Author: Christine Wyrtzen

And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, instructing them, “Thus you shall say to my lord Esau: Genesis 32:3-4

After all these years, Jacob is about to meet Esau, the brother he cheated out of covenantal privileges. He is afraid for his life and rightly so. Afraid, he sent messengers on ahead to test the waters, to speak of him to Esau and see how he responded.

Have you ever feared meeting with a certain person? Tensions between you were high and over the years, there was little else you can think of when your soul was quiet. The strained relationship weighed heavily on you. To test the waters, you asked someone who was in good standing with them to speak of you. You asked them to reveal your present circumstances and explain how your heart had changed since they last saw you. Because you did this, you knew whether it was wise or unwise to restore the relationship.

A mediator is oftentimes needed. When judgments have been made, fairly or unfairly, softening the heart of the estranged is difficult. When God was misunderstood, He sent Jesus to show us His heart, personality, and character. Jesus softened our hearts and paid a great price to restore the breach in our relationship.

Jesus is still a mediator, not only between His Father and us, but between us and anyone else with whom we suffer a distance. When a foundation of prayer is laid, He goes ahead of us to work on a hardened heart. Nothing is too hard for our Mediator. He can give them a dream, speak to them in the night, cause them to remember a story about us that they had forgotten, or make sure they cross paths with someone who can speak about us in a way that makes them softer.

What can I pray if I am estranged from my brother, sister, parent, or friend? “Lord, would you give them your eyes for me? Would you bind their thinking to yours? Would you loosen the lies they believe and the revenge they seek? Till the soil of their heart so that they are approachable.”

Not only are the hearts of kings in God’s hands, but so is the heart of your nemesis.

You, Lord, are the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid? Amen

Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” Therefore he named it Galeed, and Mizpah, for he said, “The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight. Genesis 31:48-49

When God is left out of relationships, things can deteriorate rather quickly. This is true whether it involves relationships in families, in churches, or even in nations. Good covenants, the kind God makes with us, are beautiful treaties. They promise protection, provision, inner prosperity, and longevity. The knowledge that such a covenant can exists is a comfort to us. When life gets challenging, we want to know that there is someone to whom we can run.

Unfortunately, there is another kind of covenant. It is the kind Laban made with Jacob. Although they were extended family, there was hurt and distrust. Neither wanted to be vulnerable to the other. To ensure that there would be no malice, a covenant was made. Stones were assembled into pillars and oaths were taken. In essence, this was their agreement. “Even when you can’t see me, you don’t need to fear me. I will not harm you.” This is one of the first non-aggression pacts.

Politically, countries make treaties like this kind today. The two countries are really enemies but neither can afford the fallout of war. To self-protect, they draw up a non-aggression pact.

What is most tragic is when these unspoken pacts exist in a family. “You stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours.” “Swear that you will never do that again and I’ll make it worth your while!”  Such words certainly break the heart of a God who sees His beautiful design of a family defaced. What is the cure for these self-protective, non-aggressive promises between people? The personal revival of both parties.

If I love God more than I love you, and you love God more than you love me, neither of us need to fear the other. We may or may not be close friends. That is beside the point. But just the knowledge that spiritual integrity exists erases the need to continually look over our shoulders.

Unholy standoffs are healed with prayer and humility, but it takes two.  May it be.  Amen

There I was: by day the heat consumed me, and the cold by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes. These twenty years I have been in your house. I served you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flock, and you have changed my wages ten times. Genesis 31:40-41

Jacob had had enough. He had labored under Laban’s patriarchal umbrella and suffered unfairly. He had been stolen from, lied to, and cheated out of earned wages. He had been tricked into taking a wife he never chose. On this day though, after being hunted down and accused of not acting justly, he rose to tell the truth of the story.

Making a ‘defense’ is one of those touchy subjects. If I defend myself in the heat of the moment, I can easily hear, “Well, aren’t you defensive!”  The other assumes my guilt instead of innocence. Somewhere in this equation, however, is turning the other cheek and suffering silently like Jesus did when he was ‘led like a lamb led to slaughter’. How can I know when it’s right for the truth to be spoken?

A defense given for the sake of truth is one thing and a defense given for the sake of wounded pride is another. Because there was no sin in Jesus’ heart, and because he rose to offer a defense, I might conclude that defending myself just might be a righteous act.  But how and why I make it is the real issue.

The fact that Jacob had waited so long to set the record straight is probably evidence that he had worked through his injustice with God. His rage was long gone. On the day of their final goodbye, it was only right for Laban to hear the lineup of past events from a righteous point of view.

