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Esau said, “What do you mean by all this company that I met?” Jacob answered, “To find favor in the sight of my lord.” But Esau said, “I have enough, my brother; keep what you have for yourself.”  Jacob said, “I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me. Genesis 33:8-10

The last time Jacob saw Esau, he feared his murderous rage. He threatened to kill Jacob for stealing his inheritance. However, Esau had moved on to relinquish his need for revenge. He accumulated a degree of wealth and saw prosperity as God’s favor in his life. Only a shalom with God could prompt him to say, “I have enough favor. Keep what you have, my brother.” This moved Jacob so deeply that he called Esau’s face – the face of God.

Jacob wasn’t just being dramatic. The night before this meeting, Jacob had actually seen the face of God in his encounter with the angel. Jacob named the place of their struggle, ‘Peniel’, which means, ‘I saw God’s face and lived.’  I don’t know what Jacob wrestled with God about, but considering the timing, I suspect it was over the upcoming meeting with Esau. Before he could find peace with his brother, he needed peace with God. 

So do we.  Jesus came and paid the price for you and me to have peace with God.  I need not fear any encounter with Abba.  I need not dread the silences in prayer, wondering what He might say to me.  I need not dread the face-to-face meeting after I die.  Jesus suffered the pain of my estrangement with His Father on the cross when he took my curse and removed the consequences, the very curse that separated God and me in the first place. 

One of my crippling issues of the past was this pervasive feeling that I was a disappointment to God, even on the other side of the cross.  I was certain that one day, Jesus might be happy to see me initially, but it wouldn’t take long to see his gaze fall away and his shoulders slump.  This dread I lived with was a stronghold.  The tangled web of lies that created it took a while to work through, but the battle was worth it.  After multiple decades, shalom came to my soul. 

My relationship with you has been messy, Lord. You have been faithful to lead me through my own objections and unbelief.   Your face is beyond words. Amen

And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.” Genesis 33:5

Jacob was humble as he introduced his family to Esau. Time and hardship had chipped away at some of his hardheartedness and entitlement but his recent wrestling with God brought him to his lowest point, preparing him for this moment. He had encountered God in a wrestling match and lived.  He learned that God had not come to take his life but to spare it. 

There were two defining moments in Jacob’s life.  They occurred twenty years apart.  They were both nocturnal theophanies, encounters with God at night.  The first time, God appeared to him at Bethel to give him the promises of the Covenant.  The second time, God came as an angel and initiated a wrestling match.  God touched his hip and dislocated it, causing him to emerge as a limping patriarch.  In that encounter, he was also given a new name.  Israel.  He learned that, while he had been a man bent on trickery and scheming, God still loved him and would bless him. 

When Esau and Jacob finally faced each other, Esau opened the conversation with a question.  He asked his brother about the people who had traveled with him.  The old Jacob might have answered differently. “This is my extensive family. Aren’t they impressive? I really was supposed to have our father’s blessing! Look how God has blessed me.”  But this is not how he answered.  He introduced them as ‘the gift God had graciously given him.’

People don’t usually soften with time.  Meekness isn’t something sought.  Admissions of past guilt are rare.  While Jacob’s overall character didn’t match up to that of his grandfather, Abraham, his words to the brother he had wronged were marked by humility.  Finally.  It was such a breath of fresh air, so becoming to Jacob.

Where do I need to be clothed in humility?  Show me where traces of defensiveness and entitlement still reign in my flesh.  Amen

He [Jacob] himself went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. Genesis 33:3

When I’ve wronged someone, my feelings can be complicated. I can be upset over the wrong thing. Am I upset about what I did, or am I upset because the other person is angry?  I may also be upset because the consequences seem out of line with the offense.

It was a miracle that Jacob bowed down to Esau after all that had transpired between them. They had never been close, not even as children. Yet, Jacob treated Esau as one treats a royal in Near Eastern culture. In court protocol, one bowed seven times, referred to himself as a servant, called the royal ‘lord’, and brought gifts of homage. Jacob did every single one of these things.

