Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.  Psalm 51:6

There is usually no end to the lengths I will go to protect myself from pain. If I believe a partial truth because I want to avoid something stark, surely that’s okay if it saves me from further suffering, right? Not according to my Father. He values truth, requires it, and tells me it’s only for my good and total healing if I value it as well.

How does this play into forgiveness? When someone wounds me and the pain threatens to undo my heart, I will self-protect by beginning to offer excuses. “They only did that because . . .”  How about, “They didn’t mean it.”  Or, “He only does it every once in a while.”

Excusing them as a way to block out the pain is a way of minimizing what they did.  It’s as if I start with a basketball-sized offense. Every time I excuse it, it gets re-shaped and becomes smaller. Eventually, what was once the size of a basketball is now the size of a golf ball. It no longer even resembles the original offense. Forgiving some made-made, altered offense feels much safer whereas forgiving the real thing is excruciating.  Oh, but it’s necessary.

Perhaps you’ve extended forgiveness but failed to find any closure. You said the right words but have felt no better. It didn’t feel real and honest. Could it be that you did not allow God to show you the whole truth deep in your spirit? Could it be that you chose to self-protect by minimizing the intent of the offender? There isn’t freedom until each of us forgives the real thing and it’s only bearable with God’s arms tightly around us. Forgiveness is empowered supernaturally by grace.  We can not manufacture it with our own elegant mind-games.