My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 23:76

How many times have I described the Lord as ‘all I had left’ – after something of great value was taken away?   “I lost everything and God was all I had.”  Really?  It’s as if the real things of value were removed, leaving me with some stray object, God.

The truth is that I have God plus whatever else I enjoy.  God is my portion.  Housing, food, relationships, employment are all extras.

Have I been in a position when employment was removed and our family lived not knowing where our next meal would come from?  Yes.  Did I believe at the time that the Lord was my portion?  I don’t think my heart was alive enough to Him to internalize that.  However, our family lived in prayer for provision and God was faithful.

Have I been in a position to lose precious relationships, in death and in life?  Yes.  Did I experience God as my portion?  Thankfully, yes.  Some of the losses were so staggering that I don’t think I would have survived mentally and emotionally if God had not strengthened my soul and been my companion.

For anyone to really say, “All I need is God” and mean it, it must be tested in the wilderness of need.  I don’t wish that on anyone nor am I sadistic enough to crave any more wilderness lessons for myself.  However, should they come (and they probably will), each of us has the opportunity to press in to the One who satisfies our soul.

The psalmist who wrote Psalm 119 is full or promises.  His heart pours itself out like a young person in love, making vows for life.  One thing is clear though, he is not starry eyed and inexperienced.  He has suffered.  His proclamations of love are intense because the pain was intense.  His love language is made up of spiritual grit, a grit carved out of faith that was built in hard times.  So is mine if, when tested, I trust and don’t curse.

You are my portion, God.  I promise to keep your words for the days I have left on this earth.  Amen

I will run the path of your commands because you have already widened my heart. Psalm 119:32

I was once turned off by the words ‘command’ and ‘commandments’.  Like everyone, my life had saving thorns. I perceived God as a general who did nothing but bark orders.  His leadership was impersonal and He held the bar very high with no consideration for my strength or aptitude.  Oh, but finally I experienced joy after being led to the truth ~ a truth that was exhilarating.  If Hebrew had been a required subject in the Baptist Church where I attended as a child, I would have fallen in love with a Spiritual Director rather than a military archetype.

‘Command, in Hebrew, means ‘to direct and point the way.’ So, now contemplate the gorgeous expression of discipleship in today’s scripture. Oh Spiritual Director, I will run the paths You have pointed out to me because you have widened my heart to love Your ways.  It says it all, doesn’t it?

Ever had a spiritual director? A mentor?  Perhaps you were in a haze and although you knew the scriptures, you were unclear as to how to apply them. God’s Word was clumsy in your hands because of the complicated circumstances. You needed someone trustworthy to find, and then interpret, God’s directives in the midst of the fog.  How life-saving were the words of your counselor!  Their counsel made God’s path clear.

The Spirit of God is also a mentor.  He gives very specific instructions if I listen carefully. He interprets directions (commands) very uniquely, according to my present dilemma, and then graces me with the desire to follow them.  Though there are myriads of commandments, He feels no confusion about which ones apply to my situation at any given time.  He places a road sign on my pathway that says, “Take this way next, my child.”

Commandments are beacons in the night. Through them, crooked roads are made straight and a steep path becomes level and smooth.  Commands are directions for every critical juncture of life. What kind of divinity cares this much?  A guide, not a drill sergeant. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 31:21

You have change my initial negative reaction every time I saw the word ‘command’.  You have widened my heart to see Your goodness in all Your words.  Thank you for joy!  In Jesus’ name, Amen

Teach me, Oh Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.  Psalm 119:33

God’s instruction is not like sitting in a classroom with thirty other students.  It is not a generic kind of teaching.  It is customized strategically for me; like I was the only student in the room.

The word for teach, in Hebrew, is yara.  One of its meanings is to shoot an arrow.  So, my loving Father understands me through and through.  He made me, knows how I’m wired, knows where I struggle, knows my learning style, and delights to tutor me with customized bits of learning that come like arrows.  They penetrate my heart with such precision that I am stunned by their relevance to my situation and internal makeup.  They just ‘fit’ into the crevices of my heart like each precept was made just for me.

