Author: Christine Wyrtzen

And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright and the youngest according to his youth. And the men looked at one another in amazement. Genesis 43:33

God’s child is meant to be spiritually intuitive. Though God is a communicator, much of the time, He is subtle. If I’m dull instead of intuitive, I will miss the significant signposts to my journey.

Joseph prepared a feast for his brothers. When they arrived, they were seated in order of their birth. Who was the first to notice? We’re not told. But eventually, all of them were stunned and speechless. They couldn’t imagine what was happening but knew that the moment was pregnant with implications.

What creates a pregnant moment conceived by God? Prayer. I see the need for change. I commit myself to pray over a long period of time. It will appear that God is inactive, but I keep my eyes on the horizon. By faith, I know that my prayers are being heard. By faith, I know that God answers the prayers of His children. Though I will walk through the wilderness of waiting, there will come a moment that will cause me to draw in my breath. Everything will feel like it’s shifting. Fragile. Tenuous. I dare not mess it up. If ever there is a time for me to stay quiet and watchful, it will be this moment.

But there is another kind of pregnant moment. It’s the kind wrought by human hands. I set out to make changes I believe need to be made. With my charisma and ingenuity, I set in motion a chain of events that stir things up. I’m nothing but a troublemaker without the hand of God leading me. What I bring about might be good, but it won’t be divine.

Right now, in a major area of my life, there is a moment being shaped by God through many prayers and many tears. The air is electric and the outcome is unknown. It’s time for human hands to be restrained and God’s hands to be loosed. Since spiritual intuition is a gift from God, I am a poor beggar this morning, asking God to open my eyes to everything I can’t see, yet discern. I’m praising Him as I hold my breath.

Something momentous, something of heaven, carved by You. That’s all I want. Amen

And he inquired about their welfare and said, “Is your father well, the old man of whom you spoke? Is he still alive?” They said, “Your servant our father is well; he is still alive.” And they bowed their heads and prostrated themselves. And he lifted up his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother’s son, and said, “Is this your youngest brother, of whom you spoke to me? God be gracious to you, my son!” Then Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there. Genesis 43:27-30

Joseph planned it all out. He tested his brothers, temporarily incarcerated Simeon, sent them back to Canaan to return to Egypt with Benjamin, and all the while, none of them knew who he was. The next phase was more personal and more difficult to play out without disclosing his own identity. How would he serve them a meal, see Benjamin, and then talk of their father without his heart giving way? Years of pent-up grief and homesickness bubbled at the surface, begging for escape. The only recourse was to excuse himself to re-group in private. He kept them waiting while he wept in the next room.

Knowing when to confront can be tricky. When emotions are strong, whether grief, anger, or frustration, it’s hard to reign them in, to defer to express them when the time is better. I don’t believe I have the restraint to keep them in check.

The brothers did need to see Joseph’s tears. Benjamin did need to hear the lament of his older brother for all the lost years they had experienced. Whether or not Joseph should share his heart was not the question. It was when he should do it.

Navigating relationships where there has been much hurt is complicated. Often, I need to reign in everything I want to say until considerable time has passed. Trust may have been broken. Immaturity may exist, and because of that, there is no foundation for honest sharing. Remorse may also be missing, so any tears would be wasted. There are many reasons for stepping back to regroup in private but finding the strength to do it is difficult. I must restrain my emotions in one setting so that I can let them out in my private space.

Oh, but I am not alone there. God is with me. Until there is safety with those who have hurt me, I can pour out my heart to the only One who can receive everything I long to say. For any of you who realize at this very moment that the emotional exchange you’ve been rehearsing is ill-timed, know that I am praying for you today. What you thought you needed to say today to help you feel better must be deferred.

Lord, pour out the grace my friend needs right now to step back and be still. Woo them to come to You instead and assure them that you will receive them just as they are. Amen

And when we came to the lodging place we opened our sacks, and there was each man’s money in the mouth of his sack, our money in full weight. So we have brought it again with us, and we have brought other money down with us to buy food. We do not know who put our money in our sacks.” He replied, “Peace to you, do not be afraid. Your God and the God of your father has put treasure in your sacks for you. I received your money.” Then he brought Simeon out to them. Genesis 43:21-13

Who would have thought too much money in their sacks would be a problem? That’s a good problem to have unless the ruler of Egypt has your future in his hands and perceives that the money is stolen. Then you have some explaining to do. How limited their spiritual perspective is! They do not know that the ruler they fear is Joseph. They do not know that God is writing the plotline of this severe testing of their character.

