Several weeks ago, I wrote about something that had changed me deeply. Since then, everything has been different and perhaps you’ve sensed it in the writing. If you missed that devotional, here’s the link. It all started when I heard a pastor tell this story.

God called me to start a church within the last decade. We were blessed and were enjoying a congregation of several hundred people. I wanted our ministry to grow, so, every day, I asked God to bring revival. This became the cry of my heart above all other things. I built regular fasts into my schedule and made the focus of each one ~ needed revival for my young church. Two years later, with nothing having changed in the size and spiritual depth of my congregation, I stumbled over unanswered prayer. I asked the Lord during my next fast why He hadn’t answered this when He loves revival, and, I had been so diligent in praying. In the stillness, I heard His answer. “In the last two years of praying for revival, you haven’t once told me you love me.” I fell to my knees. From that day on, I focused on loving Jesus. Prayer was centered around worshipping Jesus. Without intention, my prayer closet traveled from my home to the platform. That was when the power of the Spirit ignited the church. Exponential growth occurred, but the growth has not been, nor is, what is celebrated. I don’t track the growth, focus on it, and manage it. I teach my people to live – loving Jesus, and we are single-minded. We are a people whose passion is the love of the Bridegroom. 

Daughters of Promise has been blessed. Its outreach has been built upon years of the slow drip of the Spirit touching one life after another. But with all ministries, the focus of leaders is usually on how to manage it, grow it, and maximize its outreach. It’s on the function and form of it. Over time, programs become templates. Routines can take over. There is a sense of well-being when God blesses. But after hearing this story in September, I realized I was missing the obvious. I was not spending more time loving Jesus than managing the ministry He gave me. I labored in prayer over every decision, often frozen in place, not knowing that if I focused on loving Him, intimacy would take care of the decision. I would know His mind on things ~ where to go and what to do next. My feet would intuitively step onto the right path. No effort.

So much of life can be about proven strategies. I’ll take this job because it’s a good stepping stone to the job I really want to have. I’ll accept this speaking engagement over another because it reaches more people. I’ll teach a Bible Study in the Fall because I have the gift of teaching. Spiritual common sense tricks me and gives me a false sense of knowing what Jesus wants from me. How can I possibly know if we aren’t close?

Over what do you obsess? Over how many things do you ask, ‘What should I do?’ Disengage. Get alone with the Bridegroom and tell Him what you love about Him. Study to know more so that you can love more. Take a walk. Look for the wonder of Him. Talk. Worship. Exclaim. Live with eyes full of tears. Beautiful tears. In the intimacy that grows, you will discover urges and knowings that only come from walking with the Lover of your soul. Questions about life and direction are erased.

P.S. It has taken me three days to write this. I wrote, deleted it, and then started over. Why the struggle? I couldn’t find the words to describe how revolutionary this is. Earlier this morning, my daughter, Jaime, came for a visit. She walked out on our sunporch and asked if I was okay. I had been reading, worshipping, and crying. Tears didn’t stop when she arrived. I explained that I was done in by the beauty of Jesus. We had a wonderful conversation, and she got it. She lives this way, too. So, I’m going to send this and ask the Holy Spirit to fill in the blanks and interpret what words have failed to say.

I love you and am praying for you. If only our hearts could live captivated – captivated as a way of life. How different everything would be.