Ever feel stuck in a relationship where it becomes increasingly hard to feel anything positive? You can’t summon warmth for someone with whom you lack a positive emotional connection. Each of us is designed to be responsive. When others love us, we can love back. When others are emotionally generous in a trusting environment, we love freely in return. If we are rejected, we instinctively withdraw. If they are stingy with affirmation, we become shy. If they are stoic, we tread carefully. If they are cruel, we resist the urge to retaliate.

In an ideal world, children are connected to parents who love them. Siblings share an affinity over shared memories.  Over a lifetime, there are tears of joy at reunions and tears of sadness at farewells.  But when a lousy foundation has been laid, love for certain family members is inaccessible.  Some children dread seeing their parents. Some wives feel nothing for their husbands.  Some siblings haven’t spoken for years.  A lack of positive emotions proves that something is wrong with the relationship.

That is why our God of love, Elohim Hu Ahavra, models agape love, which is not based on feelings. His love has always been proactive. Even though we rejected Him, He said goodbye to His son and sent Him to die for us.  Who better to show us how to love those who don’t return it? If we become embittered, wither, and remain stingy with the great love with which Christ has loved us, then we live in defiance of the cross. We perpetuate dysfunction. How do we find the strength to initiate acts that don’t match what is in our hearts? God’s Spirit, alive in us, enables us to extend one difficult act of love after another.