Author: Christine Wyrtzen

WHEN A CHILD BECOMES A PARENT’S FRIEND

And we said to my lord, ‘We have a father, an old man, and a young brother, the child of his old age. His brother is dead, and he alone is left of his mother’s children, and his father loves him.’ Genesis 44:20

         Oh, the painful journey that a child must travel to finally become his parent’s friend. For a child, youth is complicated. Their parents are god-like, by divine intention. It takes a good chunk of adulthood for that child to see a parent’s humanity, forgive the imperfections, and come back to embrace friendship.

         And oh, the painful journey that a parent must travel to finally become their child’s friend. Without a willingness to adapt from a parent to a peer, true friendship will be impossible. Parents will always see their child as a child, even in their 60’s and 70’s. What is needed for a parent to see their child as a mature adult? Humility. Parents can learn a lot from grown children if we’re willing to be taught by them.

         Look how long it took for Judah to talk respectfully of his father and his father’s affections. Nearly two decades. When he was a young man, he despised his father, and Joseph, for the love they shared. The scripture today is a tender display of admiration, respect, and acceptance of who his father is and whom he loves.

         Jaime, my daughter, and I work together in this ministry. She is in her mid-thirties and our relationship has evolved over the years. Mother/daughter relationships are wonderful and also complicated. We will be the first to admit that. But it can become a work of glory when both are committed to grow amidst the challenges of getting older together. When people learn that we work together, most will show a measure of surprise. “Really? And you get along?” We laugh but we understand. We think of all the family businesses that operate in an environment of family strife.

         Just this week, Jaime made an observation about my pace of life and my health. Instead of objecting and continuing to go about my day, I listened. God confirmed to me that very day that she was right. Yesterday, I called to thank her for it. I affirmed, again, her as my friend. How precious it is to walk together with God!

         What is the secret of true fellowship in a relationship, whether friend or familial?  Both have to love God first. Seek God first. Then ask God for His eyes for the other person. Discoveries will be wonderful and, at times, painful. But with God’s eyes, grace will prevail. Under God’s wings, relationships thrive.

Looking back, Your work of grace is a masterpiece and all glory goes to You. Amen

GO AHEAD. SPEAK IT!

Then Judah went up to him and said, “Oh, my lord, please let your servant speak a word in my lord’s ears, and let not your anger burn against your servant, for you are like Pharaoh himself. Genesis 44:18

         The brothers are cornered. Joseph planted treasure in Benjamin’s sack, knowing that upon discovery, he would have legal right to claim Benjamin as his servant. This would bring his brothers to the breaking point. They would either rend their clothes in guilt over their past sins or their hard hearts, even for Benjamin, would be revealed. The spiritual test was about to do its work and only God knew how it would work out. When crushed, Judah repented for himself and his brothers. Still not knowing that Joseph was the brother they had betrayed, Judah confessed the guilt which had only compounded over the years.

         Oh, the power of confession. Not only am I to confess my sins to God but scripture commands me to confess my sins to a brother or sister in Christ too. This is so that I may know the release that comes from speaking of my own guilt. I can also ask for prayer and know the power of another’s intercession over me.

         This is hard for each of us. Having been given the choice of free will, I rarely tell my story to another. I will carry the guilt of what I did long ago for decades.I’ll rationalize that I’ve asked God to forgive me. And He has. But the weight of my story presses in on me in ways I can’t even measure. Not until I tell it, speak it, and feel the release, can I understand how much of a burden I have carried.

         Speaking my story to just one safe person, one who has the heart of Jesus for me, adds years to my life. Until I tell it, it isn’t real to me and it has little clarity. The narrative is trapped in my own head and swirls around like a pool of sludge. Forcing myself to speak of the unspeakable gives it form. As I pour out the contents of my heart, I am lighter. As love and reminders of God’s forgiveness are returned from the one who is listening, I am free.

         The bonus of confession is the gift that comes with self-disclosure. I think of the things I’ve said after talking of something private. “I never knew I felt this strongly about that.” “I’m surprised about how much I’m crying about this.” “Things make sense for the first time!”

         I can only imagine the relief Judah felt when He told Joseph the story of his past sins. Even if he had to pay with his own life, it felt worth it. Burdens of the heart crush us and it need not be so.

