BIRTH AND REBIRTH

WRITTEN IN 1997- The year God dismantled my world and started rebuilding me from scratch to the glory of His name.

WINTER

I was born in winter and died the same year.

A heart can’t grow in stark sterility.

Any chance of life beneath the ground was frozen and pressed into the cement of frozen soil.

SPRING:

And so winter came and went and though I died, I lived.

I kissed the promise of springtime.

My passion of youth breathed life and tried to join creation in its new beginnings.

But the gentle rain was really a downpour; my seed too fragile to sustain itself.  All hope washed away with floods.

Yet all around me, others grew and survived the rains.  They thrived…and I watched…and lived some more.

SUMMER:

Summer’s sun matured all those around me.  They grew tall and strong.

My chance to grow had passed by me; all hope baked by the heat of the sun.

“Fire and heat refines”, I’m told, but for me, it kills.

My process of dying is perpetuated by the deceptive beauty of the seasons.

FALL:

I rested and finally lay spent in the fall.

Fitting; while everything around me did the same.  I was in sync for a brief moment with the rest of humanity.

I could pretend that I was resting from all the growing; just like them.  But only I knew that my seed of life never gasped its first breath of air.

The autumn gave permission for all of life to rest, stop. They did and I did. But I planned to stop forever.  After all, autumn is the time to die.

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WINTER:

I met You, Jesus, in the winter.

Funny, it doesn’t feel like other winters.  The cold blast of air is but a game for two; frostbitten noses ~ connecting playfully.

The winds howl, but I rock in your arms safely, snugly.  The warmth of you spreads throughout my being, thawing frozen parts…making them supple, healthy and pink.

SPRING:

Your breath ushered me into spring ~ effortlessly.  I was a tender chute, tucked into the rich fertile soil;  watered, tended, protected by the watchful eye of You.

The gentle rains came; you stood, watched my roots soak in the moisture.

We tipped our faces to the warm drops and sang to their rhythm.

Moving across the ground in threatening speed, you sheltered me and I felt only raindrops, for you took the storm in my place.

In the resurrection of spring you threw me into the air with careless abandon. I was caught by the wind, propelled by hope, and kissed with promise.

SUMMER:

You blessed my life in springtime. I played with you in summer.

You taught me laughter, lazy days, giggling ~ blowing bubbles, flying kites, floating on our backs on a mirrored lake ~roasting marshmallows, napping in a hammock ~ sleeping on a Sunday afternoon with the warm, balmy breezes wafting through the screens on the windows.

During this summer, I did not measure to see if I had grown. I just plain forgot ~ lost in the joy of you and the lessons of being.

FALL:

I was awed by you in Autumn.  I’m tall, alive, and free.

The many shades and hues of rich earth tones remind me of the richness and colors of your love.

The chill refreshes me and as all around die their natural death I believe in their resurrection; I have lived to see my own.

I finally rest. Not to die as autumn suggests, but to rest and evolve in the company of your heart.

I know a love that transcends all seasons.

 

The Signet Ring

Standing in the mountain of ashes that represented what was left of her life’s work, it appeared to the woman as if it amounted to nothing.  She was deeply fatigued and cynical.  Disappointed with her Father who stood nearby, she cried,  “Who ARE you that you make life so difficult?”  Her Father was silent but His eyes welled up with tears.  All this daughter had known was achieving and performing.  Every sermon and book was just one more list to add to an already exhaustive roster of impossible expectations.  Now, her life appeared to be over.  She was too tired to live.  “Who am I?” she questioned.

“Come rest with me,” He answered.  “You won’t know the answer to that question until you see yourself in my eyes.” Rest was exactly what she needed.  Little did she know that who she was naturally, genetically, and spiritually would only be defined as she rested in her Father’s arms.

Fatigue overcame her and she accepted His invitation.  They sat on the grass nearby, the Father’s back against a tree and the woman seated beside Him with her head resting against His shoulder.  She dozed, changed positions, slept some more…and each time she stirred she found His eyes were the same.  Full of tenderness and concern. He was in no hurry.  In fact, there seemed to be no sense of time passing.

It was there in the pile of rubble, in the grimy remains of her life that she saw it emerge.  She squinted her eyes to understand the form of it. Little by little, it took shape.  She realized it was an ancient trunk made of brown leather with black iron embellishments.  Whatever was inside was age-old and perhaps worth canvassing.  There was a huge pad-lock on the latch and it was some time before she was curious enough to ask Him about it.

She instantly had a sense of His joy.  He was rubbing his hands together eagerly. “My arms are loaded with gifts for my daughters, but they don’t ask.  Thank goodness, you did.  Here, let me open it.”

He didn’t even have to touch the lock.  It fell apart at the wave of his hand.  He blew the dust off the top and raised the lid. Taking her by the hand, he led her to look inside.  “This is your inheritance. I’ve been waiting to give it to you.”

The inside of the lid revealed a mirror and inside the chest were all sorts of clothes.  Apparel for every occasion, attire that was ethnically diversified and theatrical.  She couldn’t remember seeing anyone in finery like this except in storybooks. Many were exotic, resembling flamboyant costumes, while others were simple and elegant.  As he held up several garments for her to see, she could tell that they would fit her perfectly.

“Is this like playing dress-up,” she asked.

