For the LORD will not abandon His people, nor will He forsake His inheritance. For judgment will again be righteous, and all the upright in heart will follow it. Psalm 94:14-15
The kindest thing God did in my forties was give me the choice to cooperate with Him in the dismantling of my internal world. At the time, it was painful to examine it all in the disassembly. Most of my belief system was taken apart. When I looked at the pieces, I discovered that my foundation was built on sheer grit, framed with impossible expectations, and nailed together with anger and loneliness.
Starting as a teenager, I asked God to change me and make me into someone beautiful. I didn’t realize that God doesn’t do remodels. Instead, He burns what is not holy in the fire and starts from scratch. No one who has their dross consumed in the fire of His Spirit says they enjoy the experience. It always feels like death. Only afterwards do each of us discover that the God-inflicted wounds are life-giving. This is what it means to be dead to sin and alive to God.
Is God cruel to do whatever is necessary to make me holy? At times, I thought so. But I look at it this way ~ If I were of no value to Him, He wouldn’t care whether or not I discovered the abundant life. He’d shrug off misgivings and leave me to continue in my self-destructive patterns. But He does care. So much so, that He became sin so that I could be righteous. The way to redemption follows the same pattern of Jesus’ life. First, there’s Death. Then, burial. And finally, resurrection
The bigger picture? He’s preparing me for the new Earth and for the restoration of Eden. The sanctification process happens now, not later. He appraises my inner world, talks to me about what He finds, and then slowly builds a new person from scratch. He doesn’t examine me in order to condemn – He examines to cure. I am taught how to think, feel, and live as a Daughter of Promise. None of this comes naturally. The way feels foreign but it doesn’t take long for me to discover that because lives Jesus in me, I am transfigured into the real me. An orphan becomes the daughter. I am emerging as the person He dreamed of so long ago before the foundation of the world.
I am not afraid of my sin. You’re a Savior – and have a plan. Why would I ever be shy of you when you lead me from death to life! Amen