Each concept, taught by the Spirit, feels like putting together a child’s puzzle.  Each piece is big, colorful, and fun to handle.  I can see where it fits perfectly in the rest of the puzzle.  Jesus’ words ring in my ear.  “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  I can finally say that I know this is true because sitting at His feet, as His student, is exhilarating.  With such personalized teaching in a loving environment, who couldn’t thrive!

How can I make the promise to keep His Word to the end?  Only if I am confident of His love and grace to help me.  I know that whatever He asks of me, He will supernaturally enable me to do it.  What He asks is always too hard for me to do without Him but possible to do with Him.  It’s like asking a friend to go with me to do something I’m scared of doing.  I’m nervous about doing it alone.  We both know that the power of two makes bold adventurers.  If I consider that the second person is Jesus, what could possibly frighten me enough to send me into inertia?  Absolutely nothing.

Every morning, I ask that You speak to me with an arrow to my heart.  Precise, strategic, customized, and You do!  You are faithful to wrap my soul in the power of Your spoken words and I can feel the thrill of Your effect on me.  In Jesus’ name, Amen

Save

But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand. Psalm 31:14-15

Anyone who has struggled with an anxiety issue knows how crippling it can be. Something triggers it and that ‘thing’ is different for everyone. It can be a fear of the dark, or something more defined and unique like a creaking of the floor outside a closed door, a thunderstorm, or a dreaded car coming up the driveway. Whatever sounds or smells triggered the original stressful event are the sounds and smells that stay with you for life. None of us are unaware of the PTSD our soldiers suffer from their time overseas. The sound of a balloon popping sounds like gunfire and sparks as much terror as though they were still on the battlefield.

In my thirties and early forties, I faced my own triggers, not by choice but out of necessity. They were performance related. What was the catalyst? The ticking of a clock backstage.

As a 14 year old teenager, I was performing in very stressful situations where I simply wasn’t prepared. An hour before going on stage, music was being thrown at me to perform. Little of it involved just sight-reading. That would have been easier. Most of it was improvisation ~ looking at a piece of music, transposing it, then modulating to other keys while crafting an intro and ending. It was never just one piece of music but five or six for one evening. Three to five thousand people were often attending. While backstage, I watched the clock. It felt like a bomb about to go off. “I have thirty minutes to learn this. Fifteen minutes. Seven minutes. Oh no, I’m not ready. But I have to be!” Then I would hear my name being announced, I would flip a switch in my head and walk out. You get the progression of fear, I’m sure. I felt like Job when he said, “That which I feared has come upon me.”

How creative is God when He is called upon to heal complicated issues? I found out when anxiety crippled me twenty years later. I cancelled concerts due to ‘illness’ but what people never saw was the thirty-year-old woman huddled in a ball on a nearby hotel floor. God came to my rescue. He assured me that He was Lord over the clock and Lord over all time. In fact, He operated outside of time and space and had me in His hands. In the space of several years, performance anxiety was replaced by a joy of knowing that I didn’t take the stage alone. I was not under pressure to perform without supernatural help. (I also learned to say ‘no’.) I gave my mind, memory, talent, and hands to the One who is all-powerful. Currently, I do not suffer from any stage related anxiety at all.  Praise be to God! I can see a clock and not even make a painful association

God’s healing is creative and personal. God’s healing is unlimited and love-driven. God’s healing was conceived long before the painful event ever happened to you or me. He is a God of intervention, not a God of passivity. Though life can catch up to us and momentarily pin us to the ground, God has already visited us here on His heavenly timetable. He has woven an intimate cocoon where He and His child can step out of time and rebuild what was shattered so long ago.

