When It Feels Like The End


And when we came to the lodging place we opened our sacks, and there was each man’s money in the mouth of his sack, our money in full weight. So we have brought it again with us, and we have brought other money down with us to buy food. We do not know who put our money in our sacks.” He replied, “Peace to you, do not be afraid. Your God and the God of your father has put treasure in your sacks for you. I received your money.” Then he brought Simeon out to them. Genesis 43:21-13

         Who would have thought that too much money in their sacks would be a problem? That’s a good problem unless the ruler of Egypt has your future in his hands and will perceive that the money is stolen. Then you have some explaining to do. It appears that fast-talking will be your only salvation. How limited their spiritual perspective is! They do not know that the ruler they fear is Joseph. They do not know that God is writing the plotline of this severe testing of character. Ignorance is a good thing. If they knew, perhaps their people pleasing would kick in ~ in order to gain favor. After all, they, and their children, were hungry.

         Ah, God does all things well. A spiritual test is never enjoyable. It takes me to edge where, for a moment, everything hangs in the balance. What I think, what I do, all seems so critical and so fragile. Never is the war of the flesh stronger than when I am reacting to a customized test from God. He knows just how to take me to the end of myself in order to confront what is in my heart. When I arrive at that ‘ugly thing’ I’ve not been willing to see before now, I expect His hand to come sweeping down to pronounce a death sentence. I’m positive that it will be my ultimate humiliation.

         But then, upon humble acknowledgement and prayers for grace, I hear the same words the brothers heard from Joseph. “Peace you to. Do not be afraid.”

         “Search me and know me. Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me.” Ps.139:23 is not a prayer for the fainthearted. I am spiritually dull and don’t know myself well at all. And since “God desires truth in the inward parts.” Ps.51:6, arriving at it is arduous. But a God who accepts humble sinners is at the other end, bent down with his arms open to me. The painful discovery I made is only new to me. He knew it all along and, oh, how he loved me in spite of it.

Just yesterday, you revealed an ugly truth and today there is peace. I wouldn’t want to belong to anyone else. Amen

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