Right here in the crowd is someone you do not recognize. Though his ministry follows mine, I’m not even worthy to be his slave and untie the straps of his sandal.”  John 1:26-17 [NLT]

John said, ‘I’m not even worthy to be the Messiah’s slave.’  Unworthiness has so many faces.  Only one is righteous; the others are not.   Yet, for any of us who have suffered from toxic unworthiness, we can agree that it can feel like it might be a holy thing.  Satan loves that.  He wants us to mistake it for humility.

Isaac Watts wrote the words, ‘For such a worm as I, ‘ when he composed the hymn, AT THE CROSS.  Was he celebrating the glory of Christ or was he feeling an exaggerated sense of his own unworthiness?  The rest of the lyrics reveal that it was the first. 

Self-loathing is healed in the arms of Jesus.  His love melts all my resistance, and I can stop fighting and fully surrender.  I no longer have to brace myself for rejection from One who already knows my whole story. I throw open the door and let Him enter places that I’ve locked.  He does not humiliate me.  He tells the truth without cruelty.  He answers every ounce of shame with Calvary. 

This is the joy Satan hates. If he cannot keep me from Christ, he will try to keep me suspicious of His affection. He will make conviction feel like condemnation. I’ll never get my head out of the dirt.  But my unworthiness is not the final word about me because I’m joined to the One who is worthy. 

When John said he was not worthy to untie the sandals of Jesus, he was not trapped in shame. He was free. Free from self-importance. Free from spiritual competition. Free to be small because Christ was so magnificent.  Holy unworthiness bows, then rejoices. Toxic unworthiness bows, then refuses to get up.

Jesus, let my smallness become worship, not bondage.  Amen