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All the wealth that God has taken away from our father belongs to us and to our children. Now then, whatever God has said to you, do.” Genesis 31:16

Should Jacob leave Laban’s household, take his two daughters (Jacob’s wives), and go back to his home country? A huge decision. Yes, he had been betrayed by Laban but betrayal is not always a cause for fleeing.

It is my experience that discerning God’s will involves many steps. It requires the discernment to recognize the signs that only come by asking God for them. How did Jacob know it was time to leave?

Griffith Thomas, a Welsh theologian of the late 1800’s, pointed out in his writings several principles for discerning God’s will and he used Jacob’s story to make his point.

1. Jacob had a desire to leave. (Genesis 30:25) When I walk closely with God, my desires are shaped by my time with Him and the Word changing my appetites. God longs to give me the desires of my heart yet I can often think my desire, whatever it is, must be squashed.
2. Circumstances necessitated a change of some sort. It has been my experience that God will cause things to close in around me, making going forward in that particular place impossible. That is usually a sign it’s time to do something else.
3. God’s word came strongly to him. I must ask God to speak and give me the ears and eyes to recognize His voice. It might be through the Word itself, someone else’s advice, or through a dream. God is most creative.
4. Finally, there was confirming support from his wives, despite their natural ties to their father. Here is the place where families are fractured. A man is called to go overseas and just feels like he has God’s blessing if he just mandates that to his family. He doesn’t give them time to pray and seek God. He doesn’t pray with them and ask God to also give them the same desire. He forces the move prematurely. God’s Spirit moves over families, not just heads of households.

I have found all these steps to be true. I just admit that, at times, I don’t know why God doesn’t make it easier. I can believe it was easier for the patriarchs. God spoke audibly to them and told them where to go and what to do. Ah, but they didn’t have the Spirit of God inside, nudging, whispering, compelling, and emotionally reacting. For every one of you today who is making a life-changing decision, I am praying for you.

Lord, confirm Your Word to your servant. Don’t let them walk into trouble. Bind their mind to You and loose their mind from self-made plans and deception. Stir up holy desire. Shut the mouth of their enemy who would skew the signs. Let confirmations come today; nothing deterring them. Amen

Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah into the field where his flock was and said to them, “I see that your father does not regard me with favor as he did before. But the God of my father has been with me. You know that I have served your father with all my strength, yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. Genesis 31:4-7

Marriages suffer because couples can’t talk honestly about their parents. This part of Jacob’s story offers the perfect example. 

Jacob had tough news to tell his wives when he had to disclose that their father had cheated him 10x his wages. He didn’t know if they would be defensive. And when he told them it was time to leave home and head for a foreign land named Canaan, how would they handle that?

There comes a point in all our lives when God calls us to see the truth about family. I am to embrace the good, acknowledge the bad, and cling to God for grace as I grieve and make different choices. I am to love God more than family and love truth more than I love my ‘family’s way of doing things.’  I am asked to face the truth of my family as God sees it and then step out to live as God’s child. Sometimes, a person risks being the only one in their family who is willing to live sanctified, that is, to live set apart from the mainstream.  God’s fatherhood and the ways of the kingdom trump what is unholy, even when it means being different from my flesh and blood.

There is a wise way, and an unwise way, to talk to our spouses about their parents. Bitterness will affect our tone and the outcome will be unfortunate.  Legitimate complaints will be disregarded because our words are too vicious. Every conversation like this needs prayer before the subject is broached because ‘blood is thicker than water.’ It’s hard to hear someone else, even if it’s a spouse, talk about parents and siblings and not immediately think, ‘How dare you!’

Rachel and Leah heard Jacob’s account of Laban’s treacherous ways. Miraculously, they both believed him and were able to see the truth of their father’s sin. 

Few scriptures are more well-known that this one. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”Never is this truer than when I see my family as God sees them. When I own the truth of my origins, endless spiritual possibilities open before me.

How long it took for me to see the faults of the family I love; even longer to see my own faults. Thank you for not giving up and continuing to bring the truth before my eyes. Amen

Thus [Jacob] increased greatly and had large flocks, female servants and male servants, and camels and donkeys. Now Jacob heard that the sons of Laban were saying, “Jacob has taken all that was our father’s, and from what was our father’s he has gained all this wealth.” And Jacob saw that Laban did not regard him with favor as before. Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, and I will be with you.” Genesis 31:1-3

Laban set up Jacob to fail. He stole some of his spotted and striped animals and hid them with his own son’s flocks to mate them. He would then accuse Jacob of stealing. When God prospered Jacob anyway, all pretenses of love and friendship Laban had exhibited dissolved. No longer able to hide his true feelings, he hurled some accusations and things became adversarial.

