“Before a word is on my tongue, You know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:2
Hem – To confine, secure, bind up and enclose.
Oh Lord, I feel trapped? Things feel wild and out of control but I know You are sovereign. You could easily make a way out but You haven’t yet. Oh, I am afraid that my honest thoughts have not yet become words. Perhaps I’m hiding accusations against You. I think I’ve been scared to let You know what I’m feeling.
But You already know. If I don’t trust You, show me and give me the strength to admit it. If I don’t believe You love me, give me the courage to ask You. If I am angry with You because my discomfort has gone on so long, give me the guts to face my rage. This fire is hot and the dross of my heart is rising to the top. Is this the fruit of suffering? To unearth hidden sin and bad theology?
Today, I will be like David. I will admit my fears, my anger, my sins against You. But I will also say, ‘Who do I have besides You?’ I feel You have afflicted me and confined me, but I will offer my praise. You do all things well. Even though I don’t understand why my deliverance is taking so long, You know the reason. Though I feel trapped and am tempted to panic, I remember that with You, there is no such thing as trapped. I will make my heart defer to Your truth. For You make roadways in the wilderness and streams in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19) With mustard size faith, I thank you for my confinement for it has exposed my sinful heart.
‘If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.’ Psalm 139:9-10