Picking Through My Past

Deep calls to deep at the noise of your waterspouts; all your waves and your billows are gone over me. Psalm 42:7

The waves of trouble that passed over the head of this psalmist have, by his own admission, passed through the hands of God first. In speaking to God, he labeled them ‘your waves.’

The theological precedent is set. All the troubles of my life have also passed through the hands of God. Satan was given permission – not free reign! God ached with the evil that would ensue but triumphed in the redemption that would follow. Knowing that God was ultimately in control was a comfort and the peace of that knowledge has only grown with the years. I once feared becoming a sad old woman who never made peace with her past but today I can say, with years of hindsight, that I am struck by the kindness of God.

I can muse endlessly about my yesterdays. As I rehearse my choices, I play the ‘what if’ game. What if I had chosen differently and been spared the consequences? What if I had trusted others wisely and escaped betrayal? What if I had been born into another family and dodged the wounds of childhood? What if I had chosen another career path and done what I dreamt of doing instead of what others expected of me?

Focusing on ‘what ifs’ bring torment. I never stop to consider how each wound ultimately saved me. Each piece of suffering sent me further and further into the abyss from which there was no escape without God. To finally wrap my arms around my Savior was worth any price.

What piece of thorny history are you resenting today? Perhaps the past keeps repeating itself and you believe that you deserve what’s happened to you. Whether your suffering is due to poor choices or the result of injuries others inflicted, the results are the same. Bruises of the soul are invitations for God’s saving intervention. Every thorn is a saving thorn if it leads to the arms of God.

I don’t want to re-live any of it but I have lived long enough to see You reveal the treasures of the darkness. I wouldn’t change anything. I can trust Your sovereignty ~ past, present, and future. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Being Careful With The Gospel

As Jesus went on from there, He saw a man called Matthew, sitting in the tax collector’s booth; and He said to him, “Follow Me!” And he got up and followed Him. Matthew 9:9

There has been so much discussion of late about the actual event we label ‘getting saved.’ Prayers are said by a bedside, at an altar, and the Gospel is presented as a free gift that is easy to obtain. It is confusing when some who said the prayers don’t pursue God afterwards. Perhaps their enthusiasm was evident early on but actually making Christ Lord of their lives didn’t happen. Does that mean that the prayer they prayed wasn’t real? Only God knows.

Many testify that they once trusted Christ but it wasn’t until later in life that they surrendered their heart/will to Jesus. They say that the events of salvation and lordship are two different things. I am not saying that those who prayed the prayer aren’t God’s children. I was a Christian robot until my forties even though I gave my heart to Jesus when I was seven. But what I am saying is this ~

  1. Jesus didn’t separate the two events. He simply called his disciples and told them to follow – to leave everything. He made it clear that to become His disciple involved taking up a cross.
  2. We must be challenged when sharing the Gospel. It is not a series of magic words that enable others to escape eternal condemnation and wrath. It is not ‘fire insurance.’ In the Gospel presentation, the person of Jesus must be front and center. He must be unveiled as One who is beautiful, as One to be treasured above all things. If anyone is going to pick up and change their life course, they must have a relationship with the One who calls them to such a sacrifice.

I really like how our daughter, Jaime, puts it as she shares Jesus with her two boys. She tells them the Gospel story and then asks the question, “Are you ready to make Jesus your King?”

If I am really humbled by Your death in my place, calling You ‘King’ will come easily on my tongue. Amen

When It Doesn’t Mean Anything

Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works.  Psalm 119:27 

I used to be immersed in a Bible-study environment.  My husband and I worked for a large Christian ministry for the first many years of our marriage.  There was a seminary on the premises as well as an adult conference facility.  The best Bible teachers, heavyweights for that time period, were frequent guests; Charles Ryrie, Vance Havner, Lehman Strauss.  The air was supercharged with excitement over who was going to be teaching next.  I was caught up in political correctness, feigning enthusiasm with the crowd.  I sat in the meetings, took notes, tried to psyche myself that what I was hearing was exciting yet, though I was certainly learning doctrine, my own soul was not affected by what I was hearing.  Did I go away and meditate on any of it?  No.  What consumed my thoughts was the need to belong to the crowd who thought it wonderful to be sitting under such excellent teaching.