When I’ve hurt someone, it’s easy to be more upset about their response than what I did. Not knowing what to do with their anger, I am tempted to hide. Jacob didn’t have the luxury. God told him to return to Canaan and to obey, he would have to pass right through Esau’s territory. There would be no escaping the reunion. When Jacob finally saw Esau, he didn’t defend himself in any way nor did he blame Esau for the seething anger he must have felt through the years. 

When God is the One I’ve offended, it can be complicated too. Instead of remorse, I can be angry that God is displeased. I can condemn His law and call Him unreasonable. I can believe He’s making a mountain out of a molehill.  But who am I to judge the One who is righteous?  Do I dare even think, “What’s the big deal?”  It would do me well to remember court protocol when I’ve sinned. I should come before the throne and bow low, calling Him, “Lord”, and referring to myself as His servant.

If God seems distant because of our sins, what are we really upset about today? It would be good to isolate the reason because anything other than remorse puts our relationship with Him in cobwebs. Satan is always nearby, too, to weave the strands.  He throws a party when there is estrangement.  What a great breeding ground for further progression of anger and mistrust.

Holy Spirit, help us in this complicated journey of reconciliation. Amen

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. Genesis 32:24

Jacob was about to meet Esau. He thought Esau would surely kill him.  He was alone the night before the confrontation and begged God for his life.  He reminded Him of his covenant blessings but wasn’t sure what God would do.  Of all nights, this was a night he needed sleep. Yet God came to him in the form of a man and wrestled with him all night until he was absolutely spent. He emerged from the fight just exhausted from the hand-to-hand wrestling match.

Though I have never wrestled with God in the flesh, I have known the deep weariness that comes from no sleep. It usually occurred the night before a spiritually significant event. I was anticipating a night of good sleep yet, in spite of all the preparation, I slept fitfully. I felt like I wrestled in prayer, that there was a battle being waged over me. I woke up exhausted and depleted.

Nights of angst are so unpleasant.  I do know this, however. God has drawn near to me when I’ve been drained and when the stakes were high.  Emptied of all self-effort, I did not strive with His Spirit at a time when what I said and did really mattered.

Perhaps you are facing one of the most important days of your life. Could be a court date, an interview for a new job, or a doctor’s appointment to strategize on future care. You haven’t slept well. You feel like you’ve been up all night and you can’t imagine how you will get through your day. Maybe you’re frustrated with God for your weakened condition.

Don’t back up from him. This is the time to run home.

Don’t battle with Him. You are too spent for that.

And perhaps that is the point. God longs for you to know that He is your strength and never is that more true than when you have none of your own.

You are large in our view when we are small. Do not let us despise frailty. Forgive us, Lord, for when we stand in the way of what You want to do through our weakness. Amen

Jacob instructed the first servant, “When Esau my brother meets you and asks you, ‘To whom do you belong? Where are you going? And whose are these ahead of you?’ then you shall say, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob. They are a present sent to my lord Esau. For Jacob thought, “I may appease him with the present that goes ahead of me, and afterward I shall see his face. Perhaps he will accept me.” Genesis 32:17-20

Have you ever wronged someone and then felt so guilty you couldn’t face them? You steered clear of them for a good long while.  Or perhaps you went in another direction and decided to sell your soul to win back their love.  

At this part in the Genesis story, Jacob was about to meet Esau. He avoided him for many years after cheating him out of his inheritance, but the Lord said it was time for Jacob to go home.  To do that meant going straight through Esau’s territory.  The time for hiding was over.  Jacob was afraid for his life.  So, he conceived the best possible plan to smooth things over with his brother. He sent three groups of servants ahead of him with expensive gifts.  They were also armed with heartwarming speeches. This, Jacob hoped, would soften the future moment when the two brothers laid eyes on each other. 

While this kind of posturing sometimes works in human relationships, it does not work with God.  All for nothing, we wear ourselves out trying to win God’s favor.  We believe that He is hard to please and downright unreasonable.  We are sure that we must come with gifts and perfect behavior to put Him in a better mood. We hope that we can make Him like us again.  (And, we are also in control of the reconciliation instead of resting in God’s righteous character.)

