Oh, how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day. Psalm 119:97
I will value something more if I’ve suffered from the want of it. If I lived much of my life without the daily revelation that comes through a relationship with God and His Word, then I will embrace it now with intense passion. The contrast between how desperate I was without the words of Jesus compared to what it’s like to live now with His presence and guidance will be stark. I’m not speaking hypothetically here. I’m speaking from experience.
But some who know me say, “Wait! You’ve been a Christian since you were seven years old. What do you mean you didn’t know the joy of following God’s ways?” I will tell you that it might have appeared I did. But I took the paths other Christians prescribed for me. I was a compliant person and when put me in the company of strong willed visionaries, I caved to fit in. I wanted acceptance more than I wanted to know the joy of pioneering my way with God.
For the first 40+ years of my life, I lived by other people’s rudder. When faced with any challenge, I asked those around me, “What would you do?” It seemed there was always a plethora of answers to follow. Most were given with good intentions and with firm conviction. Not knowing how to really hear God’s Spirit speak to me, I felt I needed their direction and chose to always trust it. While some advice was solid, much of it was not. Over time, I harbored bad feelings toward those whose advice led me astray. I also punished myself for being so weak as to listen to them. There was no winning, no peace. Regrets buried me. I had to work my way through the mire of disappointments to find the sovereignty of God. He has more than redeemed it all as I’m writing this.
Do I echo David’s words and proclaim my love for His personalized instruction in scripture? Oh yes! Have I turned into a lone ranger who never asks others for counsel? No. It’s just that now I have a place to go to weigh their words. God will confirm the validity of their input or direct me to go a different way. His law is life and throughout my day, I have the absolute joy of being utterly preoccupied with it.
I am only compliant to Your Spirit, the place where my independence melts away. Amen
One thought on “The Compliant Person and Regret”
God is so good, thankfully He is leading me back to my First Love after years of wandering in the desert of regret, disappointment and despair. Your words spoke to my heart, God’s truth. A message of encouragement and the reality of His blessings found in His sovereignty and how it can be applied to my life. Thank you Christine for words of wisdom from your post and your songs!! A grateful sister and follower of Christ!!