Picking Through My Past

Deep calls to deep at the noise of your waterspouts; all your waves and your billows are gone over me. Psalm 42:7

The waves of trouble that passed over the head of this psalmist have, by his own admission, passed through the hands of God first. In speaking to God, he labeled them ‘your waves.’

The theological precedent is set. All the troubles of my life have also passed through the hands of God. Satan was given permission – not free reign! God ached with the evil that would ensue but triumphed in the redemption that would follow. Knowing that God was ultimately in control was a comfort and the peace of that knowledge has only grown with the years. I once feared becoming a sad old woman who never made peace with her past but today I can say, with years of hindsight, that I am struck by the kindness of God.

I can muse endlessly about my yesterdays. As I rehearse my choices, I play the ‘what if’ game. What if I had chosen differently and been spared the consequences? What if I had trusted others wisely and escaped betrayal? What if I had been born into another family and dodged the wounds of childhood? What if I had chosen another career path and done what I dreamt of doing instead of what others expected of me?

Focusing on ‘what ifs’ bring torment. I never stop to consider how each wound ultimately saved me. Each piece of suffering sent me further and further into the abyss from which there was no escape without God. To finally wrap my arms around my Savior was worth any price.

What piece of thorny history are you resenting today? Perhaps the past keeps repeating itself and you believe that you deserve what’s happened to you. Whether your suffering is due to poor choices or the result of injuries others inflicted, the results are the same. Bruises of the soul are invitations for God’s saving intervention. Every thorn is a saving thorn if it leads to the arms of God.

I don’t want to re-live any of it but I have lived long enough to see You reveal the treasures of the darkness. I wouldn’t change anything. I can trust Your sovereignty ~ past, present, and future. In Jesus’ name, Amen

One thought on “Picking Through My Past

  1. The timing of Gods Words through your last two posts was perfect. Thank You God for using Your instrument Christine so perfectly as only You can do!

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