Because of Jesus, there is no need to appease God. Christ’s own blood appeased God forme. He did all the grueling work, brought the gift of His sacrifice on ahead of me so that all I had to do was come in His name. No games. No conditions. Only grace and favor.

You grieve when I take on hard labor and live like a slave.  All You want is a sincere apology accompanied by faith in Your love and forgiveness.  Amen

And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and he is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him.” Genesis 32:6

If your brother wanted to kill you and you heard that he was on his way with 400 men, where would your mind go?  You’d probably envision something calamitous.  Jacob pictured doom as well, and he was filled with anxiety.

But wait! Not long before this, Laban had also been on the hunt for Jacob. He came at him with 400 men, but God delivered him. How short was Jacob’s memory?  Did he not think God could intervene again?

My memory can also be short when the same kind of trial visits me for the second time! Like Jacob, I experienced the thrill of God delivering me the first time around but when the threat is in front of my face again, I automatically run to despair.  Where is my faith? 

While it may be hard to voice it, I really believe that His generous spirit toward me has expired. Yes, He’ll do something wonderful once, but if I ask for it twice, He’ll be turned off.  I believe that God acts on the whims of good or bad moods.

Believing that God will write new chapters in my life requires me to stand amidst very powerful emotions. While it’s always easier to feed my fears and starve my faith, I choose differently.  I will feed my faith, knowing that fears will die.

Today, I will not doubt Your power, and even more important than that, I will not doubt Your love. Amen

And Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant. Please deliver me from the hand of Esau, for I fear him. But you said, ‘I will surely do you good, and make your offspring as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.’ ” Genesis 32:9-12

I lived many days where prayers were casual. “Bless our family today and help us love and serve you more!” I even prayed this while driving, filing papers, or eating my morning yogurt.  But I learned in my twenties that there was another kind of prayer, the kind that Jacob prayed before Esau came to meet him with 400 armed men. We often fall to our knees when we’re fighting for our lives.

The door jam in our house that borders our guest room has been gripped and wet with tears on many, many occasions. Getting up in the night to pray, I laid my head against it, held on to the frame tightly, and pleaded with God to remember His covenant with me and my family. Utter desperation has been the backdrop of these prayers.  They are respectful prayers but not necessarily polite, with attempts to say things just right.  Desperate prayers spill out of desperation, and they are often incoherent.

It is not arrogant to come humbly before God and remind Him of His promises, to take hold of the hem of His garment and plead for your life. It’s the equivalent of a child saying to his father, “But you said!”  My relationship with Him is often one where I wrestle over my Canaan.  While praying, I’m usually trying to get to the bottom of my own angst and inaccurate perceptions of His character.

God is a Covenant Maker and does not make promises begrudgingly.

You delight in Your covenant relationship with me.  I am in awe.  Amen

And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, instructing them, “Thus you shall say to my lord Esau: Genesis 32:3-4

After all these years, Jacob is about to meet Esau, the brother he cheated out of covenantal privileges. He is afraid for his life and rightly so. Afraid, he sent messengers on ahead to test the waters, to speak of him to Esau and see how he responded.

Have you ever feared meeting with a certain person? Tensions between you were high and over the years, there was little else you can think of when your soul was quiet. The strained relationship weighed heavily on you. To test the waters, you asked someone who was in good standing with them to speak of you. You asked them to reveal your present circumstances and explain how your heart had changed since they last saw you. Because you did this, you knew whether it was wise or unwise to restore the relationship.

A mediator is oftentimes needed. When judgments have been made, fairly or unfairly, softening the heart of the estranged is difficult. When God was misunderstood, He sent Jesus to show us His heart, personality, and character. Jesus softened our hearts and paid a great price to restore the breach in our relationship.