Jesus told his disciples that the Holy Spirit would come and reveal all things to their hearts. That was their comfort, and it is also mine when the subtleties of navigating relationships leave me confused. When wronged, the Spirit of God will convict me of wounded pride even when the offense is real. When emotions are hot, He will nudge me to restrain my speech. When worked up, I can make no rational speech. “How dare you do this to me!” is too much on the tip of my tongue.

You have helped me, and are helping me, break the cycle of silence without acting out of anger.  Balance, Lord! I lean on You.  Amen

Why did you flee secretly and trick me, and did not tell me, so that I might have sent you away with mirth and songs, with tambourine and lyre? Genesis 31:27

Jacob and his wives snuck away from Laban’s camp and headed back to Canaan. They did it while Laban and his sons were thirty miles away so that they could make a clean exit. Laban came home, discovered them gone, and pursued them. He was angry.  He accused Jacob of leaving secretly and then added to the narrative by telling him that he had missed a going away party to be given in his honor. Really? Laban had no intention of allowing Jacob to leave. Jacob had been Laban’s cash cow.

Did Jacob believe Laban’s argument? Probably not, but in many instances, it’s easy to be wooed with lies.  What happens when a less-than-true person tries to manipulate you? Do you give them the benefit of the doubt before applying spiritual discernment?

While it’s impossible to know for sure if someone is sincere, we shouldn’t trust just because someone claims to be trustworthy.  We must be savvy, considering the person’s behavioral patterns and track record. Most of the time, there will be a traceable history that proves sincerity or insincerity.

Today, maybe you are one who has run home to a marriage partner, putting yourself in an unsafe environment because you were charmed.  Maybe you made a poor choice for a business partner, or ministry team member, because of their charisma.  Others may have warned you that there was another side to them but because you didn’t see it personally, you went with your limited experience of them.  They were convincing, after all.

Jesus teaches us to be discerners of spirits, to be spiritually intuitive as we interact with people.  Like Adam, we are to rule our garden, being careful who has access to holy things. There are those like Laban among us; out to feed their appetites for greed, power, and control. No child of God should enable such behavior by trusting indiscriminately.  We’ve learned the hard way that, because the way of discipleship is a narrow way, few there be that walk on it.  Only the Spirit of God can point us in safe directions.

Make us spiritually street-smart and where mistakes have been made, show us how to navigate the places of difficult confinement.  Amen

When it was told to Laban on the third day that Jacob had fled, he took his kinsmen with him and pursued him for seven days and followed close after him into the hill country of Gilead. But God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream by night and said to him, “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.” Genesis 31:22-24

How does God protect us if we are His child? He nudges us to take a different route, buy a different house, and even make a different friend. He’ll send angels to stand guard to keep us from harm. What’s little known is how God directly warns our enemies to stay away from us. 

Is this an insurance policy to escape suffering?  Walking prudently does protect us but we are not spared pain 100% of the time. Jesus wasn’t always delivered from it. Like Him, we have enemies. But here’s the thing ~ God has a destiny for each of us, a purpose for which we were born, and He will take us safely through all He has ordained for us to do.  Though Jesus’ life was threatened on many occasions, his path to Calvary was protected. 

God came to Laban in his own Aramean tongue and told him what to say to Jacob. He came to a heathen King Abimelech to keep him from touching Sarah, Abraham’s wife. He also spoke to Balaam to prevent him from cursing the children of Israel. I can be comforted that spiritual enemies are on God’s leash.  That doesn’t mean I can abandon prayer and watchfulness. Earth is a battlefield and wounds are inflicted.  Like Jesus, I still pray for protection. (‘Deliver us from evil.’)  And, I also pray for the wisdom to know where to go and whom to trust. 

The safest child of God is an obedient one. I shouldn’t expect God’s protection if I’ve taken a self-willed detour. God made it clear from the beginning. ‘Obey me, and you’ll be blessed. Disobey me, and you’ll be led into captivity.’ 

It’s humbling to think about all the times you have restrained my enemies.   Amen

So Jacob arose and set his sons and his wives on camels. Laban had gone to shear his sheep, and Rachel stole her father’s household gods. Genesis 31:17,19

Jacob and his wives are about to leave for Canaan. Laban, his conniving father-in-law, is absent from the camp, away in distant fields. With no one watching, Rachel steals her father’s idols. Whoever possesses the family’s gods is considered the leader of the family.  This person also possesses the rights to the father’s inheritance. If Rachel were the oldest, that would be one thing. But Rachel had brothers! With Laban away and out of sight, Rachel really stole her brothers’ inheritance.

