It doesn’t naturally occur to me to think of God as having a churning heart. His heart aches when He draws us with gentle cords of love only to find us unresponsive. It’s when He offers everything but we are bored and distracted. It’s when our worship fills His ears with collective mumbling.
Have you ever loved someone more than they loved you? Maybe it was your parents. There is a standard narrative in some families. The ones who cause trouble get all the love and attention, while the children who love to please are overlooked. There are few things more painful than to live as a child with arms extended only to be refused.
There have also been many broken engagements because one cared more than the other. Only one of them loved with their whole heart. The other couldn’t generate anything but casual friendship.
And what about marriages where the love in one spouse has grown cold! The other keeps loving, hoping, and dreaming of mutual love re-kindled.
While we will manipulate to get the love we want, God will not. He could, though. He could scare us with a demonstration of His power and extort anything from us that He wanted. But He woos gently and gives us the freedom to choose Him. He gives everything He has and hopes we’ll respond with a love of the same kind ~ a love that abandons all other loves ~ just to have Him.
Tearfully and joyfully, I love You with my life. Amen
Therefore, when we could bear it no longer, we were willing to be left behind in Athens alone, so we sent Timothy to establish you in your faith. I Thess 3:1,2
Paul is writing to a small group of believers in Thessalonica, new converts whom he had brought to faith in Christ. Right after their conversion, he had to flee for his life, and he knew that once he left, they would be persecuted. What would happen if he left them alone? Would they deny their faith? If authorities knocked on their door demanding that they recant or go to jail, would they still believe that the decision they made to embrace Jesus as the Messiah was a good one? Would they be strong enough to handle persecution?
Paul is safe in Athens with Silas and Timothy. But he knows that if he goes back to check on his new converts, he will be killed. His heart aches for them. “When I could bear it no longer…” indicates how worried he is about them.
Has anyone ever worried about you like this? Someone expressing concern for us is not always positive. Overprotective parents who smother their child will ruin future chances for an “Apostle Paul”. The concern of a mentor might feel like a familiar invasion of boundaries. But more often than not, this isn’t our experience. We live in growing isolation inside the church. We put on our best face, take up a spot in a pew, and rarely reveal how tenuous our faith is. No one knows that they should be worried about us. Imagine if, throughout our lifetime, we were used to getting a phone call that began with, “I could endure it no longer without checking on you.” Some will read this today and cry for the want of it.
This is the level of discipleship that pleases God. If your church doesn’t provide that, either be the catalyst to shake up things or find a church where you can be part of a small group that practices true soul care. Life is hard, disappointments are plentiful, and pressures are nearly unbearable. You must be in a place where others look out for you. There is someone out there, like Paul, who longs to stand there with their arm around your shoulder, cheering you on to stand in truth, serving you in faithfulness. And what’s equally true is that there are many who need the same from each of us.
Several weeks ago, I wrote about something that had changed me deeply. Since then, everything has been different and perhaps you’ve sensed it in the writing. If you missed that devotional, here’s the link. It all started when I heard a pastor tell this story.
God called me to start a church within the last decade. We were blessed and were enjoying a congregation of several hundred people. I wanted our ministry to grow, so, every day, I asked God to bring revival. This became the cry of my heart above all other things. I built regular fasts into my schedule and made the focus of each one ~ needed revival for my young church. Two years later, with nothing having changed in the size and spiritual depth of my congregation, I stumbled over unanswered prayer. I asked the Lord during my next fast why He hadn’t answered this when He loves revival, and, I had been so diligent in praying. In the stillness, I heard His answer. “In the last two years of praying for revival, you haven’t once told me you love me.” I fell to my knees. From that day on, I focused on loving Jesus. Prayer was centered around worshipping Jesus. Without intention, my prayer closet traveled from my home to the platform. That was when the power of the Spirit ignited the church. Exponential growth occurred, but the growth has not been, nor is, what is celebrated. I don’t track the growth, focus on it, and manage it. I teach my people to live – loving Jesus, and we are single-minded. We are a people whose passion is the love of the Bridegroom.
Daughters of Promise has been blessed. Its outreach has been built upon years of the slow drip of the Spirit touching one life after another. But with all ministries, the focus of leaders is usually on how to manage it, grow it, and maximize its outreach. It’s on the function and form of it. Over time, programs become templates. Routines can take over. There is a sense of well-being when God blesses. But after hearing this story in September, I realized I was missing the obvious. I was not spending more time loving Jesus than managing the ministry He gave me. I labored in prayer over every decision, often frozen in place, not knowing that if I focused on loving Him, intimacy would take care of the decision. I would know His mind on things ~ where to go and what to do next. My feet would intuitively step onto the right path. No effort.
So much of life can be about proven strategies. I’ll take this job because it’s a good stepping stone to the job I really want to have. I’ll accept this speaking engagement over another because it reaches more people. I’ll teach a Bible Study in the Fall because I have the gift of teaching. Spiritual common sense tricks me and gives me a false sense of knowing what Jesus wants from me. How can I possibly know if we aren’t close?