God does all things well. A spiritual test is never enjoyable. It takes me to the edge where, for a moment, everything hangs in the balance. What I decide to do seems so critical and so fragile. Never is the war of the flesh stronger than when I am reacting to a customized test from God. He knows just how to take me to the end of myself to confront what is in my heart. When I’m face to face with my deepest self, the person I’ve not been willing to see before now, I’m positive that my ultimate humiliation draws near.  But then, upon humble acknowledgment and prayers for mercy, I hear the same words the brothers heard from Joseph. “Peace to you. Do not be afraid.”

King David said, “Search me and know me. Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me.” Ps.139:23 This prayer, made by a desperate king, is also for me today.  It is not a prayer for the fainthearted. I’m surprised by the results every single time as I discover that I am spiritually dull and don’t know myself well at all. “God desires truth in the inward parts.” Ps.51:6 and arriving at it is arduous.

Oh, but my God, the One who accepts humble sinners, is bent down with arms open to me. The painful discoveries I make are only new to me. God knew them all along, and His covenant love never wavered.

You revealed an ugly truth just yesterday, and today there is peace. I wouldn’t want to belong to anyone else. Amen

When Joseph saw Benjamin with them, he said to the steward of his house, “Bring the men into the house, and slaughter an animal and make ready, for the men are to dine with me at noon.” The man did as Joseph told him and brought the men to Joseph’s house. And the men were afraid because they were brought to Joseph’s house, and they said, “It is because of the money, which was replaced in our sacks the first time, that we are brought in, so that he may assault us and fall upon us to make us servants. Genesis 43:16-18

The brother’s history of sin against Joseph makes them skittish. Rightly so. How many would forgive being sold into slavery by a family member? (And it’s happening today all over the world.) Though it has been nearly two decades, it feels like yesterday to them. Though they didn’t yet know Joseph’s identity, their guilty conscience causes them to look for God’s judgment wherever they face hardship. They assume that this ruler in Egypt will be the instrument of God’s discipline. While they prepare for hardship, Joseph prepares a feast. Mercy is not rational.

When I consider my past sins, I can turn away from God in fear. I cannot conceive (though I know a lot about the cross) that God will have the face of mercy instead of judgment.  He will bring me close when I feel I should be alienated. He will forgive me when I feel I should be punished. He will make me His friend when I have acted like His enemy. He will open His arms wide when I’m convinced I’ll be kept at a distance.

Joseph is a type of Jesus. He shows us what unthinkable mercy looks like. My part is to dare to believe such good news.

Mercy is free but it’s on the other side of true remorse. Show me the difference between remorse and living my life with a guilty conscience. Amen

Now the famine was severe in the land. And when they had eaten the grain that they had brought from Egypt, their father said to them, “Go again, buy us a little food.” But Judah said to him, “The man solemnly warned us, saying, ‘You shall not see my face unless your brother is with you.’ Genesis 43:1-3

Does God sometimes confine His child? Yes. Perhaps you object. “What happened to the God of spacious places?”  He’s that, too. There’s a time and a season for everything. When it’s time to train and direct a child’s steps, a Father confines. When it’s time to deliver, confinement ends, and spaciousness begin. For our good, God is the God of both.

There were a few times in my life when God asked me to do something extremely difficult. I objected.  I didn’t feel I could handle it.  I also didn’t want to face the challenges the assignment would bring. Jacob knew this kind of dread. He swore that Benjamin would never go to Egypt, the kind of paternal declaration that children know is definitive.

But then God overruled. Famine took over. Options disappeared. God hemmed them in so that the only option was Egypt. I’m sure it seemed to Jacob like he’d never see Benjamin again. Perhaps God appeared cruel. Yet, eternal purposes prevailed, and confinement initiated a lifesaving journey for the tribes of Israel. Egypt was the doorway to their future.

There are so many ways God confines for my good. He can make me so uncomfortable in a job that I realize it’s time to leave. Misunderstanding, rejection, and unappreciation often bring about the realization that God will open another door.  He can also hem me in emotionally. There’s an issue it’s time for me to confront. I have run from it for a lifetime, but God places me in the path of others who stir up this old wound. I can’t escape the triggers. With nowhere to run, I must deal with something I’d rather forget.

I don’t like to feel trapped. My last instinct is to draw closer to the One who hems me in. Yet, I must intentionally run to the One who is wounding me. I hang on to the theology of God’s love and goodness. Through my tears, I know that the wound he inflicts is a lifesaving one. Every step I take toward Egypt moves me closer to life, not death.

On the other side of every confinement has been abundant life. Help me remember that in this place of frustration. Amen

And Jacob their father said to them, “You have bereaved me of my children: Joseph is no more, and Simeon is no more, and now you would take Benjamin. All this has come against me.” Then Reuben said to his father, “Kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you. Put him in my hands, and I will bring him back to you.” But he said, “My son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead, and he is the only one left. If harm should happen to him on the journey that you are to make, you would bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to Sheol.” Genesis 42:36-38

Have you ever had a “That’s it, I quit!” moment? Over the long haul, you held your tongue, kept functioning, stayed civil in a strained relationship, and weren’t even aware that you were so fragile on the inside. But then it happened. It might have even been a little thing that sent you over the edge but there was no more elastic in your spirit to assume the weight of it. You snapped.