Jesus is still a mediator, not only between His Father and us, but between us and anyone else with whom we suffer a distance. When a foundation of prayer is laid, He goes ahead of us to work on a hardened heart. Nothing is too hard for our Mediator. He can give them a dream, speak to them in the night, cause them to remember a story about us that they had forgotten, or make sure they cross paths with someone who can speak about us in a way that makes them softer.

What can I pray if I am estranged from my brother, sister, parent, or friend? “Lord, would you give them your eyes for me? Would you bind their thinking to yours? Would you loosen the lies they believe and the revenge they seek? Till the soil of their heart so that they are approachable.”

Not only are the hearts of kings in God’s hands, but so is the heart of your nemesis.

You, Lord, are the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid? Amen

Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” Therefore he named it Galeed, and Mizpah, for he said, “The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight. Genesis 31:48-49

When God is left out of relationships, things can deteriorate rather quickly. This is true whether it involves relationships in families, in churches, or even in nations. Good covenants, the kind God makes with us, are beautiful treaties. They promise protection, provision, inner prosperity, and longevity. The knowledge that such a covenant can exists is a comfort to us. When life gets challenging, we want to know that there is someone to whom we can run.

Unfortunately, there is another kind of covenant. It is the kind Laban made with Jacob. Although they were extended family, there was hurt and distrust. Neither wanted to be vulnerable to the other. To ensure that there would be no malice, a covenant was made. Stones were assembled into pillars and oaths were taken. In essence, this was their agreement. “Even when you can’t see me, you don’t need to fear me. I will not harm you.” This is one of the first non-aggression pacts.

Politically, countries make treaties like this kind today. The two countries are really enemies but neither can afford the fallout of war. To self-protect, they draw up a non-aggression pact.

What is most tragic is when these unspoken pacts exist in a family. “You stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours.” “Swear that you will never do that again and I’ll make it worth your while!”  Such words certainly break the heart of a God who sees His beautiful design of a family defaced. What is the cure for these self-protective, non-aggressive promises between people? The personal revival of both parties.

If I love God more than I love you, and you love God more than you love me, neither of us need to fear the other. We may or may not be close friends. That is beside the point. But just the knowledge that spiritual integrity exists erases the need to continually look over our shoulders.

Unholy standoffs are healed with prayer and humility, but it takes two.  May it be.  Amen

There I was: by day the heat consumed me, and the cold by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes. These twenty years I have been in your house. I served you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flock, and you have changed my wages ten times. Genesis 31:40-41

Jacob had had enough. He had labored under Laban’s patriarchal umbrella and suffered unfairly. He had been stolen from, lied to, and cheated out of earned wages. He had been tricked into taking a wife he never chose. On this day though, after being hunted down and accused of not acting justly, he rose to tell the truth of the story.

Making a ‘defense’ is one of those touchy subjects. If I defend myself in the heat of the moment, I can easily hear, “Well, aren’t you defensive!”  The other assumes my guilt instead of innocence. Somewhere in this equation, however, is turning the other cheek and suffering silently like Jesus did when he was ‘led like a lamb led to slaughter’. How can I know when it’s right for the truth to be spoken?

A defense given for the sake of truth is one thing and a defense given for the sake of wounded pride is another. Because there was no sin in Jesus’ heart, and because he rose to offer a defense, I might conclude that defending myself just might be a righteous act.  But how and why I make it is the real issue.

The fact that Jacob had waited so long to set the record straight is probably evidence that he had worked through his injustice with God. His rage was long gone. On the day of their final goodbye, it was only right for Laban to hear the lineup of past events from a righteous point of view.

Jesus told his disciples that the Holy Spirit would come and reveal all things to their hearts. That was their comfort, and it is also mine when the subtleties of navigating relationships leave me confused. When wronged, the Spirit of God will convict me of wounded pride even when the offense is real. When emotions are hot, He will nudge me to restrain my speech. When worked up, I can make no rational speech. “How dare you do this to me!” is too much on the tip of my tongue.

You have helped me, and are helping me, break the cycle of silence without acting out of anger.  Balance, Lord! I lean on You.  Amen