was confused but was too embarrassed to admit it.  How do you tell someone that the scriptures aren’t working for you!  My disappointment in my faith festered in secret.  If only I’d understood what Jesus was telling Nicodemus.  It is the scriptures plus the wind of the Spirit that brings new life.

This devotional is pivotal to everything that follows.  As I write about the ten profile characteristics of a spiritual orphan, I come up against one stronghold after another.  It will easily be overwhelming without the assurance that the spiritual power of the Word, and the Spirit, combine to offer deliverance and a change to a way of life that has defined me for the breadth of my lifetime.  I can not only know the truth but feel the truth.

The wind of the Spirit is already at work in your heart. Can you sense it?  He’s been stirring up need and preparing the soil for the reception of the Word to come.  When something clicks in the coming weeks, when you have an ‘a-ha’ moment, remember that the Holy Spirit is giving you understanding of the scriptures.  The Word will become precious to you and the Spirit will write a new message on the pillars on your life’s foundation.

  For all the scriptures I’ve known but felt little, I’m asking Your Holy Spirit to prepare to write them on my heart.  Blow over my barren landscape.  Amen

That which is born of the flesh is flesh.  That which is born of the Spirit is spirit.  John 3:6

Birth is preceded by conception.  Whether physical birth or spiritual birth, there are parents involved.  So what did Jesus mean when He talked about flesh and spirit with respect to the new birth?

To be born physically, the union of a man and a woman are necessary.  Coming from them, I resemble them.  I have their DNA in my bones.  I have my grandmother’s nose, my aunt’s musical ability, my father’s gentle spirit, my mother’s gift of compassion, and a combination of their gestures and facial movements.  That’s why Jesus said, ‘That which is born of the flesh is flesh.’

To be born spiritually, there is also a birth by a parent.  A new Father calls me His child.  He touches my dead spirit and brings it to life.  I’m given a new nature, His nature.  I’m given undeserved righteousness, His righteousness. Begotten of God, I become like the One who gave me a spiritual birth.  That’s why Jesus said, ‘That which is born of the Spirit is spirit.’

But, am I more like my earthly parents or my Heavenly Father?”  If I’ve been born again, my second birth is to trump the first.  The second birth is to re-define my whole identity.  It is meant to re-shape whatever has been disfigured by formation inside a human family.  My perfect Father intends to re-parent me.  He’s eager to fix what was broken and mature what was stunted.  He blesses the righteous seeds of my parents while challenging the sinful legacies. That creates friction ~ both in me, and in my family.  Yet, this is what spiritual growth involves.

I can pray the sinner’s prayer, call myself a child of God, but never engage in a Father/daughter relationship. I do not experience His endearing ways. From lack of intimacy, I don’t become like the One who gave me spiritual life.  I cling to the patterns, habits, and beliefs of my earthly family.  My history normalized their dysfunction and it feels uncomfortable to step out of line.  My family might not like it if I honor Jesus before them.  I will potentially lose favor.

Yet, this is the call.  I am to leave father and mother to follow God.  ‘The family way of doing things’ is to no longer bind me if ‘the family way’ is out of step with the kingdom.

I don’t like not fitting in.  I am uncomfortable with criticism, especially from family. Your likeness is what I seek so give me grace for whatever friction my follow.  Amen

You are a teacher of Israel and you do not know these things?  John 3:10

Nicodemus sought Jesus’ company at night for a spiritual conversation.  There has been so much speculation as to why he came under cover of darkness.  Maybe he was afraid for his physical safety to be seen with Jesus, or nighttime was his only opportunity.  Perhaps it would be detrimental to his profession as an important religious leader to keep company with someone controversial.  Whatever the reason, he was curious.  Nicodemus was a ‘ruler of the Jews’.  This was the modern day equivalent of a supreme court justice.  Imagine one of our high ranking judges going to seek legal wisdom from a blue collar laborer.  Most unusual.

Nicodemus came with a breadth of knowledge and yet he couldn’t understand the simplest of spiritual concepts.  Jesus talked of being born again but this ruler of the Jews was confused.  He scratched his head and asked Jesus how such a thing could be for someone who had already been born.  Jesus’ response is that it really was possible to be a scholar of the scriptures and yet a babe in the most important spiritual matters.  Education can be dangerous.  It gives a false sense of mastery and invites one to deny any need for spiritual enlightenment.  Whether a babe or seasoned bible professor, each of us is a beggar in want of spiritual understanding.  Each of us needs the daily help of a Teacher and Counselor.  None of us can know a passage well enough to personalize it in an attempt to understand ourselves and Jesus better.

Familiarity with the scriptures is a bad foundation for spiritual growth.  It was for Nicodemus and it is for me.  I can breeze through a passage like John chapter 3 and assume I know the synopsis.  I don’t take the time to read verses I memorized long ago to seek God’s help to grasp their meaning.  No matter the passage, no matter the familiarity, there are always new layers of truth to impact my heart.  I will not be able to discover them on my own through hours and hours of study.  Only through the inspiration of the Spirit.

Have you recently re-discovered verses and found them to be like new?  You always thought you knew what they meant but have come to realize they meant something else entirely.  I suspect that what opened your eyes was spiritual need and a calling upon God to make them real.  Seeing my need is a pre-requisite for spiritual understanding. My list for such scriptures is too lengthy to share.  At mid-life, I discovered that I knew little of who Jesus was.  I had studied Him but not lived with Him intimately.  It wasn’t until there was intimacy that the scriptures came alive.

What is the new birth?  I didn’t really start to get it until a decade ago when God began to speak to me about the difference between an ‘orphan’ and a ‘daughter’.  It is possible to be His daughter without living like one.  God is calling all orphans out of the slums.

We are Nicodemus. We come to you like sponges.  Teach us.  Amen