But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand.  Psalm 31:14-15

Anyone who has struggled with an anxiety issue knows how crippling it can be. Something triggers it, and that ‘thing’ is different for everyone. It can be a fear of the dark, or something more defined and unique, like a creaking of the floor outside a closed door, a thunderstorm, or a dreaded car coming up the driveway. 

As a 14-year-old teenager, I was performing music in very stressful situations where I wasn’t given the time to prepare adequately. An hour before going on stage, five or six pieces of music were handed to me. Almost none of them involved sight-reading, as that would have been far easier. Instead, they all had to be improvised ~ looking at each one briefly, then transposing it, modulating to other keys at some point, as well as having to craft an intro, interlude, and ending. I wouldn’t be performing them before a group of 50 but for audiences of 3,000 – 5,000. While backstage, I became obsessed with looking at my watch.  The stress mounted as time progressed. My inner dialogue sounded like this. 

“I have thirty minutes before I have to walk onstage.” 

“Oh no, now it’s only fifteen.” 

“I’m not ready. But I have to be!” 

“But I can’t do this. I’m trapped.” 

“Pull yourself together, Christine!” 

I would hear my name being announced and would flip a switch in my head before walking out. I felt like Job when he said, “That which I feared has come upon me.” 

How creative God is when called upon to heal complicated issues such as these. In my thirties and early forties, I faced triggers related to these memories.  Anxiety crippled me. But God’s healing was creative and personal. His healing was unlimited and love driven. His plan to heal existed long before the original events happened. 

He is a God of intervention, not a God of passivity. Though life can catch up to us and momentarily pin us to the ground, God has already been to those events. Under His wings, there is an intimate cocoon where He and His child can step out of time and rebuild what was shattered so long ago.

Thank you for giving me wings out of confinement. Amen