I DIDN’T DO IT ALONE

She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil. Hosea 2: 8

I’ve survived some difficult things in my lifetime.  They often involved the expectations of others.  Because my natural musical talent was revealed at such a young age, I encountered adults who expected me to perform in situations where I felt ill-equipped.  If I communicated my fears, they were often dismissed.  “You can do it, Christine!”  Their supposed belief level had more to do with them getting what they wanted out of me and less to do with their confidence in my ability.  My mantra before going on stage was, “I have to do this but I can’t.  But I have to.  But I can’t.”  Then, the curtain would part and sheer grit would take over.

In my thirties, I assessed the damage.  Performance was no longer fun.  Looking back, I felt that God had abandoned me.  “I always did what they wanted, God, but I did it alone. Where were you?”

He answered, “You didn’t do it.  I did it.” I was shocked, but realized over time that He spoke truthfully.

When life requires difficult things of us and we have to take a deep breath, dig deeply, and with great tenacity put one foot in front of the other, we mistakenly think we’re doing it single-handedly.  But our very breath comes from God.  Our thought processes, which enable us to devise a plan, are made possible by our Creator.  Physical strength is available to us through a body that miraculously functions when called upon.  Even though we might not have had a close relationship with God during the crisis, He was faithful to preserve our mind, keep our soul in tact, and help our spirit emerge in way that would later trust God like a child.

I’ve been angry with you for abandoning me.  Forgive me.  I know now You didn’t.  Amen