For the one who is crying reading this, the one who cannot take another day living in silence, give them the grace to tell their story. And show them who should be the ears of Joseph. Amen

THE PERFECT STORM

Then he commanded the steward of his house, “Fill the men’s sacks with food, as much as they can carry, and put each man’s money in the mouth of his sack, and put my cup, the silver cup, in the mouth of the sack of the youngest, with his money for the grain.” And he did as Joseph told him. Genesis 44:1-2

         Just about the time the brothers believed that all was well, the fires of testing rose to a new peak. They had dined at Joseph’s table. (Though they did not yet know it was Joseph.) The meal had been sumptuous. They had begun to feel the hand of blessing and the knot of guilt that they had carried in their gut began to recede. But God, through Joseph, was not going to leave any past issues unresolved. There was a history of unspoken evil that needed exposure. For the brothers to be free of their past sins and to know the mercy that forgiveness brings, they must suffer again.

         Joseph set them up to fail. He had his servant place the royal silver cup in Benjamin’s sack. Joseph could foresee the moment when it would be discovered and the brothers would understand that their youngest brother, the other favorite son of their old father, would be imprisoned for stealing. The Father’s second beloved son would never return home. This time, it was not their fault. But to their father, it would feel identical to what happened so long ago.

         Joseph represents a beautiful picture of how God brings a sinner home. God knows how to refine me. What I think I can hide away can so easily be revealed when He shapes the circumstances in my life. He concocts the perfect storm, for my good, in order for bring about a cleansing. Though it is ultimately a life-saving wound, it will feel like my demise. God will not appear kind, but cruel. I might be so angry that I vow never to draw close to Him again. I will not understand at first that this is the path to my blessing, not a curse-filled future. Continue reading “The Perfect Storm” →

ARE YOU SPIRITUALLY INTUITIVE?

And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright and the youngest according to his youth. And the men looked at one another in amazement. Genesis 43:33

         God’s child is meant to be spiritually intuitive. Though God is a communicator, much of the time He is subtle. If I’m dull instead of intuitive, I will miss the signposts that are significant to my journey.

         Joseph prepared a feast for his brothers. When they arrived, they were seated in order of their birth. Who was the first to notice? We’re not told. But eventually, all of them were stunned and speechless. They couldn’t imagine what was going on but they knew that the moment was pregnant with implications.

         What creates a pregnant moment conceived by God? Prayer. I see the need for change. I commit myself to pray over a long period of time. It will appear that God is inactive but I keep my eyes on the horizon. By faith, I know that my prayers are being heard. By faith, I know that God answers the prayers of His children. Though I will walk through the wilderness of waiting, there will come a moment that will cause me to draw in my breath. Everything will feel like it’s shifting. Fragile. Tenuous. I dare not mess it up. If ever there is a time for me to stay quiet and watchful, it will be this moment. Continue reading “Are You Spiritually Intuitive?” →

RE-GROUPING FOR THE NEXT PHASE

And he inquired about their welfare and said, “Is your father well, the old man of whom you spoke? Is he still alive?” They said, “Your servant our father is well; he is still alive.” And they bowed their heads and prostrated themselves. And he lifted up his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother’s son, and said, “Is this your youngest brother, of whom you spoke to me? God be gracious to you, my son!” Then Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there. Genesis 43:27-30

            Joseph had it all planned out. He would test his brothers, temporarily incarcerate Simeon, send them back to Canaan and then return to Egypt with Benjamin, and all the while, none of his family would know who he was. The next phase would be more personal, more difficult to play out without disclosing his own identity. How would he serve them a meal, see Benjamin, and then talk of their father without his heart giving way? Years of pent up grief and homesickness were bubbling at the surface, begging escape. The only recourse when weeping was close to exploding was to excuse himself to re-group in private. He kept them waiting while he wept in the next room.

