Turn toward me and be gracious to me, as is your way with those who love your name. Psalm 119:132
One of the most uncomfortable things an insecure woman experiences is the anticipation of walking into a room full of acquaintances and not knowing whether she will be welcomed. Will they even see her enter to receive her warmly? Or, will the group turn their backs to her and leave her to figure out how to enter their conversation? All these dynamics make a woman’s palms sweat. The fear of it may cause her to stay home altogether.
I don’t know how confident you are in Jesus’ love. Perhaps you fear that you are at the bottom of His priority list. You believe that He’d rather be with anyone but you. Would you consider this scene?
You enter a room full of high profile Christians. Jesus is there and He is moving among the people in the room, greeting some, holding meaningful conversations with a few at a time. You wonder if He even knows you arrived but as you begin to move into the crowd, you feel a pair of eyes on you. He watches you and reads your fears. He excuses Himself from those with whom He converses and turns in your direction. He walks over to you and reaches out to graciously embrace you. You feel His excitement over seeing you. He senses how important this moment is to you, how much you’ve looked forward to it and, at the same time, how much you dreaded that it might not play out as you dreamed. He speaks to you in low tones, inviting you to engage Him as intimately as you feel comfortable. He does not push but the invitation is on the table to read into the many implications of His words and actions.
David asks for grace so many times throughout this Psalm. His cries and pleas seem like worn out clichés. But not to David ~ and not to me if I have experienced the dailyness of my trials and a desperate need for God to turn graciously toward me no matter how many times I’ve entered the throneroom. The only pre-requisite is desire and a love for His name.
Today, His eyes search the crowd, watching for my first inclination of interest. When I seek Him, He turns and I hold my breath for the wonders of our engagement.
I am never lost in a crowd. Never. Your eyes are ever on me and when I am invisible to most everyone else, I am connected to You. Amen
Journal Question: Was the scene described above desirable to you? If not, figure out why. Fear, disinterest, unbelief? The joy of salvation totally depends on a healthy relationship with Jesus. Are you willing to push through the barriers of discomfort?