Over what do you obsess? Over how many things do you ask, ‘What should I do?’ Disengage. Get alone with the Bridegroom and tell Him what you love about Him. Study to know more so that you can love more. Take a walk. Look for the wonder of Him. Talk. Worship. Exclaim. Live with eyes full of tears. Beautiful tears. In the intimacy that grows, you will discover urges and knowings that only come from walking with the Lover of your soul. Questions about life and direction are erased.
P.S. It has taken me three days to write this. I wrote, deleted it, and then started over. Why the struggle? I couldn’t find the words to describe how revolutionary this is. Earlier this morning, my daughter, Jaime, came for a visit. She walked out on our sunporch and asked if I was okay. I had been reading, worshipping, and crying. Tears didn’t stop when she arrived. I explained that I was done in by the beauty of Jesus. We had a wonderful conversation, and she got it. She lives this way, too. So, I’m going to send this and ask the Holy Spirit to fill in the blanks and interpret what words have failed to say.
I love you and am praying for you. If only our hearts could live captivated – captivated as a way of life. How different everything would be.
Lord, through all the generations you have been our home! Psalm 90:1
Why do we sell our souls to get the love we want? Why would we consider prostrating ourselves, promising things we have no right promising, all for the prospect of someone’s affection? As we speak, you may be caring for a parent and realizing the window of time is short for getting the love you’ve always craved. If only you could figure out how to turn their hearts toward you.
These longings aren’t wrong. We were made to belong, to be under the care of someone trustworthy. We dream of sitting in their shade, satiated and content. People may give us a taste of it but God promises to fully satisfy the longing. He encourages us to lose our lives because He knows that if we willingly give them up to Him, we will find real love, real life. And, there’s a bonus ~ if we abdicate our right to a self-proclaimed identity and blend into Jesus, we’ll find that our true selves emerge.
All this goes against the grain of our pride. We don’t want to need anyone that badly. It seems pathetic to a strong ego. But there is a barrier that eclipses even pride. It is fear. I’m afraid that if I open up my heart completely and He rejects me, it will be unbearable. To play it safe, I seal away my heart in order to protect it. I use the pretense of religion to hide behind, but God wants my heart. He’s constantly calling my name to come closer. Proximity is safe, not dangerous.
Every single person alive, no matter their history, can go running home, even limping home, with confidence.
It takes years, Lord, but help us not be afraid anymore. Amen
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Romans 12:14
‘Bless those who persecute you’ can sound like a hollow command at a time when new levels of brutality have arisen. But we must have faith in the justice of God. He does not take persecution lightly. His nature is not passive, even if longsuffering. He does not love peace more than He loves truth. He does not love reconciliation more than He angers over injustice.
Setting this scripture alongside imprecatory passages can be confusing. Psalm 69:23-24 Let their eyes be darkened so that they cannot see and make their loins tremble continually. Pour out your indignation upon them, and let your burning anger overtake them.
Paul loved this Psalm and quoted it several times in Romans. Jesus also loved it and quoted it twice from the cross. Putting those who hurt me into God’s hands is to be assured that justice will be served. Either our enemies will come to the cross and repent (and Jesus will justify them through taking the wrath they should suffer upon Himself), or at the end of the age, God will fully pour His wrath and indignation upon them.
These Psalms are the practical applications of God’s justice and mercy here on earth. If I am more bent toward one than the other, I misrepresent the nature and character of God. If I’m soft on sin and have no righteous anger, then mercy stands alone, and God’s holiness is in question. If I live angry and cry out for justice, then the radical love Jesus showed on the cross is obscured.
We are usually more bent toward one than the other. God must work in us to make us like Him.
Lord, you know my personal obstacles, and only You can break through my conflicted heart. Amen
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
None of us likes the idea of being yoked to anyone or anything; it repels. The thought conjures up images of slavery and God did not create us to be bound to evil. Yet, if a glorious deliverer arrived to promise us freedom from slavery, we would make a decision in a split second to be yoked to someone who loves and saves. That is what I must remember when I think of Jesus’ words about yokes. I needed a glorious Deliverer at salvation to yoke me to Himself.
While my future is secure and I am already seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus, I must still contend with my flesh. I am not to be yoked ~
• To religion and live by others’ measuring stick.
• To slavery and live by the demands of controllers.
• To shame and live by the opinions of flawed people.
• To the flesh and live like I did before I believed.
• To deception and live by lies conceived at the gates of darkness.
Jesus offers a glorious alternative. His yoke is easy because it’s love-driven. His yoke is gentle because it’s love-driven. His yoke is light because it’s love-driven. What a friend we have in Jesus.
“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?” Isaiah 58:6
With joy you will draw waters from the well of salvation. Isaiah 12:3
Jesus, the well of salvation is deep for every child of the kingdom. Help me move beyond knowledge to experience.
Where I feed on fear and end up becoming small, lead me to confess it and drink from your well of courage. You promise me salvation from anxiety.