            Knowing when to re-group can be tricky. When emotions are strong, whether grief, anger, or frustration, it’s hard to reign them in for a better time. I don’t believe I have the restraint to keep overwhelming feelings in check instead of express them. Continue reading “Re-Grouping For The Next Phase” →

WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THE END

And when we came to the lodging place we opened our sacks, and there was each man’s money in the mouth of his sack, our money in full weight. So we have brought it again with us, and we have brought other money down with us to buy food. We do not know who put our money in our sacks.” He replied, “Peace to you, do not be afraid. Your God and the God of your father has put treasure in your sacks for you. I received your money.” Then he brought Simeon out to them. Genesis 43:21-13

         Who would have thought that too much money in their sacks would be a problem? That’s a good problem unless the ruler of Egypt has your future in his hands and will perceive that the money is stolen. Then you have some explaining to do. It appears that fast-talking will be your only salvation. How limited their spiritual perspective is! They do not know that the ruler they fear is Joseph. They do not know that God is writing the plotline of this severe testing of character. Ignorance is a good thing. If they knew, perhaps their people pleasing would kick in ~ in order to gain favor. After all, they, and their children, were hungry.

         Ah, God does all things well. A spiritual test is never enjoyable. It takes me to edge where, for a moment, everything hangs in the balance. What I think, what I do, all seems so critical and so fragile. Never is the war of the flesh stronger than when I am reacting to a customized test from God. He knows just how to take me to the end of myself in order to confront what is in my heart. When I arrive at that ‘ugly thing’ I’ve not been willing to see before now, I expect His hand to come sweeping down to pronounce a death sentence. I’m positive that it will be my ultimate humiliation.

         But then, upon humble acknowledgement and prayers for grace, I hear the same words the brothers heard from Joseph. “Peace you to. Do not be afraid.”

         “Search me and know me. Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me.” Ps.139:23 is not a prayer for the fainthearted. I am spiritually dull and don’t know myself well at all. And since “God desires truth in the inward parts.” Ps.51:6, arriving at it is arduous. But a God who accepts humble sinners is at the other end, bent down with his arms open to me. The painful discovery I made is only new to me. He knew it all along and, oh, how he loved me in spite of it.

Just yesterday, you revealed an ugly truth and today there is peace. I wouldn’t want to belong to anyone else. Amen

GETTING CLOSE ENOUGH TO MERCY

When Joseph saw Benjamin with them, he said to the steward of his house, “Bring the men into the house, and slaughter an animal and make ready, for the men are to dine with me at noon.” The man did as Joseph told him and brought the men to Joseph’s house. And the men were afraid because they were brought to Joseph’s house, and they said, “It is because of the money, which was replaced in our sacks the first time, that we are brought in, so that he may assault us and fall upon us to make us servants. Genesis 43:16-18

         The brother’s history of sin against Joseph makes them skittish. Rightly so. How many would forgive being sold into slavery by a family member? (And it’s happening today all over the world.) Though it has been nearly two decades, to them it feels like yesterday. Though they didn’t know Joseph’s identity yet, their guilty conscience causes them look for God’s judgment anywhere it can be found. They assume that this ruler in Egypt will be the instrument of God’s discipline. While they prepare for hardship, Joseph prepares a feast in their honor. Mercy is not rational.

         When I consider my past sins, I can turn away from God in fear. I cannot conceive (though I know a lot about the cross) that God will have the face of mercy instead of judgment.

         There’s a new song out by Big Daddy Weave called Overwhelmed. It’s currently my husband’s favorite song. Here is the part of the song that I hear him singing throughout the day.

God, I run into Your arms

Unashamed because of mercy

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You.

         It is not possible to describe the gift of God’s mercy. He brings me close when I should be alienated. He forgives when I should be punished. He makes me a friend when I have proven to be His enemy. He opens His arms wide when I’m convinced that all access to Him will be locked.

         Joseph is a type of Jesus. He shows us what unthinkable mercy looks like. My part is to dare to believe such good news. How tragic to run from God my whole life, only to discover that I ran from mercy. In His hands, He holds the robe of His son. He waits to put it around my shoulders. When I wear it, I am as sinless as His Son, Jesus. Mercy not only forgives, it removes my sin completely.

Mercy is free but it’s on the other side of true remorse. Show me the difference between remorse and living with a guilty conscience. Amen

WHAT I LONG FOR

            May God Almighty grant you mercy before the man, and may he send back your other brother and Benjamin. And as for me, if I am bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.”. Genesis 43:14

            Since Joseph’s disappearance, Jacob had held Benjamin close. He wasn’t going to let him out of his sight for fear that some bad end would also come to him. Years of playing God had become normal but in his old age, God tested him. For all to live, Benjamin must go to Egypt. Jacob didn’t give in easily. At the first suggestion, he adamantly refused. Only famine and the threat of extinction wore him down. He finally abdicated. “If I lose all my children, then so be it.”

