I have often held myself to high and unbiblical standards regarding forgiveness. Like, I should walk the aisle one Sunday, confess my bitterness, and then go away and live with no more inner conflict. This lie is reinforced by the ‘talk’ we Christians have adopted. “Have you forgiven?”  The inference is that no matter how fresh or how old the wound is, forgiveness through a simple prayer forever takes care of the issue.

Peter’s description of Jesus’ life here on earth and how He handled suffering brings insight to this issue. He said, “Christ also suffered for you,leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while they hurled insults at Him, He did not insult in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to His Father who judges righteously.” I Peter 2:1-23  Jesus, modeled a lifestyle where he chose to ‘keep entrusting himself to His Father’ when hurt by people. Every time a wound was inflicted, he was tempted to take revenge but in His holiness, He showed restraint and trusted His Father to rule well over his life. Jesus didn’t forgive others just one time in some general sense. It was moment by moment, offense by offense, person by person.

I’ve received many women at the altar over the years. Some came forward to share their painful stories. The most serious wounds were inflicted by family.  Most of the relationships were still broken and that made forgiveness confusing. I told them that life will have to be characterized by act after act of intentional forgiveness. 

If someone close to you hurt you, you forgave them, but perhaps you wonder why you feel pain all over again when they continue to wound you in the same ways. Shouldn’t yesterday’s forgiveness have taken care of today’s arrows? No. Not for us. Not for Jesus, either.  Forgiveness is a life-style choice, not a one time event.