Ill-fitted Overcoat Of Shame

Published on by Christine Wyrtzen1 Comment

Take away from me scorn and contempt, for I have kept your testimonies.  Psalm 119:22

When I am taunted and despised, the shame that was inflicted invites me to own it, to wear it like it belongs to me.  The only One who can remove the ill-fitted overcoat is God.

To hold one in contempt, in the Greek, is to dismiss that person as if they had little value.  It’s hard to speak up in a family if you perceive that whatever you offer will be dismissed by a casual wave of the hand.  It’s difficult to offer suggestions in a meeting when you know that whatever you say will be the topic of ridicule.  Does that mean that I shouldn’t speak?

The hard answer to that is “no”.  I should speak when God prompts me to speak.  It’s true that when I offer a kingdom principle to a group that considers God’s ways to be foolish, I invite rejection.  Yet, that didn’t stop Jesus.  Every time I use my mouth the way He used His, I set myself up for the same controversy, the same taunts, and the same rejection.

The real issue is ~ where do I go to heal?  Perhaps already today you’ve been the object of scorn.  You’ve put on the familiar overcoat of shame.  It’s grey, drab, and hangs off your shoulders like a fifty pound weight.  Who understands?  The one who has already walked this road of rejection.  Because Jesus prompted you to speak, He will speak to the hurts that you suffered because of it.

When all is said and done at the end of the day, I lay my head down on the pillow and talk with Jesus about my day.  He sees where I’m bleeding and speaks truth to the places where I’m about to nurture dead end lies.  In the stillness, the soothing sound of His voice invites me to cast off the shame and stand in the warmth of His light.  Daily, I am healed.

Lord, Your Word mends all frayed edges.  Thank you.  Amen

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Understanding Anger

Published on by Christine Wyrtzen1 Comment

My zeal consumes me, because my foes forget your words.  Psalm 119:139

David’s definition of anger as “a zeal that consumes” is a good one.  Jesus said something similar when he turned over the tables in the temple and sent coins flying.  “Zeal for your house has consumed me.” His anger was hot, not because they had wronged Him, but because His Father’s glory was spurned.  Respect for God’s temple was absent and acts of worship were handled with a lack of integrity.

Back to David.  His zeal was engaged, not because he was personally wronged, but because God’s Word was forgotten.  This is a holy man.  He was, as Jesus was, more offended for God than for himself.

Do I ever have this reaction?   When I am lied to, am I offended for God because His law was broken?  Or, am I hurt because someone intentionally deceived me and trust was violated?  When my child speaks disrespectfully to me, do I grieve on account of the spiritual danger my child faces because of his lack for spiritual authority?  Or am I upset because my own power and authority was questioned?

A sin against anyone is a sin against God but how often do I hurt for God’s broken heart?  When the sin is against me, I can be so self-centered that my tears are only for myself.  As God helps me work my way through the hurt, I will eventually discover His heavy heart.

Sin is rampant.  God’s law is trampled upon.  I just had to open my browser and see the headlines this morning to get fresh evidence.  God is hurting over the betrayal of His creation.  Will my comfort make a dent?  Is God really touched by my soothing words?  Yes.  Jesus was God in the flesh and on the eve of His arrest, He asked for His disciple’s companionship in prayer.  He admitted what He needed from them but they didn’t come through.

Though God doesn’t need my comfort to gain strength or feel validated, He is still moved by it.  The next time someone uses God’s name to curse me out, I will tell God that I’m sorry.

My anger is often engaged, but not for the right reasons.  I want to feel what you feel and see beyond my own pride.  Amen

Dealing With Age-Old Defaults

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Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law.  Psalm 119:28

It’s so easy for me to live by my own set of defaults.  My behavior has been shaped by my environment and genetics.  However, even though I’m prone to do my own thing without an afterthought, I have a gracious teacher who stretches me to embrace new beliefs and behaviors.

When I was young, I picked up ways of coping with my life that work for me.  I learned these patterns from watching my parents and other adults in my life.  They became my defaults.  “That’s the way we do things in our family…” is a defensive tip-off that a default behavior is in play.  Or, “That’s just me.  That’s what I do when…..”

