If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Romans 12:18

Just as it takes two people to have a relationship, it takes two people to rebuild it.  There must be unity, humility, vulnerability, admission of wrongdoing as God defines it, and reconciliation with God for both parties to be able to build something solid. 

More than not, what happens is that one person in the broken relationship either can’t admit what they’ve done or can’t forgive what was done to them. If one is too proud to ask for forgiveness and the other is too proud to offer it, reconciliation can’t be realized.  

Paul said, ‘If it is possible, live at peace.’  The ‘if’ is important to digest because it’s possible, due to people’s sinfulness, to never achieve reconciliation.  Forgiveness only takes one person.  It’s a unilateral act between me and God.  Reconciliation takes two people ~ the offender and the victim ~ coming together in agreement before God about what transpired.  This is the necessary ingredient for there to be the beginnings of a relationship again. 

Most offenders fail to see what they’ve done, however.  They aren’t willing to own it.  Does that mean I can’t have peace and closure in my own heart?  No.  I can still do my part and forgive them.  I take them off my hook and put them on God’s hook.  I yield my rights to play judge and jury and repent of my desire to make them pay.  Then what?  I pray for them and I wait.  I poise myself on the line of reconciliation and wait for that person to seek God and the truth of what caused the broken relationship.  

People in marriages, families and friendships, deeply hurt one another, then offer a generalized, token apology that is pretty meaningless.  “Guess I’m just bad at being married.” Then they consider that an adequate apology and want everything back to normal.  These are not grounds for reconciliation!  We are told to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.  We get the ‘harmless’ part of the equation and remain inexperienced with the counterpart.  Sometimes, we want peace more than we want truth and rush to patch things up when there is no foundation upon which to build.  

For those of you waiting, God waits to give grace.  For those of you who are about to rush in to an unsafe relationship, God wants to give you pause.