Savoring BibleDavid asks for God’s help in today’s scripture.  He petitions for spiritual understanding of the scriptures so that he will be able to meditate in a heartfelt way.  Understanding precedes meditation.  Truth must always be a heart thing!

That’s what was lacking for me all those years.  Because scripture had never been personalized, and without personalization – scripture remains impersonal, the scripture was nothing more than a church history course.  I had to scan many chapters to find a verse that was, at the very least, inspirational.  On a good day, it was intellectually stimulating but the impact ended there.

How can we interact with the scriptures in a way where we are changed?  How can we become passionate about God’s Word?   Here’s a primer course.  1. Set aside 15 minutes with God.  2. Ask God to open your heart.  3. Take a short passage of scripture and meditate on it as you read it slowly.  Taste it and savor it.  4. Look for your head/heart conflict.  Do you know the truth of what you’re reading and yet you have to admit that your heart disbelieves it?   5. Define your need as a result of the conflict.  “I don’t believe this in my heart because . . . ”  6. Put it all together into a prayer.  Voice your need. Affirm the truth. Pray the scripture.

The supernatural power of God’s Word is rendered powerless in my life when I have no need of it.

Lord, transformation began when you showed me my need of You.  Thank you for every single crisis that drove me to you.  Amen

What Can Be Missing

I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah  Psalm 32:5

Acknowledging our sin, while God requires it to be forgiven, can be a tricky thing.  I think about Cain’s confession to the Lord after killing his brother.  The pain he expressed had more to do with what he would suffer than what God suffered.  Cain said to the LORD, “Behold, you have driven me today away from the ground, and from your face I shall be hidden.  I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”  Genesis 4:13-14  There is no thought that God’s heart was broken when Cain killed Abel for doing something holy.  What’s missing in Cain’s response to God’s curse?  A real apology!  Cain never said, “I’m sorry.”  He only considers his own skin and the ways he will faint under his punishment.

flowers-sorryDo you know someone who expresses no remorse?  They are simply unable to recognize what their sin against another causes.  Many wives and husbands are cruel to each other.  Hurtful things are said and treacherous things are done.  When the one who feels betrayed speaks up, backs up, and expresses pain, remorse is absent.  But when the pain of consequences is felt, a token “Sorry!” is expressed.  There is an expectation that everything should be back to normal.  He, or she, fails to know the repercussions of his actions.

All throughout Israel’s history, God qualified the kinds of tears they cried.  God laid out the ground rules from the beginning.  “Obey me and you’ll be blessed.  Disobey and you’ll be led into captivity.”  They did well under the leadership of righteous kings for short periods of time.  Eventually though, they regressed and began to worship idols, throw their infants in the fire, and act disgracefully toward their God.  The consequences were felt.  God used enemies, like the Babylonians, to take His people as slaves.  In their great distress, they cried out to God to deliver them.  But God said, in essence, “You are not crying because you agree with me about your sin.  You’re crying because you hate captivity.”  Is this not like Cain?

I bring the message home to my own heart today.  How often have I said, “Father, I blew it.  I did ‘this’ and now I’ve lost what I treasured.  Forgive me.”  My apology was all about me, about what I lost.  I did not picture the face of my heartbroken Father.  Self-pity rather than remorse was expressed in my so-called apology.

Only You, LORD, can give me a true heart of repentance.  Amen

Who Can We Trust? Look Up!

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.  Psalm 20:7

awesome-look-sun-and-moon-together-1Lord, forgive us for looking to broken cisterns for living water. As your children, we may live wanting, groaning for your kingdom to come, but we will not be crippled by uncertainty.  We will not succumb to the anxiety of second guessing our future.  Our leaders disappoint us but You rule perfectly.  Our joy and confidence is in Your Kingship.    Each of us pray this out loud today until our whole beings believe it.

You hold our family’s future in Your hands.  You hold our health in Your hands.  You hold our security in Your hands.  You hold our disappointments in Your hands.  You have our children’s names on the palm of Your hands.  You hold us all when we tremble in fear.  You’ve got us even when we’re skeptical that Your promises are true.  Increase our faith.

