But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalm 131:2
When a mother weans her child, she has to deny him what he wants and then comfort him when he can’t have it. She weans him because it is necessary for his growth into a new phase of life. She appears cruel to the child but nonetheless, he has no one to turn to but her for consolation. She loves him so she persists in the training yet she also mourns over the pain she causes him.
So it is with God. When things don’t feel right, when my heart is churning, when I’m tired of waiting, when I don’t have what I believe I need, when my long standing wound doesn’t appear to be any less severe, when I’m sick of myself, when I want what I want, then it takes great grace to dig deeply and will my soul to be quiet. It takes even more grace to run to the One who could fix everything that plagues me in an instant but doesn’t. I could be tormented about why He restrains Himself, why He withholds, yet I need Him to comfort me as I wrestle with ability to trust Him. Satan would tell me that I trust in vain. The counterfeit comfort he offers appeals and so the battle rages on.
This is the angst of anyone who has been, or is, angry with God. If I turn away from Him in response, then who do I run to for help? This faith walk is not easy. “Jesus Loves Me” becomes the most foundational song of my life as I remember that all God’s dealings with me are rooted in love. When every fiber of my being says that He must not love me ~ I get up on my shaky legs of faith and declare what I know to be true ~ only because He said it was true. He loves me. Oh, how He loves me.
When my inside world feels as tumultuous as a storm, what mighty force will calm the sea of my emotions? Grace. My Father never withholds the grace that I need. Though I may want for earthly comforts, His love and grace are limitless.
I’m fretting. My soul is white noise. But I’m reaching my arms up. In Jesus’ name, Amen