God is all about replacing my defaults (false ways according to David) with new kingdom strategies.  Who is the teacher?  The Holy Spirit.  He gently and graciously exposes each false way as I interact with His word, and then shows me God’s choice for that situation.  I may be called to speak when, by default, I would have been silent.  I may be called to be silent when, by default, I would have run my mouth.  I may be called to be the only one in my family to make a different choice when, by default, I’ve always been a conformist.  I may be called to live in harmony when, by default, I’ve been a wild horse who insisted on acting independently.

The Holy Spirit is not mean-faced or punitive.  He is cajoling, patient, and encouraging, even when learning a new way takes a long time.  I’ve learned that it’s unrealistic to think that I can undo decades of defaults overnight.  It will be trial and error, walking into a new truth a step at a time.  While learning it, I may not feel I’m moving very fast either.  I can become my own harsh teacher, replacing the kind words of the Spirit with my own condemning messages.

The question I ask myself today is not “How far have you come?”  It’s this ~ “Am I on the path of abandoning false ways and listening to my teacher?”  If yes, even a snails pace fueled by a good faith effort is the pace that is pleasing to God.

I will be abandoning defaults until the day I die.  I always want to hear Your voice above my predecessors.   Amen

Counseling Always Nearby

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Your testimonies are my delight, they are my counselors.  Psalm 119:24

God’s Word is a reliable voice in my ear, guiding me in directions that will never come back to bite me.  Ask three people for advice and you could get three different answers.  That creates an ultimate dilemma.  But God will always be consistent, stunningly simple, and facilitate success when I obey.

When I am sad, God’s Word comforts me.  When I am angry, His word helps me understand what my anger is really covering up.  When I am exasperated, His Word gives me purpose while I learn to wait.  When I feel guilty, His Word tells me whether or not my guilt is justified or I have fallen prey to the accuser.  When I feel betrayed, His Word helps me grieve, then forgive.  When I feel I’m out of options, His Word smashes the notion that I’m trapped.

God’s Spirit is the counselor.  Just like a loving dad might put an arm around my shoulders when I’m tired and say, “Rest, Christine.  God is not challenged in the least by your mountain”, the Spirit of God whispers the same thing.  My role is to be still long enough to allow His voice to be heard above the noise of my world and the self-talk of my inner turmoil.  He loves to teach and comfort His children.

I could have saved myself many years of counseling if only I had understood You.  Now, we are connected, Lord.  I depend on You every day for every word I need.  Amen

When We Cry Out For Understanding

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Let my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word!  Let my plea come before you; deliver me according to your word.  Psalm 119:169-170

‘Give me understanding’ ~ to have skill with concepts and to perceive with accuracy.

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There are times each of us must make huge decisions.  We might know in our spirits that something doesn’t feel right about our current situation.  The weight of indecision is crushing at times.  We can find elements that appear to be righteous but are they a smokescreen?  We also know that the evil one is good at masking what is unholy, skewing our discernment. 

So, we cry out to God for understanding.  We want to come to a divine realization about what is really going on.  We desire to be skillful with the concepts of the kingdom to diagnose things correctly.  We need to perceive what is in front of our eyes with God’s wisdom.  Only He can help us see behind all the posturing and pretension.

We can be grateful beyond words that each of our cries are not made in vain.  They do not dissipate into thin air.  They come directly to God’s throne, and He listens compassionately.  He is vested in every care that concerns us.  He loves the prayers of His children.  He takes pleasure in answering and giving wisdom to those who seek it.  Today, we are the seekers, and we are the ones pleading for deliverance from what is elusive and obscure. 

God will let the truth come forth as arrows coming to our heart.  He will answer our prayers and we will rejoice in the relief that truth brings.  The stress of indecision will melt away.  God will put an end to the wrestling that has plagued us day and night.  He will bring deliverance and then give us the courage to act on whatever truth He reveals.  We can be bold because we stand as ones who are loved in His presence. All because of Jesus.  