We bring our leaders and broken government to you in prayer and know that only You can change them.  As we wait, we give up all rights to know why we wait.  We trust Your sovereign rule in our lives.   Your plans for us are for good – to give us a future and a hope.  Praise be to You, magnificent, trustworthy, and all-powerful Jehovah.  Amen

My Post As An Ambassador

I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me.  Psalm 119:19

High political leaders know they need ambassadors to represent them in other countries.  They look far and wide to discover the man or woman who will do the job well.  They must be well acquainted with the laws of their country, well acquainted with the wishes and strategies of the people in authority over them so that they will act successfully on their behalf.  Once chosen, there is a ‘sending’ and a mission that is unique to the country to which they’ve been called.

coa_of_us_embassy_prague_2257The ambassador leaves.  He makes his home in China, or Pakistan, or Kenya.  He does not look like anyone else nor truly live like anyone else there.  He abides by the laws of his new country but he is not a citizen.  He promotes and executes the policies of his country back home.  He speaks on behalf of the president, on behalf of the government, knowing that as he exerts his rule, his leaders back home back him up.  As long as he acts in accordance with his country’s principles, he is protected.

I am a sojourner.  Like David, I feel it.  I don’t track with the culture in which I live.  The values on earth are not in harmony with the values of heaven.  I’m an ambassador here, meant to represent my king and the laws of His kingdom.  As I rule my world with His principles, God has my back and I am protected.  I speak on behalf of God, act in His best interest, promote the laws of His kingdom.  No wonder David asks that God make his commandments known to Him.  To be in alignment with God’s precepts and live by them is to know peace and safety.  God is behind me and before me and when I’m finished representing Him here, when my time of influence has run its course, He will lead me safely home for permanent retirement in His kingdom.

My mission is clear today.  Help me rule well on your behalf.  Amen

Who Does The Truth Serve?

Truth shall spring up from the earth, and righteousness shall look down from heaven. Psalm 85: 11

When the truth is questioned, do I dig my heels in because I belong to God, or am I adamant because it serves me?

still-of-henry-ian-cusick-in-the-visual-bible-the-gospel-of-john-2003-large-pictureI remember when Jesus’ identity was questioned.  He claimed that God was his Father.  The religious leaders were indignant, calling him a liar.  If Jesus had not been perfect, He could have easily risen up to defend himself the way we often do. “How dare you question my word!  I told you that God was my Father and I am His Son.  You apparently have no idea who you’re talking to!” Anyone other than Jesus would have been tempted to stand in the pride of his celebrity status.  This temptation would have bitten most children of men.

Jesus stood in truth because He obeyed a truth-telling God, not because by standing in truth, his identity would be validated.  His sense of self was not threatened in the least by others’ disbelief.  And, it was not strengthened by their belief.  If the masses rejected Him, His self-perception suffered no fractures.  There was no personal agenda at stake here other than his unwavering obedience to speak what God prompted Him to speak.

The truth can cause God’s children to rise up in so-called holy wars.  We call ourselves truth-tellers but our heart is disconnected from the right reason to be such.  If I speak the truth today, am I doing it because it benefits me in any way?  The real test is whether or not I am willing to be truthful when faced with potential persecution.  Motives become evident very quickly.

My own heart will continue to deceive me without the help of Your Spirit, Lord.  Amen

Walking A Property Line

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.       Psalms 16:6

God never meant for me to be passive about my faith.  He has made promises but I must make them mine by walking them out.  There will be times that promises appear to be in threat so I must rise up to fight for faith.  There will be giants in my Canaan.  A life of faith does not mean a life of resting.  I must expect battles and get engaged.

Being an ambassador of God on this earth means ruling on behalf of the kingdom who commissioned me.  Though earth is not my home, I’m sent here to represent my King and bring the laws of His kingdom to earth.  This is a cooperative effort.  As I rule and do my part, God has my back.  As I stand in His promises, He fulfills them.  That’s why Moses was told to raise the rod over the Red Sea.  That’s why Joshua and the Israelites were told to march around the walls of Jericho.  They did their part and God brought the victory.

God gave Abram a blessing.  He promised him land in every direction his eyes can see and offspring greater than the sands of the sea.  But it didn’t come to pass without Abram’s involvement.  He was told to walk the length and breadth of the land – personally staking his claim.