Isn’t it ironic that she is committing the same sin her husband committed. Jacob tricked his father into giving him Esau’s blessing and inheritance. Had Jacob told Rachel the story? I don’t know. But ‘like often produces like’ even in the invisible world. In families, grievous sins are passed down and re-committed even though the next generation often has no idea what their ancestors did. The predisposition is ‘in the blood.’

Just as new blood flow is needed to repair physical wounds, new blood flow is also needed to repair spiritual wounds. There is no human blood source that has the power to wash a bloodline clean.  Only one person’s blood can do that.  It’s Jesus’ blood and He freely offers it. He longs for us to apply the cleansing power of His sacrifice to our ancestral line. There need not be insidious generational influences looming over our families any longer. I need not stand by and watch the consequences of my family’s sin hurt my children and grandchildren. I can stop the unholy legacy from continuing by applying the blood of Christ to each generational pattern that holds my family captive. By doing this, Christ cancels out the effects that were caused by their sin.  What a gracious Savior!

Father, someone is coming to You in the name of Your Son, Jesus. They long to be free from the negative and invisible influences of family. Guide them, Holy Spirit, in spiritual housecleaning.  Teach them how to live as Your children rather than the obedient children of fallen flesh and blood. Amen

All the wealth that God has taken away from our father belongs to us and to our children. Now then, whatever God has said to you, do.” Genesis 31:16

Should Jacob leave Laban’s household, take his two daughters (Jacob’s wives), and go back to his home country? A huge decision. Yes, he had been betrayed by Laban but betrayal is not always a cause for fleeing.

It is my experience that discerning God’s will involves many steps. It requires the discernment to recognize the signs that only come by asking God for them. How did Jacob know it was time to leave?

Griffith Thomas, a Welsh theologian of the late 1800’s, pointed out in his writings several principles for discerning God’s will and he used Jacob’s story to make his point.

1. Jacob had a desire to leave. (Genesis 30:25) When I walk closely with God, my desires are shaped by my time with Him and the Word changing my appetites. God longs to give me the desires of my heart yet I can often think my desire, whatever it is, must be squashed.
2. Circumstances necessitated a change of some sort. It has been my experience that God will cause things to close in around me, making going forward in that particular place impossible. That is usually a sign it’s time to do something else.
3. God’s word came strongly to him. I must ask God to speak and give me the ears and eyes to recognize His voice. It might be through the Word itself, someone else’s advice, or through a dream. God is most creative.
4. Finally, there was confirming support from his wives, despite their natural ties to their father. Here is the place where families are fractured. A man is called to go overseas and just feels like he has God’s blessing if he just mandates that to his family. He doesn’t give them time to pray and seek God. He doesn’t pray with them and ask God to also give them the same desire. He forces the move prematurely. God’s Spirit moves over families, not just heads of households.

I have found all these steps to be true. I just admit that, at times, I don’t know why God doesn’t make it easier. I can believe it was easier for the patriarchs. God spoke audibly to them and told them where to go and what to do. Ah, but they didn’t have the Spirit of God inside, nudging, whispering, compelling, and emotionally reacting. For every one of you today who is making a life-changing decision, I am praying for you.

Lord, confirm Your Word to your servant. Don’t let them walk into trouble. Bind their mind to You and loose their mind from self-made plans and deception. Stir up holy desire. Shut the mouth of their enemy who would skew the signs. Let confirmations come today; nothing deterring them. Amen

Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah into the field where his flock was and said to them, “I see that your father does not regard me with favor as he did before. But the God of my father has been with me. You know that I have served your father with all my strength, yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. Genesis 31:4-7

Marriages suffer because couples can’t talk honestly about their parents. This part of Jacob’s story offers the perfect example. 

Jacob had tough news to tell his wives when he had to disclose that their father had cheated him 10x his wages. He didn’t know if they would be defensive. And when he told them it was time to leave home and head for a foreign land named Canaan, how would they handle that?

There comes a point in all our lives when God calls us to see the truth about family. I am to embrace the good, acknowledge the bad, and cling to God for grace as I grieve and make different choices. I am to love God more than family and love truth more than I love my ‘family’s way of doing things.’  I am asked to face the truth of my family as God sees it and then step out to live as God’s child. Sometimes, a person risks being the only one in their family who is willing to live sanctified, that is, to live set apart from the mainstream.  God’s fatherhood and the ways of the kingdom trump what is unholy, even when it means being different from my flesh and blood.

There is a wise way, and an unwise way, to talk to our spouses about their parents. Bitterness will affect our tone and the outcome will be unfortunate.  Legitimate complaints will be disregarded because our words are too vicious. Every conversation like this needs prayer before the subject is broached because ‘blood is thicker than water.’ It’s hard to hear someone else, even if it’s a spouse, talk about parents and siblings and not immediately think, ‘How dare you!’