God did not tell Jacob to repair the relationship. He told him to leave and to return to the land of his father. God released Him with His blessing.

Time in Laban’s household was a spiritual school. Jacob faced the consequences of his past sins and bore up well under divine discipline. He gave his conniving father-in-law every opportunity to prosper and embrace Yahweh. In the end, Laban’s true character rose to the surface. What had been veiled for over a decade was exposed when issues of greed, which was Laban’s stronghold, pushed him to the limit. It was clear that Laban was not going to change so God released Jacob to leave.

There are relationships that are tolerable for a while, sometimes a long while. Others perceive harmony but you know that beneath the surface, you are dealing with an adversary, not a friend.   You may be in ministry with this person, or work for him. God has not released you to leave, and you are straining under the pretense. Jacob’s story is a firsthand illustration that if we do what is right and bear up well under the pressure of unfairness, there will be a graduation day. Some issue will cause everything to blow up. What is hidden now will become clear for all to see and God will use their sin to release us to our next appointment.

For now, it can seem like you’re trapped. There is no such thing as ‘trapped’ in God’s purposes. Things might be uncomfortable, even excruciating. Your pride may be assaulted daily. Your coping ability might be pushed to the limits. Cling to God and allow this to strengthen your spiritual muscles of faith. One grand morning, God may just say, “Well done! Move on!”

I’ve experienced some oppressive relationships. They seemed endless. You taught me so much about my adversary and about myself. I remember how I felt when you said, “Move!” Oh Lord, You are a Deliverer! Amen

Laban said, “Good! Let it be as you have said.” [But] he set a three days’ journey between himself and Jacob and Jacob pastured the rest of Laban’s flock. Genesis 30:34,36

Laban’s view of Jacob was very limited. He did not know the struggles of the first three decades of Jacob’s life. All he saw was the blessing of God on Jacob during those seven years. Everything Jacob touched prospered. So when Jacob offered to take the least amount of the flocks (the striped, spotted, and black), it sounded like a great deal to Laban.  But then misgivings set in. Though Laban understood that he had the advantage on paper, he had also witnessed God’s blessing on Jacob. He knew that, somehow, Jacob would prosper. Scheming ensued to ensure Jacob would remain the disadvantaged party in the deal.

All of us have looked at the life of someone God blesses and witnessed firsthand how God takes whatever little they have in their hands and produces abundance. Jealousy can set in.  Human nature delights to find flaws in their character, and in their family, and then it’s tempting to tell others that they are not so perfect. Such are the compulsions of our flesh without God.

Laban’s issue was with God, not with Jacob. If he felt second-rate, it was not Jacob’s fault. Since Laban didn’t even acknowledge Yahweh, he had no way to cope spiritually with the seeming inequity except to take matters into his own hands.

I remember visiting a church where there had been divine healing of a young man’s cancer. After being prayed for, the tumor disappeared. His testimony was shared with the congregation and praise erupted. Next to me was an acquaintance who was battling brain and breast cancer. Healing prayers had also been prayed for her, but God had not done for her what he did for the young man. Though she clapped and celebrated his good news, I wonder if there was a brief struggle in her soul. That would be an understandable stumbling block.

If you are in painful times today and your trust in God is shaken by another’s blessing, press through your anger to seek God. Looking at others’ lives through momentary lenses is dangerous.

Help our unbelief. We often despair that your plans for others are good — but we are excluded from them. Time proves otherwise but help us trust You before we have such divine eyesight. Amen

For you had little before I came, and it has increased abundantly, and the Lord has blessed you wherever I turned. But now when shall I provide for my own household also?” Genesis 30:30

When you have a gift that greatly benefits others, it will be in high demand. It can feel as if the gift is both a blessing and a curse. It’s hard to tell who your real friends are. You’re popular, yes, but is it because of your gift or because of the person you are?

Jacob had God’s blessing. Everything he touched of Laban’s prospered. It is no surprise that the gift Jacob gave of seven years of labor turned into a kind of slavery. Laban had no intention of letting Jacob go. At this point though, it was time to think about his own family’s provision. Their future was at stake.

In the generation before me, this was the philosophy of ministry: Give everything to ministry and God will take care of your family. As a teenager, I got to personally witness ministry families. Fathers would take off for weeks, sometime for months. Mothers raised the children. To this day, I see the fallout from children who lived in a fatherless environment.

It is easy to give your gift where it is appreciated. Ministry can be an aphrodisiac and all the while, the family suffers. Is today the day when you should go home? You simply can’t ignore the needs at home any longer. It won’t be easy to put your family first. Initially, their anger will be center stage over your absence. Persevere. Humbly ask for forgiveness and prove, with time, that you are sincere.

