And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and he is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him.” Genesis 32:6
If your brother wanted to kill you and you heard that he was on his way with 400 men, where would your mind go? You’d probably envision something calamitous. Jacob pictured doom as well, and he was filled with anxiety.
But wait! Not long before this, Laban had also been on the hunt for Jacob. He came at him with 400 men, but God delivered him. How short was Jacob’s memory? Did he not think God could intervene again?
My memory can also be short when the same kind of trial visits me for the second time! Like Jacob, I experienced the thrill of God delivering me the first time around but when the threat is in front of my face again, I automatically run to despair. Where is my faith?
While it may be hard to voice it, I really believe that His generous spirit toward me has expired. Yes, He’ll do something wonderful once, but if I ask for it twice, He’ll be turned off. I believe that God acts on the whims of good or bad moods.
Believing that God will write new chapters in my life requires me to stand amidst very powerful emotions. While it’s always easier to feed my fears and starve my faith, I choose differently. I will feed my faith, knowing that fears will die.
Today, I will not doubt Your power, and even more important than that, I will not doubt Your love. Amen