Reaching But Never Grasping


For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Romans 7:19

Body, soul, and spirit are so connected.  My spirit is often willing, even eager, to walk as Jesus walked but that is difficult when issues of body and soul enter the picture.  I remember walking around a lake near my house one morning with our dog, Freska.  It was a beautiful Spring day, the kind I love.  No humidity.  Seventy degrees.  A faint breeze.  I was rested and relaxed.  I remember saying to the Lord, out loud, “I feel like I could take on anything for the kingdom today.” Immediately I heard in my spirit, “Be careful, Christine!  Your sense of balance is precarious.”

What He meant by that is this ~ What I want to do in my spirit becomes a challenge when my body is ill, or fatigued. If I had the flu, I probably wouldn’t have said it.  It is also a challenge when my soul is hurting.  If I were grieving, in the midst of personal disappointment, I would have been consumed with that and probably not even noticed the beautiful day.

So much goes into committing, or refraining from, evil.  As long as I live in a mortal body, on foreign soil, with sinful people, I will be imperfect.  Glorified bodies with glorified appetites will be a thing I long for, not yet experience.

How can I hope to cope with all the dynamics of personal challenges to holiness?  Grace.  God’s extravagant grace.  It is poured out moment by moment as I express need.  Need comes from self-awareness and a willingness to live in the grief, and the anticipation, of the ‘not yet’.

I get so frustrated with myself sometimes.  That’s what Your grace is for.  Thank you for living in the trenches with me.  Amen


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