When I am isolated from others, I lose perspective about the story of my life. It becomes normalized which is dangerous because ‘normal’ can very well mean ‘unhealthy’. My story also becomes cobwebbed and no matter how much I try to make sense of it, wisdom is lost in the complicated weave of the strands. Sooner rather than later, I need someone to listen to some personal stories so that clarity can come. 

I have found that until I tell my story to someone, I don’t have an accurate perspective of it. It isn’t until there is a safe, empathetic listener, that I can begin to sort things out. Sometimes, I surprise myself at what I’ve been holding inside. Speaking something makes it become real. Unspoken pain remains surreal and is easier to ignore. 

One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26

How does this pertain to forgiveness? If my story is locked inside, swirling around without clear definition, I will be unclear as to what and whom I should forgive. If I need to forgive a blamer, chances are that I have assumed the guilt they have imposed like a sponge. I can’t sort it out myself. If I’m someone who minimizes my pain, I won’t forgive the real offense. I’ll say, “Maybe it really wasn’t all that bad.” 

A Jesus-kind of listener will give me a barometer for assessing how good or bad something was. I’ve never had real clarity about something important without talking about it first. I’m a very private person so that is difficult for me. I’m the kind who only makes a few close friends.  I share almost nothing personal on Facebook. I’m an introvert and that puts me in the minority. Introverts can get lost in their head where extroverts tend to spill everything without a filter. Only spiritual maturity gives balance to both sides. 

If you find yourself stuck in what you suspect is unforgiveness, could it be that you don’t have clarity about the offense? Maybe you say to yourself, “Maybe I was the one who was wrong.” Or, “Maybe I”m making too big a deal out of this.”  Or even, “Maybe it’s worse than I thought!”It’s probably time to open your heart to someone.