Let our souls live and praise You, and let Your rules help us.  Psalm 119:17 Amen

Triggers

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But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand.  Psalm 31:14-15

Anyone who has struggled with an anxiety issue knows how crippling it can be. Something triggers it, and that ‘thing’ is different for everyone. It can be a fear of the dark, or something more defined and unique, like a creaking of the floor outside a closed door, a thunderstorm, or a dreaded car coming up the driveway. 

As a 14-year-old teenager, I was performing music in very stressful situations where I wasn’t given the time to prepare adequately. An hour before going on stage, five or six pieces of music were handed to me. Almost none of them involved sight-reading, as that would have been far easier. Instead, they all had to be improvised ~ looking at each one briefly, then transposing it, modulating to other keys at some point, as well as having to craft an intro, interlude, and ending. I wouldn’t be performing them before a group of 50 but for audiences of 3,000 – 5,000. While backstage, I became obsessed with looking at my watch.  The stress mounted as time progressed. My inner dialogue sounded like this. 

“I have thirty minutes before I have to walk onstage.” 

“Oh no, now it’s only fifteen.” 

“I’m not ready. But I have to be!” 

“But I can’t do this. I’m trapped.” 

“Pull yourself together, Christine!” 

I would hear my name being announced and would flip a switch in my head before walking out. I felt like Job when he said, “That which I feared has come upon me.” 

How creative God is when called upon to heal complicated issues such as these. In my thirties and early forties, I faced triggers related to these memories.  Anxiety crippled me. But God’s healing was creative and personal. His healing was unlimited and love driven. His plan to heal existed long before the original events happened. 

He is a God of intervention, not a God of passivity. Though life can catch up to us and momentarily pin us to the ground, God has already been to those events. Under His wings, there is an intimate cocoon where He and His child can step out of time and rebuild what was shattered so long ago.

Thank you for giving me wings out of confinement. Amen

When I Am Alive To God

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Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Psalm 4:23

If Christ lives in me, I have full access to Him; everything that He is and everything that He has promised to give to me. He withholds none of it. He plays no games. I am not used for sport. He is not emotionally unavailable. He does not make me earn His approval. As my Savior, He opens His heart and lets me in without restrictions. This level of intimacy is to extend in both directions. I have been given full access to Him and He wants full access to me.

You’re familiar with the term, “He’s dead to me.” It is usually spoken by one family member regarding a relationship he has with another member of the family. One, or both, has declared the relationship over. Access is denied. The time for reaching out has passed. The heart is closed. This, unfortunately, can describe some of the dynamics that are in place between us and God. Oh, this should not be. 

If I am alive to God, His voice quickens a response inside of me.

If I am alive to God, His feelings about me matter.

If I am alive to God, His promises are lifelines, and His warnings are heeded.

If I am alive to God, His words are a rudder for how I approach everything.

If I am alive to God, whatever causes me to be distrustful of Him is addressed immediately.

If I am alive to God, I won’t hide in corners.

If I am alive to God, I won’t withhold expressions of love and worship.

There are times I have felt estranged from God, not because He went away from me but because my own heart was in a bad place, and I pulled back from Him. Even though God was near, I made myself numb to His impact. Ah, but when I am alive to Him, how different it feels. The contrast is exhilarating as I relax in perfect holiness.

 Lord, I will stay alert so that no one, and nothing, can try to shut down my heart or even numb it. I will keep it with all vigilance. Amen

The Anointed One Anoints Me

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You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.  Psalm 23:5b

This Psalm is more than just poetry.  I am invited to picture walking in green pastures.  I am encouraged to see Jesus with his staff, guiding and protecting me.  I am urged to behold a banquet table laden with delicacies prepared by God’s own hand.  I am even invited to perceive God’s enemies looking on from afar.  I am comforted that they have no access to this holy moment. 

And then, there’s the anointing.  As I anticipate it, I think of another anointing by water when Jesus was baptized.  John the Baptist was breathless with wonder.  He was about to lower the Lamb of God beneath the surface of the river Jordan.  Time stood still, and this holy act unfolded in slow motion.  Jesus was submerged, then burst forth.  This only lasted for a moment, but neither was ever the same again. 