Rachel and Leah heard Jacob’s account of Laban’s treacherous ways. Miraculously, they both believed him and were able to see the truth of their father’s sin. 

Few scriptures are more well-known that this one. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”Never is this truer than when I see my family as God sees them. When I own the truth of my origins, endless spiritual possibilities open before me.

How long it took for me to see the faults of the family I love; even longer to see my own faults. Thank you for not giving up and continuing to bring the truth before my eyes. Amen

Thus [Jacob] increased greatly and had large flocks, female servants and male servants, and camels and donkeys. Now Jacob heard that the sons of Laban were saying, “Jacob has taken all that was our father’s, and from what was our father’s he has gained all this wealth.” And Jacob saw that Laban did not regard him with favor as before. Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, and I will be with you.” Genesis 31:1-3

Laban set up Jacob to fail. He stole some of his spotted and striped animals and hid them with his own son’s flocks to mate them. He would then accuse Jacob of stealing. When God prospered Jacob anyway, all pretenses of love and friendship Laban had exhibited dissolved. No longer able to hide his true feelings, he hurled some accusations and things became adversarial.

God did not tell Jacob to repair the relationship. He told him to leave and to return to the land of his father. God released Him with His blessing.

Time in Laban’s household was a spiritual school. Jacob faced the consequences of his past sins and bore up well under divine discipline. He gave his conniving father-in-law every opportunity to prosper and embrace Yahweh. In the end, Laban’s true character rose to the surface. What had been veiled for over a decade was exposed when issues of greed, which was Laban’s stronghold, pushed him to the limit. It was clear that Laban was not going to change so God released Jacob to leave.

There are relationships that are tolerable for a while, sometimes a long while. Others perceive harmony but you know that beneath the surface, you are dealing with an adversary, not a friend.   You may be in ministry with this person, or work for him. God has not released you to leave, and you are straining under the pretense. Jacob’s story is a firsthand illustration that if we do what is right and bear up well under the pressure of unfairness, there will be a graduation day. Some issue will cause everything to blow up. What is hidden now will become clear for all to see and God will use their sin to release us to our next appointment.

For now, it can seem like you’re trapped. There is no such thing as ‘trapped’ in God’s purposes. Things might be uncomfortable, even excruciating. Your pride may be assaulted daily. Your coping ability might be pushed to the limits. Cling to God and allow this to strengthen your spiritual muscles of faith. One grand morning, God may just say, “Well done! Move on!”

I’ve experienced some oppressive relationships. They seemed endless. You taught me so much about my adversary and about myself. I remember how I felt when you said, “Move!” Oh Lord, You are a Deliverer! Amen

Laban said, “Good! Let it be as you have said.” [But] he set a three days’ journey between himself and Jacob and Jacob pastured the rest of Laban’s flock. Genesis 30:34,36

Laban’s view of Jacob was very limited. He did not know the struggles of the first three decades of Jacob’s life. All he saw was the blessing of God on Jacob during those seven years. Everything Jacob touched prospered. So when Jacob offered to take the least amount of the flocks (the striped, spotted, and black), it sounded like a great deal to Laban.  But then misgivings set in. Though Laban understood that he had the advantage on paper, he had also witnessed God’s blessing on Jacob. He knew that, somehow, Jacob would prosper. Scheming ensued to ensure Jacob would remain the disadvantaged party in the deal.

All of us have looked at the life of someone God blesses and witnessed firsthand how God takes whatever little they have in their hands and produces abundance. Jealousy can set in.  Human nature delights to find flaws in their character, and in their family, and then it’s tempting to tell others that they are not so perfect. Such are the compulsions of our flesh without God.

Laban’s issue was with God, not with Jacob. If he felt second-rate, it was not Jacob’s fault. Since Laban didn’t even acknowledge Yahweh, he had no way to cope spiritually with the seeming inequity except to take matters into his own hands.

I remember visiting a church where there had been divine healing of a young man’s cancer. After being prayed for, the tumor disappeared. His testimony was shared with the congregation and praise erupted. Next to me was an acquaintance who was battling brain and breast cancer. Healing prayers had also been prayed for her, but God had not done for her what he did for the young man. Though she clapped and celebrated his good news, I wonder if there was a brief struggle in her soul. That would be an understandable stumbling block.

If you are in painful times today and your trust in God is shaken by another’s blessing, press through your anger to seek God. Looking at others’ lives through momentary lenses is dangerous.

Help our unbelief. We often despair that your plans for others are good — but we are excluded from them. Time proves otherwise but help us trust You before we have such divine eyesight. Amen