Jacob’s breaking point was in this part of the story. Simeon has been seized by an Egyptian ruler and imprisoned. (None of them knew that the ruler was Joseph.) Now, to release Simeon, they must bring back another brother, the prized child of their father. Jacob’s soul rips the rest of the way. This was his limit, and he declared there was no way that he would release Benjamin to anyone’s care but his own.

Everyone has a limit. The issues vary. The amount of stress it takes to fracture even the strongest person varies. The ways each person abdicates his hope is also unique. Some cry. Some erupt with strong words. Some walk away and never look back.

I’ve had a half dozen such junctures in my life. Some limits were God-given, bringing me to a point of failure to make different choices. Others were instructive limits, showing me that I was doing things in my own strength. The last set of limits were low places in my journey of obedience. I didn’t feel I had any more strength to continue. What was the cure? Getting off the treadmill, getting quiet, and spending intensive time with God.

There is a lot in today’s devotional to ponder. For everyone who is stretched thin, take stock of what’s happening in your soul before hitting the brick wall. The ways of the soul are a complicated maze, but God discloses the deep and hidden things of the dark. Light and clarity dwell with him.

Don’t let me waste my visit to a place of despair. Strengthen my faith muscles for next time. Increase my stamina through increased wisdom that only comes from You. In Jesus’ name, Amen

And Reuben answered them, “Did I not tell you not to sin against the boy? But you did not listen. So now there comes a reckoning for his blood.” They did not know that Joseph understood them, for there was an interpreter between them. Then he turned away from them and wept. And he returned to them and spoke to them. And he took Simeon from them and bound him before their eyes. Genesis 42:22-24

There are a few possible reasons why Joseph turned away from his brothers to weep.  He heard them discuss their sins against him. That had to be extremely painful.  He also loved them and was grieved over the testing he was about to inflict upon them.  Tears were complicated.

Jesus asked Mary, “Why are you crying?”  At that particular time, she knew the answer but oftentimes, we don’t.  I know that I’ve used all these clichés. “I just need a good cry.” “I don’t know why I’m crying.” And, “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

How much weeping is done without knowledge of what’s buried down deep? A lot. We really don’t know ourselves as God knows us. I often ask Him, “Why am I so upset by this? Show me, please.” I have a Father who not only sees every tear but could speak at length on what each one means. When emotions swirl in my head and form nothing but fog, Abba can sort it all out.

Is there anything more painful than to be ridiculed for crying as a child? “There she is – crying again.”  Some adults believe tears are unwarranted. No wonder some children are trained very young to hide their tears and stuff their grief into the dark places of their souls. There, tears stagnate, accumulate, and turn us into stoics.

When betrayals are as personal and as complicated as Joseph’s, tears will be plentiful. For any of us today who can’t find an end to our weeping and can’t seem to find a resolution, our spiritual Counselor promises to walk with us through the messiness of our emotions, through the confusion and fear, to shine the light of His glory on every single thing that needs definition.  I never have to wonder if there will be peace at the end of the process.  Peace is a person. 

I am Yours, and You are mine.  You are peace and all I need is in You. Amen

Then they said to one another, “In truth we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the distress of his soul, when he begged us and we did not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us.” And Reuben answered them, “Did I not tell you not to sin against the boy? But you did not listen. So now there comes a reckoning for his blood.” They did not know that Joseph understood them, for there was an interpreter between them. Genesis 42:21-13

At this point, Joseph’s brothers accepted the responsibility for the hard times they were experiencing. They reviewed their past sins against Joseph and connected the dots between wrongdoing and consequences. Wouldn’t everybody, given the same circumstances? Don’t most people, with age, own their mistakes?  Unfortunately, no.

I’ve known many people who, after many decades, decided to confront a childhood abuser. There was magical thinking in their expectations.  They believed that someone in their senior years would own the truth. They assumed that godly guilt would have set in at some point but hopes for closure and healing were smashed when the confrontation went poorly. Then came a lament and a new kind of grief. “How can a 67-year-old man still deny that he did anything wrong?” He did, and we do as well, if we haven’t spent our lives listening to the Holy Spirit and submitting to His instruction. Truth can be shunned no matter the age. Only a humble truth seeker owns his past sins.

Is there a way to tell ahead of time whether someone will be receptive to the truth when confronted? While not entirely ironclad, I believe there is. Does that person have a track record of humility? Have there been smaller things that the person has been willing to own and apologize for?  Those are encouraging signs.