Where I feed on the torment of past failures, lead me to confess it and drink from your well of forgiveness. Your mercy is new every morning.
Where I criticize others to feel powerful, lead me to confess it. You love the one I am maligning. Even the unregenerate.
Where I feel angry over needs unmet, lead me to confess my entitlement and drink from your well of promises to those who are humble. You know my need and will bend low to save me.
Where I feel hopeless over my own sin, lead me out of unbelief. I drink from Your well of salvation and acknowledge Your power to transform me.
Today, I run to Your well of provision. Let me drink of it as easily as I sit down to eat three meals a day. You see my level of thirst today. Open my capacity to want more, and receive more, so that I can live as one who proves that You are enough.
My abundant life starts at the well of Your salvation. Amen
Can you name the big thing that overwhelms you; that mountain you bring before God nearly every hour of the day? I know you wish it weren’t there, that He’d reach out with a sweeping wave of His hand to move it far from you. I know you are frustrated that He’s not doing that when all power is His to take care of it. You can’t understand how anything related to perfect love could keep Him from rescuing. Maybe you also fear that your tears fail to move the heart of your Father. I’ve been there.
God told His people when they were traveling through the wilderness to Canaan, “Little by little I will drive them out before you.” His plan for His child is that he would become wise and faith-driven, a child who trusts Him even when He looks guilty. Please know that slaying one giant at a time will build into your life these things, spiritual elements that are necessary for the unshakeable relationship He’s building with you. Never underestimate what is gained when you walk with Jesus and see progress characterized by baby steps.
May I speak deeply to your discouraged heart? (I wish it could be in person.) God is not stingy, nor is His power limited. It is His love that restrains His hand from completely delivering you from what seems crushing so that He can do something beautiful in your relationship. He knows that this mountain makes you tremble, even despair. But by dealing with your fear and choosing to stand in faith, you are being transformed into someone you will not recognize. When you can’t see your progress, He can. You have already changed more than you know. He wants you to know that today. In the meantime, keep trusting Him. Keep talking. Keep being real. Draw close to your High Priest, and don’t move for anything.
“Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.” Deuteronomy 23:30
A woman ceases to make God her home when she no longer believes He offers what she needs. The promise of abundant life doesn’t seem abundant. There can be many reasons for this. She is experiencing too much pain in this world and is blaming God for it. She is running from the One she believes is responsible instead of understanding that Jehovah Rapha is her healing. She has no experience with how to make God her home. She has sojourned in distant lands, looking for anyone who will offer her temporary shelter. Satan took advantage of her in her time of vulnerability and offered her some counterfeit ways out of distress.
Ah, but there comes a day when God begins to clarify. The fog of misunderstanding of who He is begins to clear. This woman shakes her head, steps into wisdom, and realizes her folly. God’s true character materializes in full-blown pictures in her spirit. Hunger for His presence is awakened. She begins her trip back home, back to her roots. “Before the foundation of the world, I knew you.”
Yes, she remembers that scripture now. She realizes that she can find the love she’s been looking for by making her home with God. She runs to Him, trembling with awe and excitement. She lays claim to the land that has always been hers. She begins to nest in it with confidence. Joy floods her life, joy that comes from living in the light of God’s countenance. His smile says, “I love you and you belong with Me.”
They will come trembling like birds from Egypt, and like doves from the land of Assyria; and I will settle them in their houses, declares the Lord. Hosea 11:11
For the past several weeks, in my spirit, I’ve been hearing, ‘My children must go deeper in prayer.’
Spiritual health can largely be determined by the kinds of prayers that are prayed. Requests can be comprised of ‘fix-it’ prayers. What about deeper, more important things? God wants to do beautiful things in my distress, but my focus is all too often on alleviating all suffering instead of sharing in the sufferings of Jesus. Here are some examples.
If I’m sick, I usually ask God to make me well. God says, ‘Go deeper.’ The Holy Spirit would ask me if I’m angry that I am sick or am cross with people because they fail to empathize in the ways that I need. I should pray to learn God’s rhythm of grace in my illness. This matters more than my healing.
If I am being mistreated, I usually ask God to make my enemy nicer. God says, ‘Go deeper.’ The Holy Spirit would ask me to pray for, and love, my enemy. I should pray to learn the ways of the cross-centered life. This matters more than another’s respect.
If I am feeling shame from painful events, I ask God to take away the pain. God says, ‘Go deeper.’ The Holy Spirit would ask me how shame has shaped my identity. I should pray to discover the ways Jesus suffered shame and, also, how He bore my shame. This matters more than erasing the past from my mind.
Nobody likes pain. We weren’t created for it. But it is a great teacher. We won’t be spared from sharing in Jesus’ suffering. He asked us to take up our cross to follow Him. Jesus wants to do more than fix what is broken. He wants to be one with us in suffering. For that, we will have to look behind the things that are wrong to see the opportunities for deeper discipleship.
Behold, I have refined you, but not with silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. Isaiah 48:10
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