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Walking out God’s promises is to be my way of life.  When my children’s future appears to be tenuous, I get on my knees and stake my claim on God’s promises for them.  When the ministry is under spiritual attack, I go to a day of fasting and re-claim the promises surrounding my calling.  When my home is under attack; when anger, anxiety or depression swirl, when equipment begins to malfunction, when sleep is robbed, when people begin to act out without a cause, I do what Abram did.  I walk the lines of my property and sing.  I also take my “I Am” sheet with me and read it as I walk. The victory is mine as God engages with my faith walk.

Giants in the land were never there to cause me to faint.  They were there to teach me to live and fight for faith.

Too many obstacles?  I used to just abdicate.  Thank you for teaching me how to fight and for giving victory after victory.  As the stakes get higher, give me the grace to walk with more boldness.  In Jesus name, Amen 

Riding The Fence

Therefore I consider all your precepts to be right; I hate every false way.  Psalm 119:128

David doesn’t ride the fence.  There is no neutrality.  He loves truth.  He hates every false way.  He reminds me that I should show no ambivalence when it comes to good or evil either because there is no such thing as neutrality.  It’s sin or it’s not sin.  If Jesus wouldn’t do it, think it, or condone it, then it should be intolerable for me as well.

photo-1440502653738-1bcca319323fIs there something I find myself in the middle of today that seems sticky?  Perhaps if I were dealing with a stranger, I’d take a stand but because it’s a friend or family member, the waters muddy.  I know there are repercussions if I think differently from those who know me best.   To give myself a way out, I begin to rationalize.  “I shouldn’t make a big deal out of this.  It’s not like this is the end of the world if I give in.” Those thoughts signal a red flag.  The real issue is this ~ What would Jesus do if he were in my place?

What am I letting get by me today because I fear the consequences of speaking up?  If I can answer that question, and if I believe that this particular sellout falls in a harmless category, I am not thinking like Jesus.  To speak up every time I encounter sin is not the aim here.  It is to be willing to – if God nudges.  If there is a situation that causes me to shut my mouth up tight, then I fear man more than I fear God.  Psalm 118:6 comes to mind for me to internalize.  “The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?”

You never ask your child to take a stand, suffer the consequences, without Your personal attention afterwards.  Just as angels came to Jesus in the wilderness to strengthen His heart, You come to me when I am isolated.  Amen

God Is Never Passive

My soul, wait thou only upon God. Psalm 62:6

Calvin translates this verse, “My soul, be silent before God.” Rest calm and undisturbed. Your enemies are round about thee, but rest, my soul, in God. Your enemies are mighty, but HE IS Almighty; your troubles are grievous, but he is greater than your troubles, and he shall deliver you from them. Let not your soul be agitated. The wicked are like the troubled sea that cannot rest: don’t be like them. Be calm: let not a wave ruffle your untroubled spirit. Cast thy burden on the Lord, and then sleep on his bosom.”

What are you waiting on God for today? Part of the human spiritual experience is to pray for heaven to come down and wonder why things don’t happen sooner. When we’re in distress, our relationship with God can get battered by questions of His goodness and love.

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After long periods of waiting, I have come to understand that much about my waiting room had little to do with me. It was about God preparing people and situations for what was next, lining up the dominoes to fall in succession.   Think of Joseph’s time in prison.  His final 2-year waiting period in his last prison cell probably didn’t have so much to do with Joseph as it did the ripening of times and seasons in Egypt. It was about Pharaoh entering a time of distress over his dreams.

I’m waiting in prayer today over some big things. So are you. What if I could peel back the invisible curtain between heavenly realms and my personal world? What if I could see God working in the lives of the people I love? I am convinced that I would see a very active Father, not a passive one. As for the ones I am praying for, God is wooing them but they may not discern it. He is speaking but their ears aren’t tuned to it.  He’s arranging divine encounters and He’ll make sure they won’t miss them.  He’s preparing the ground for their deliverance but they live totally unsuspecting.  And, He’s doing all of this eagerly – anticipating my joy when the miracle is unveiled.

There’s nothing more painful as a parent than to be blamed for doing nothing when, in fact, you’ve been very active. You’ve sought advice, you’ve suffered sleepless nights, you’ve problem solved and rehearsed the obstacles until your head hurts. The one who blames you just doesn’t know.  When I blame God, I am a blind, ignorant child. He is all-seeing, wise, and ever pro-active.

Passivity is not in your nature. I’ve been lied to. You are incessant in working all things for my good. Amen

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