Have you struggled with these questions? I would love to be close to someone, but how do I know when close becomes too close? When is it healthy to need a friend, spouse, or child, and when has my need become too heavy for them to carry? Can people sense the emptiness in me? Does it make them pull away?

Those questions rarely begin in adulthood. When there has been early familial dysfunction, relationships can become distorted long before I have words for what is happening. If love was inconsistent, intrusive, critical, withholding, or unpredictable, I may grow up longing desperately for closeness while simultaneously mistrusting it. I can become overly alert to tone, distance, silence, and changes in affection. I may cling, withdraw, over-explain, over-give, test loyalty, or ask one relationship to repair wounds it did not create.

Before I can love another person freely, I have to learn what it means to live as a daughter before God. He is the teacher and keeper of my heart. He does not shame my neediness or ration out His welcome. I cannot tire Him out. In His presence, my longings are reordered. What once felt desperate becomes quieter. What I demanded from people, I begin learning to receive from Him first. This does not make me independent of human love. It makes me less likely to misuse it.

In the safety of belonging to God, I learn intimacy without possession. I learn when to speak and when to wait. I learn when to ask for help and when not to make another person responsible for stabilizing me. I also learn the painful truth that people will sometimes fail me. When they do, I do not have to collapse or retaliate. I can return to the Father who remains steady when human love proves limited. He longs to heal me when humans are flawed if I will just live with Him in His presence. 

Who is like my God?  No one.  He said in Isaiah 46.  Listen to me, I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born.  I will be Yours throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

Intimacy.  We all need it like water.  I found it, first, in You. Thank you. Amen