The sad truth about people in general, even the elderly, is that ‘men love darkness rather than light.’ I should always pray that the Spirit of God will open the blind eyes of the one who has hurt me. God is powerful, and prayer will often till up the hardened soil of unbelief.  Reconciliation is always the goal but not always achievable.  If a confrontation occurs, it needs to be on the other side of forgiveness When the heart is hot ~ I know to keep silent.  

Older doesn’t always mean wiser. Keep me from cynicism.  Comfort me in my waiting and in my disappointment.  Amen

By this you shall be tested: by the life of Pharaoh, you shall not go from this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of you, and let him bring your brother, while you remain confined, that your words may be tested, whether there is truth in you. Or else, by the life of Pharaoh, surely you are spies.” And he put them all together in custody for three days. Genesis 42:15-17

When I hear the word shrewd, I don’t naturally think of it as a Christ-like attribute. It has negative connotations in our language, but there is such a thing as Spirit-led shrewdness. Joseph made use of it here, not for self-protection or revenge, but for tough love. He withheld information from his brothers about his identity and then went on to arrange events for the brothers’ ultimate good. One theologian suggests that ‘Joseph played the role of a detective conducting a tough interrogation. He could not proceed with full transparency and expect to get accurate information from them.’

The Hebrew word for shrewdness is ‘ormah’, translated as ‘good judgment, prudent, or clever.  Consider Proverbs 12:23 One who is clever conceals knowledge, but the mind of a fool broadcasts folly.  Shrewdness is called for when I must do God’s work in hostile circumstances. Jesus instructed His disciples to be ‘shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves’.  This is a life-saving spiritual skill and, lacking critical discernment, we trust the wrong people and become casualties.

We are often taught that a Christian should always be transparent and always nice. If asked a question, we should answer it. But there are exceptions. Openness and transparency should be reserved for those who earn it. I am to be shrewd when I am in proximity to someone who does not have God’s interest at heart. If they have a track record for dealing treacherously with others, and I feel it would have negative consequences to be fully upfront, I might give them partial truths, a kind of Joseph-answer, to protect kingdom enterprises that are fragile. If I am prayerful, void of personal agendas, I can rest assured that shrewdness is wisdom.

The danger here would be to conclude that God condones all deceit.  Shrewdness that withholds information should be the exception rather than the rule.  I remember that Joseph worked through betrayal, for decades. The deception he employed was for his brothers’ good, not for his personal need to make them pay. Ultimately, he knew that God was making all of them into a nation that, presently, hung in the balance. What he did, he did for God, not Himself.

I want to be skilled in shrewdness for the sake of the Your name.  Deliver me from the sin of personal vendettas so that I may rule wisely.  Amen

Now Joseph was governor over the land. He was the one who sold to all the people of the land. And Joseph’s brothers came and bowed themselves before him with their faces to the ground. Genesis 42:6

How fun it is to be a child and have a dream where everyone bows down to you. Joseph knew his dream was from God, but how he perceived it might play out didn’t materialize.  It would take decades before he saw it happen. In God’s timetable, Joseph needed the maturity to handle spiritual power, and his brothers needed humility, brought about by years of failure and hardship.

Spiritual gifts are wonderful things, but in my flesh, I can’t predict how God wants to use them. I am like a young version of Joseph, wide-eyed and immature, unable and often unwilling to embrace the heavy price tags associated with them. Here are some examples.

• Teaching ~ It’s tempting to teach what I want to teach and enjoy the accolades of others recognizing my giftedness. But God is supposed to choose the topics and the audience and craft the message the way He wants it presented.  To want to be known as a great teacher is a fleshly goal.  Teaching with God’s authority, I will be loved, and I will also be hated.  God promises grace for the burdens that come with both.
• Shepherding ~ I want to shepherd those I’m attracted to, those who will appreciate my investment into their lives.  But God wants me to bring healing to the broken where shepherding is messy.  Healing and wholeness are costly and often resisted.  I must relinquish my need for acceptance. 
• Leading ~ Without the filling of the Holy Spirit, I will wear my power recklessly and attempt to lead others where I think they should go. I will bask in the attention of being upfront, giving orders, and having people answer to me.  God calls me to lay down my life in servant leadership.
• Mercy ~ I will want to extend mercy to those I feel need it. But God will also ask me to show mercy to those I consider undeserving. He will also call me to withhold mercy for someone’s good until He says it’s time to extend it. Drying another’s tears too quickly will interfere with what He is trying to tell them.  This will cause friction in relationships.

God gives spiritual gifts to His children. They are both wonderful and powerful, but only when exercised under the Holy Spirit’s control. Like Jesus, I will know the joy, and the burden, of using my spiritual gifts with divine wisdom.  One of the heavy price tags is a willingness to experience every mountaintop and valley on the narrow road to glory.

Your gifts, Your way, through me. Amen