            Are you tired of fighting? You’ve held on to hope and clutched your dream. You’ve not let anyone too close for fear that your resolve would be challenged. You’ve controlled things quite artfully. No one knows that your iron will is fragile. I know. I’ve been a dreamer, too.

            No one can predict the moment when I will stop fighting. My resolve to make things work crumbles. Continue reading “What I Long For” →

WHEN GOD HEMS YOU IN

Now the famine was severe in the land. And when they had eaten the grain that they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, “Go again, buy us a little food.” But Judah said to him, “The man solemnly warned us, saying, ‘You shall not see my face unless your brother is with you.’ Genesis 43:1-3

            Does God sometimes confine His child? Yes.   Perhaps you object. “What happened to the God of spacious places?”  He’s that, too. There’s a time and a season for everything. When it’s time to train and direct a child’s steps, a Father confines. When it’s time to deliver, confinement ends and spacious places begin. For our good, God initiates both.

            There were a few times in my life when God asked me to do something extremely difficult. I objected and had many reasons why it wasn’t possible; I didn’t feel I could handle it, I felt it was a mistake deep in my spirit, and/or I didn’t want to face a certain issue. Jacob knew this kind of dread. He swore that Benjamin would never go to Egypt. He made this paternal declaration to his sons; the kind that children know is definitive. They knew not to argue.

            But then God overruled. Famine increased; food decreased. Options disappeared. God hemmed him in so that the only option was Egypt. I’m sure it seemed to Jacob like he’d never see Benjamin again. Was he frustrated that God didn’t provide another way? Probably. It probably seemed like God was cruel. Yet, eternal purposes prevailed and confinement initiated a lifesaving journey for the tribes of Israel. Egypt was the doorway to their future.

            There are so many ways God confines for my good. He can make me so uncomfortable in a job that I realize it’s time to leave. Misunderstood, rejected, unappreciated….these are often the catalysts for ultimate change. He can also cause this discomfort so that I learn to treasure Him above my own comfort.

            Oh, how He can hem me in emotionally. For my good, there may be an issue it’s time for me to confront. I may have run from it for a lifetime but God places me in the path of others who stir up this old wound. I can’t escape the triggers. With nowhere to run but God, I am forced to deal with something I’d rather forget.

            I don’t like to feel trapped. By nature, I recoil from the one who won’t let me escape. My last instinct is to draw closer to the very One who hems me in. Yet, that is what I must do with a Sovereign Father. I must intentionally run to the One who is wounding me. I hang on to the theology of God’s love and goodness. Through my tears, I know that the wound he inflicts is a life-saving one. Every step I take toward Egypt moves me closer to life, not death.

On the other side of every confinement has been abundant life. Help me remember that in this place of frustration. Amen

WHEN I’VE REACHED MY LIMIT!

And Jacob their father said to them, “You have bereaved me of my children: Joseph is no more, and Simeon is no more, and now you would take Benjamin. All this has come against me.” Then Reuben said to his father, “Kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you. Put him in my hands, and I will bring him back to you.” But he said, “My son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead, and he is the only one left. If harm should happen to him on the journey that you are to make, you would bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to Sheol.” Genesis 42:36-38

         Have you ever had a “That’s it, I quit!” moment? Over the long haul, you had held your tongue, you kept functioning, you stayed civil in a strained relationship, and you weren’t even aware that you were so fragile on the inside. But then it happened. It might have even been a little thing that sent you over the edge but there was no more elastic in your spirit to assume the weight of it. You snapped.

         Jacob’s breaking point was in this part of the story. Joseph is dead. Simeon has been seized by an Egyptian ruler and imprisoned. (None of them knew that the ruler was Joseph.) Now, in order to release Simeon, they must bring back another brother, the prized child of their father. Jacob’s soul rips the rest of the way. This was his limit and he declares there is no way that he will release Benjamin to anyone’s care but his own.

         Everyone has a limit. The issues vary. The amounts of stress vary. The ways each person abdicates his hope vary. Some cry. Some erupt with strong words. Some just walk away and never look back. Continue reading “When I’ve Reached My Limit” →