SEEING LOVE TOO LATE

After the sons of Israel will return and seek the Lord; and they will come trembling to the Lord and to His goodness in the last days.  Hosea 3:5

    Did you ever come to realize that a love you spurned was really precious?  You didn’t recognize the gift that it was until later.   That often happens.  I can decide how love should look and declare what I want out of the relationship.  In so doing, I close myself off from the myriad of other ways love is expressed.  It isn’t until it’s gone that I look back with improved vision.  I am humbled as I remember one tender gesture after another and think, “How could I have been so blind?”  Hosea reveals that Israel will one day return to the Lord and they will come trembling because of His goodness toward them.

Trembling becomes me as a child of God.  I tentatively reach out to touch something that seems too good to be true, yet I know that it is mine.  I cradle this kind of gift in my heart with a sense of wonder.  The thought of it makes me stop in place, take a deep breath, and exhale with humility.

I have been quite arrogant in my lifetime, deciding how God should act toward me as my Father.  I remember a family friend saying to me, as he watched his wife suffer from a debilitating disease, “I take better care of my dog than God takes care of my wife.”  I know the parameters of such disappointment with God.  Hindsight and wisdom proved to be an effective teacher though.  I could look back and see the ways God loved me.  I could trace the ways He graciously intervened when I failed to recognize His hand.  Now that I’m further down the road, I live in a state of trembling.  My vision has been corrected.

The real question is ~ What will I do with my next crisis of faith?  Will the lessons I learned previously about trusting God’s goodness prevail?  It will get down to a choice of my will, exercising my spirit and refusing to let the dark questions of my soul reign in me.  I tell you now that I will choose to believe and not faint.  God is good.  God loves.

I review, I remember, and tremble as I finger the hem of your garment.  Amen