I’ve been in ministry for 45 years. There were periods when it was addicting.  I got to know myself and realized I needed to turn down some great invitations in exchange for putting my family first. Believe me, I haven’t always gotten it right. One night in Canada some years ago, God brought a woman to me who offered this prophetic word. “Go home and cultivate faithfulness.” The spirit of conviction burned through my soul. I made some course corrections. Ultimately, everything I do is for the glory of God and that often means saying no to others and yes to a spouse or child.

Families are falling apart. The window of time to repair it is short. Show all of us who read this today how it applies. Amen

As soon as Rachel had borne Joseph, Jacob said to Laban, “Send me away, that I may go to my own home and country. But Laban said to him, “If I have found favor in your sight, I have learned by divination that the Lord has blessed me because of you. Name your wages, and I will give it.” Genesis 30:25,27-28

God’s blessing over a group of people often comes with a person. A righteous mother or father brings God’s favor upon their household. Remove that person however, and things change. The glory of God leaves. Whatever spiritual veneer was there is removed and the true spirituality of the people who are left is revealed. God’s servant kept a lid on things by their very presence.

Laban knew that God had blessed his family when Jacob arrived. The thought of Jacob leaving must have sent panic through Laban’s heart. What about the prosperity he enjoyed? Would it end? In most cases, it does.

My mother died when I was thirty. She had always been a quiet strength in our home. She was also a presence of restraint. We loved her so deeply that we sat on inappropriate comments and angry outbursts. Her death, however, changed everything. The cancer of family dysfunction surfaced after she was gone. What was hidden by her presence was revealed slowly over time. It became clearer to me why God took her home.

Have you heard people express their angst with God over why He appears to take the good people home and leave the unrighteous to affect the earth? Perhaps you’ve said goodbye to a saint in your family. You believe they died before their time. Everything seemed to fall apart without them.

And fall apart it should if there are things hidden that need to be revealed! God gives each person, and each family, a window of time to deal with their issues. Insight and understanding are theirs for a short time only. This is their chance to humbly deal with their sin, and their past hurts, and draw near to God for forgiveness and change. If a person chooses spiritual blindness and rebellion, God often closes the door of opportunity and gives them over to a hardened heart. I’ve seen it over and over.

Ifyou are the righteous one about to leave people you care about; family, business, church, etc…. know that God will use your absence for their good. Pray for them. You’ve been a light but now it’s time to see if they will seek the Light without you.

Bring Your Spirit of revival to those who are not yet on their knees. Amen

Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb. She conceived and bore a son and said, “God has taken away my reproach.” Genesis 30:22-23

To be barren in Rachel’s culture was to live as one scorned. Barrenness was believed to be a curse, and as one cursed, you were an embarrassment to your husband. This time of disgrace wasn’t a short season for Rachel. While she languished under her veil of shame, Leah, Jacob’s other wife, bore him six children. At one point Rachel turned to an aphrodisiac to boost fertility but that proved ineffective.

Why do seasons of shame and disgrace often span a decade or two? They don’t usually last a year. God appears to be out of the picture completely ignoring the oppressed. While none of us can know the full mind of God, the stories of those like Rachel, Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth give great clues as to God’s purposes. When a wilderness marks a large portion of someone’s life, is God in the process of redemption? The answer is always yes. For Rachel, I believe it was for her to know that God was her miracle worker, her provider. Had she easily born Jacob’s children, she wouldn’t have given a second thought to things like faith and prayer. When she finally did give birth to Joseph, she credited the Lord, not the power of the mandrakes.

I have known seasons of affliction. None of them were short. While precious spiritual things prevailed at the end, the beginnings and middle of these seasons were pretty ugly. I had no clue how to navigate the years.

You may be living in an atmosphere of disgrace. Perhaps you are not the child your parents wanted. Maybe you are not the wife your spouse thinks you should be. How do you survive?  Well, God wants to change the heart of your scorner, and he will if they are willing. Many, however, live and die without knowing how to love. Hear this, however! Your survival doesn’t depend on them. It depends on God.  Living in the shelter of His wings so that His whispers are palpable is the only security against the barrage of comments coming from the other side of the room. God is your Lover and Sustainer.

I lift each person who is reading this up to You as a small child. Break through the fog of pain to bathe them in Your presence. Amen

In the days of wheat harvest Reuben went and found mandrakes in the field and brought them to his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.” But she said to her, “Is it a small matter that you have taken away my husband? Would you take away my son’s mandrakes also?” Genesis 30:14

Is there someone near you who has everything you want? You’ve kept your distance because being anywhere near them is too painful. Now, in what seems like a cruel joke, they’ve been blessed yet again with something that would be lifesaving to you but it’s in their hands, notyours. You consider what it might look like to swallow your pride enough to beg.