I’m told that the Anointed One anoints me. After a sumptuous meal at His table, this is His holy benediction.  He pours oil over my head, and it runs down the side of my face.  “I have called you, and you are mine,” He says.  I am filled to overflowing as His Spirit energizes each word.  The anointing accomplishes its purpose as I am refreshed to live and serve in the power of His Spirit, just like Jesus. 

I leave this holy place in my spirit and enter the wilderness of my life, just as Jesus did.  Oftentimes I am tempted to doubt the love of the One who anointed me, but memories are powerful things. Anytime I want, I can revisit them. I was created with eternity in my heart. My spirit, even at this moment, can feel the impact of this encounter with the Anointed One.  Because the Word of God penetrates the mind, soul, and spirit, the taste of manna and the feel of oil on my skin are real enough to impact me dramatically, to change me, and to sustain me. 

Anointed for service.  Filled to overflowing.  I live today for Your glory.  Amen

Nana’s Big Blue Bowl

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My heart stands in awe of Your words.  I rejoice at Your Word as one who finds a great treasure. Psalm 119:161-162

In the mid-nineties, I dropped by Pier One on the day of their best clearance sale.  I was shopping for a very large salad bowl and went straight to the dinnerware section.  In front of me was a beautiful blue and white bowl.  It was 75% off and a real steal.  I was thrilled and made my purchase.  Years later, I still love it.  The bowl now has quite a history.

I’ve used it to serve a main dish kind of salad when I’ve fed a lot of people at our table.  A salad for twelve people was no problem.   When it wasn’t in use, it was on display.  It graced the middle of our kitchen table. Or, it was placed in the middle of our stove with lights overhead shining down on it.  But most of the time, it sat on the counter with ‘stuff’ in it. Bananas, raisins, good chocolate, nuts, licorice, trail mix, apples, and pears.  Always stocked well and the contents constantly switched up. 

Now, here’s the fun part.  Our family has always headed straight for the bowl whenever they walk into the house.  Adults and kids alike, it’s calling their name.  There’s a quick greeting, ‘Oh hey, Nana!’, and then there’s a collective beeline made for the bowl.

Just say the words ‘blue bowl’ in our house, and everyone feels happy. 

This is not unlike what happens to my spiritual senses when I approach the scriptures on a good day.  When my spiritual hunger is engaged and my need are worn on my sleeve, I can’t wait to mine for gold.  I never know what I’m going to find.  I keep digging until I’m given just the right ‘word’ for the day.  God keeps His word stocked – full of surprises – and loves it when I find the treasure.

I know this is just a foretaste of ‘pleasures forevermore’ that will be waiting for me one day.  When I finish exhaling the earth’s air and inhale celestial air, this will be the moment when my appetite is completely satisfied.

Feed me.  Satisfy my cravings.  Delight me.  In You are pleasures forevermore.  Amen

What Is One Loss Too Many?

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When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?  Psalm 56:3

How long can you keep going under pressure before you give up?  How many losses can you sustain before a particular one seems too much to bear?  The threshold of abdication is different for each of us.  I know someone who lost one of her children to cancer, and she never recovered.  She lives with a perpetual suspension of emotions and is internally numb.

But I know another woman who lost one child in childbirth and another in a custody battle. She lives alone and is essentially childless.  Though she is acquainted with the valley of hopelessness and has flirted with feeling total despair, she leans on God for the grace and grit to get up each day and live.  She is a wise old soul who gives gifts of compassion, advocacy, and wisdom to those who feel that no one fully understands their pain.  She searches for those lost in themselves and is able to look deeply into their eyes, see their soul, and call them out.

Losses don’t just involve death.  There can be the loss of a dream.  The loss of a marriage.  The loss of a friend.  A loss of respect.  A loss of opportunity.  The loss of dreams.  The loss of years.  A loss of health.  Some are irreparable on this side of heaven. 

If what I’m losing, or whom I’m losing, is the center of my world, despair is close by.  But if God is the center of my world, He is the Anchor who promises to hold me together.  He sings over me and the song gives me strength.

There are days I see the edge of an abyss.  Before I fall, catch me and keep me. Amen