I love You more because of how You love me. I know that’s childish but You knew that’s how it would be. Thank you for giving me wings out of confinement. Amen

 

O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Psalm 4:2

People can trample on beautiful things in my life. I lend someone something very precious but they are careless and break it. I share my good news with someone whom I assume will be joyful over my joy, but it stirs up envy instead.   I announce a spiritual breakthrough with a really good friend but the telling falls flat and I don’t know why.

Family and close friends are turning King David’s honor into shame. His reign, obviously anointed by God, is in jeopardy because of family jealousy. His power hungry son, Absalom, wants to de-throne him. The glory of David’s kingdom is being trampled on. Those once loyal to him are aligning with his handsome, manipulative son. Absalom is preying upon their naiveté with vain words, making promises he cannot keep. He sways them because he’s handsome and most people are gullible around a fast talker. These are the darkest days of David’s life. Though he experienced the treachery of King Saul earlier in his life, the pain of that pales in comparison to the treachery of a son.

Demonic driven ungodliness, resident in Absalom, takes its toll. Because Satan hand-picked Absalom, it doesn’t take long for this son of David to unravel what has been secure. David now lives in inflicted shame. The arrows of character assassinations penetrate his soul. He probably understands that Absalom isn’t working alone. He has the power of hell behind his efforts. Satan’s infiltration into the heart of Absalom has fashioned a formidable foe and perhaps David remembers the same murderous look in the eyes of a once demonized King Saul.

“How long, Lord?” David asked what you may be asking today. You’re waiting. You’re clinging to God’s promises. You’re aching for redemption. You’re longing to see God justice come to pass. You wonder if God is going to allow this adversary to take you down. You feel certain that you will be a spiritual casualty. Hold on! David did resume his throne. Today, God is still on His! Though the plans of your antagonist might appear effective, God is not worried nor is he intimidated. He honors His children in due time and while you wait, He crowns your inside world with peace.

You understand Your earth-bound children. The clock moves slowly. Give us peace beneath the current of the storm as we dive deeper into the resources of You. In Jesus’ name, Amen

 

GETTING TO THE DANCE PART

Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe!  Psalm 150:4

How comfortable are you at the thought of dancing before the Lord?  Our answers will differ according to our denominational affiliation and history.

In scripture though, a ‘dance’ is referenced many more times than the way it is in this Psalm.

For instance, when the creation of the world is described, the interaction between the God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is described as a continual slow dance.  They move within their unity with grace, joy, and precision.  I was also surprised to discover that something the Apostle Paul wrote connects to the idea of a dance.  Here it is.  Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more.  I Thess. 4:12   I miss a lot of the meaning of scripture once it is translated from Greek to English.  Unless I become adept enough in my Bible study skills to do some word studies, I’ll never know I passed over something golden.  So Eugene Peterson, in THE MESSAGE, translates Paul’s verse this way.  “One final word, friends.  We ask you ~ urge you is more like it ~ that you keep on doing what we told you to do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living, spirited dance.” I love this!  Having lived for decades in a religious prison camp, I was overjoyed to discover that there was another way of life in Christ.  Dancing surely describes it.

When I choose to learn a new skill, it seems like it is all work.  It is not natural for me to perform it.  The thinking and coordination it takes to accomplish it can feel daunting.  I fear I’ll never master it.  Practice is the key because once it becomes second nature, the joy kicks in.

So it is with God’s instructions and my obedience.  When I first decided to follow in His footsteps, it was like walking in foreign territory.  It was all struggle on my part; impartation of grace on His.  At some point, the practice began to pay off.  Now, I wear some of His ways like a second skin.  I no longer have to harness every inclination.  I more fully understand the ways of Jesus and find that practice makes them a part of me.

I know, in part, what Peterson speaks of in his paraphrase today.  Oh, to dance with the labor part behind me!  To no longer have to look at my feet and think over every move means that I can close my eyes and enjoy the waltz.

Help me not lose heart today, Lord, over things I’m still learning.  One day, doing it will feel like breathing.  In Jesus’ name, Amen