Such was the story of Leah and Rachel. Leah bore Jacob many sons. Rachel had none.  This was more than agonizing for her. To add fuel to the fire, Leah’s son came in from the field with mandrakes – a plant believed to have properties that cured barrenness. Rachel was willing to do anything at this point to have children – even if it meant asking Leah for her son’s mandrakes.

When I believe that my fate lies outside of God’s providence, I just may do the unthinkable.  I’ll assume a false posture of friendship to win over my enemy, the one whom I believe is the key to moving forward. If I ask this person outright for what they have, they probably won’t share but if I pretend to be their friend and come bearing compliments, they may succumb.

Maybe you are in a desperate place today because someone who has little heart for you possesses the very thing you need. If I’m in a situation similar to Rachel’s, what do I do?  This is when it’s time to rest in life-saving theology. 

• It is not up to my ingenuity to secure my future.
• The timing of my blessing and the length of my wilderness is in God’s trustworthy hands.
• Internal blessings are always mine even though externals are temporarily non-existent.  

When another has what I think I need, I must remember that God has what I need. When He gives it, there will be a celebration of His glory. But, if I force someone else to give it by prying his hands open, the party is hollow.

I know, Lord, that the test of your character in me is what I will or won’t do when I’m desperate.  Your grace is powerful enough in those moments to hold me fast.  Amen

When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?” Genesis 30:1-2

Jacob was in a tough spot. Rachel, the one wife he loved most was barren while the other bore him three sons to win his favor. There was no part of this story that worked well for anyone, except for Laban who benefitted two decades from Jacob’s work.

Rachel pleaded with him to do something about her barrenness. “Give me children, or I shall die!” Is there anything more tormenting than to be expected to provide something when you it’s not in your power to do so? People often look to others to give what is only supernaturally possible. It happens every day. The one who feels the pressure to play God is the one who feels the most desperate.

For three decades, I was unaware that I had the freedom to say no to what was asked of me. As a performer, I agreed to do all that was expected.  A good bit of what was asked was voiced with no regard for what was appropriate for a teenager or young adult. Feeling like I had to say yes to prove myself, my self-talk sounded like this. “I have to do this ~ but I can’t! But I have to!” The torment escalated as the performance time approached. When my name was announced, I flipped a switch, went out, and just did it. In my thirties, I assessed the damage. If I had it to do over again, I would have learned my limits and then expressed them but that wasn’t modeled for me to have learned it organically. 

Are others looking to you to do what is humanly impossible? Oh, the freedom of setting limits.  Here’s what I’m learning.  Freedom from another’s demands requires a willingness to abdicate from playing the part of God.  Pride resists it.  Humility relinquishes it.

I have nothing to prove.  I am complete in You.  Amen

And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me.” She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. Again she conceived and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Genesis 29:32-34

Leah is in an arranged marriage and is desperate for love. She believes that if she does just the right things, her husband will love her. Every son that she delivers, she believes will earn her the affection she craves.

In this case however, Jacob never dangled the carrot of approval. He never said to her, “If you give me three sons, my heart is yours.” But many do make false promises and have no intention of keeping them. There is no hurt like the hurt that comes after broken promises. Yet, there’s something in us that keeps trying.

We all want unconditional love. We’re born that way. The only person who offers it without us having to do anything to earn it is God. But because we can’t see Him, and because we can see all the counterfeits that make us feel good, we’ll trade God in for something cheap.  Sometimes we’ll transfer all our needs to another human being, and sometimes, to a deeply fallen one who has a history of promising love that never materializes.  We’ll keep trying when we see this person loving someone else quite well. We believe that this love can also be ours.

Leah saw the light in Jacob’s eyes for Rachel. She saw the joy with which he labored for seven years without a thought for the sacrifice. She saw that he was a good man, an unselfish man, with a huge heart. It was natural for her to believe that she would earn the favor of a man like this.

Whose love are you trying to win today? How many years have you tirelessly performed, believing that there will be payoff? Whether the love you seek comes from a pretty good man like Jacob or a godless trickster, the likes of whom will break another’s heart easily, the lesson is the same. Unconditional love apart from God is an empty pursuit.

It is possible to love the one who has been an idol. Love will be expressed as an outpouring of the love you enjoy in God. The payoffs are these: 1.) You will know unconditional love and be at peace because of what God offers. And, 2.) You will no longer live handicapped because someone withholds what you believe you need to survive.

Wean me off any idolatrous relationship. Amen