Most likely, we are all in a relationship with someone who has a heart of stone. Their needs overwhelm us, their expectations are high even to the point of perfection. There are common characteristics among those who have hearts of stone.
- They are incapable of receiving, and giving, love. They walled off their hearts early in life to self-protect. In so doing, they saved themselves from feeling the pain of other’s neglect and abuse. But the self-imposed walls also prevented them from receiving the love others attempted to give. It didn’t feel save to be loved and their reservoir of love still runs on empty.
Those with hearts of stone either won’t let you love them (and will be angry when you try to) or they will let you spend your love but they won’t really internalize it. Tomorrow, their needs will be just as great. Remember this ~ No one can give away what they haven’t first possessed for themselves.
In the middle of a Prayer Mapping Event, a senior woman approached me with tears in her eyes. “I’ve been married for 68 years,” she said. “I’ve tried everything to love my husband over the years but he remains cold. I thought it was all my fault but today, I realize that he has a heart of stone.”
2. They are draining because love doesn’t stick. We call such people ‘bottomless pits.’ It’s like pouring water into a glass with no floor in it. Instead of filling up the container, the liquid drains out all over the floor. If you’re the person who spends time and energy pouring love into them, it won’t take long to feel like it’s a futile endeavor. Every day, you’re forced to acknowledge that everything you did yesterday had no lasting effect. (Only Jesus can cure a heart of stone and that will be the topic in a few chapters.)
Those with a heart of stone believe we should always be there when they need us, that we should make them the center of our world, that we should put our lives on hold until their needs are met. If the one with a heart of stone is an angry person, they won’t request this, they will demand it and make your life miserable if you refuse to give what they believe they are entitled to.
3. They are void of conscience, and therefore, they have no remorse when they have wronged you. God addressed this topic in the book of Isaiah as he described these kinds of people. “Were they ashamed because of what they’ve done? They were not ashamed at all. They didn’t even know how to blush.” Jeremiah 8:12 When you are wronged by someone with a heart of stone, they will be unmoved about the damage they have caused. The best you will get from them is a massive minimization of the offense. Destructive words will be categorized as a joke, or mild insult. You will be labeled ‘too sensitive.’
If you love someone who has never been remorseful for their actions, it may be helpful to consider the reason why. It won’t make the hurt disappear but it will bring some understanding as to the ‘why’ of their absent apology.
Daughters of promise 
I am having a difficult time understanding how a child can be put in an abusive situation and they put up a wall to protect themselves, and this can become a heart of stone. It seems very sad and a very difficult life full of struggling and mistrust.
How is anyone able to have a “change of heart”? Why is it that the natural, self-protecting ways of a child can lead to a heart of stone? It doesn’t seem very kind at all. I don’t want to attempt to judge God, but I am wondering if God’s grace is still not poured out onto that child in an understanding way, in an effort to somehow provide an opportunity for that person to become one who can still take advantage of all that God freely gives us.
God is the one who promises to touch the heart of stone and awaken it to love. Instead of living behind protective walls, that person (when they turn to God) is wooed to the One who loves, provides safety, and calls them to live with Him in spacious places. God’s grace is lavish upon those who have been rejected.
Wow!! I was reading Jeremiah 5: 14 and 23:29 recently. As i did so, the second verse states a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces. Immediately, the Spirit of God told me that this rock is a STONEY HEART!