“I think that’s a good way to look at it for now”, he said thoughtfully.  “Put them on.  See how they fit. Anything that feels like it was fashioned just for you, you may keep forever.”  She lifted several things out of the trunk and noticed old parchments among the clothing, parchments with messages written on them.

“These are messages from me, child, written a long time ago for you. See how tattered they are?  Some old friends of ours left them for you so that you may know the secrets of my heart.  They are your legacy.”

She reverently fingered one and read the message. ‘Dear Daughter, He who touches you—touches the apple of my eye.’  “This is how much He loves you.  Love, Zechariah”

And then another, ‘Dear one, I take delight in you. I quiet you with my love.  I even rejoice over you with a song.’ ‘Did you know that you are cherished like this?  Hold this truth close to your heart.  Your brother, Zephaniah.’

It was hard to stop reading.  Messages just for her!  She’d read words like these long ago, but in the delirium of the long hours of toil, never stopped to consider they were authored for her.  She was stirred deeply and choked back tears.

She fingered another message, this one from Isaiah. “Oh little one, can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have you engraved you on the palm of my hands.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed all three papers to her heart.  They were too good to be true.  She looked up at her Father shyly to see if his eyes were full of the words she had just read.  She couldn’t breathe. His eyes were so full of love that the warmth of it flooded her being.

She laid the letters down and lifted a pale pink dress with hand-sewn pearls from the chest.  Slipping it over her head, she felt it cascade to the ground in luxurious folds.  She felt ten feet tall.  Twirling around and around, the chiffon swooshed and billowed, blowing the dust away from the circle in which she danced.

Knowing she was in metamorphosis, her Father held her hand high above her head while she spun effortlessly.  Like the slow, winding down of a dancer in a music box, their rotations went into slow motion and then stopped.  He swept her into His arms and finally declared with abandon, “I’ve waited so long for this!  I think you are beginning to know I love you.  I can see my light in your eyes! Working yourself to the bone is not what I made you for. I made you to do what we’re doing right now; enjoying each other’s company.  We can dream, work, and play together. Won’t that be fun?”

She nodded, finally understanding the secret to passion and energy.  How had she missed it?  How different life would be from now on.

Then He said, “I tucked the most important message in my pocket.  I let one of my favorite sons, Haggai, write the message down for you.  Here you go.”

She unfolded the paper and read.  “Now dear one, from this day on I will bless you.  I will take you and will make you like a signet ring, for I have chosen you.”  She stopped, not knowing how significant the words were.

She hadn’t noticed the ring on His finger.  Now, he was removing it.  “Will you wear my ring?” he asked.  “If you will do me the honor, this is what it will mean for you.  Everywhere you go, you will have my authority as I prepare the road before you.  Everyone will know that you are my daughter as you wear your power with humility.”

It didn’t take long to decide.  She extended her hand and He slipped it on her finger.  Though it had fit His large hand only a moment earlier, it now fit her perfectly.  Just like the clothes!

She was positioned in front of the trunk’s lid and she saw her own reflection in the mirror. Was this her?  It couldn’t be.  Everything about her looked different.  She was taller somehow.  Her eyes bright, deep, and confident.  She drew in her breath, finally understanding.

“This is NOT dress-up, is it?” she asked ecstatically.  “That’s the secret of the trunk and all of its treasures.  The clothes, the messages, and most of all…. the ring!   This is who I really am!

He laughed and uttered to the heavens in rapture.  She had captured the gift.  This daughter was full of promise.  Always had been, but she hadn’t known it.  Yes, this woman would impact heaven and earth profoundly.

She was changing clothes again. This time, she was wearing a deep, purple velvet gown with gold trim.  The ring shimmered on her finger and she postured, turned, and looked again at herself in the looking glass as she remembered the words of yet another prophet, when the Lord said… “Remove the filthy garments from her.  I will clothe her in festal robes.”

Jesus Taught Me How To Relate To Abba

Jesus taught me how to live as a child of God. He was a Son; I am a daughter. If I want to know how to relate to Him, I follow His example.

Jesus made no autonomous decisions. The Son is able to do nothing of His own accord; but the Son is able to do only what He sees His Father doing. Jn. 5:19   His choices were often surprising. He chose only one man to heal at the at pool of Bethesda though many dreamt of it. The rich young ruler departed from Jesus’ with a sad heart  yet Jesus didn’t go after him. Jesus wasted no steps because Abba ordered them.

Did Jesus have memory of His intimacy with the Father? Did He remember the Garden and the fall? Did he feel the urgency of the ages in needing to redeem mankind? Or did God subject his mind/memory to finite time just as we live? I’m inclined to think that way. Whatever Jesus seemed to know about history, about Abraham and about the Torah, He knew from studying. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. Heb. 5:8

Jesus’ journey to the cross never eroded His trust in His Father.  He probably did not have all the details surrounding his coming crucifixion. He knew He was born for that purpose.  He trusted, He obeyed – and the seeming cruelty of God’s path for Him didn’t cause Him to stumble in His relationship with His Father. Can you imagine how He felt when He studied Isaiah 53 and other prophetic passages? He thought, “This is talking about me. This will happen to me.”

Abba, I will follow Jesus.  I will be submissive to You.   And I will not stumble over You when life gets really difficult.   Amen